Single and Thriving at Fifty
Updated: Jan 22, 2025
Donna Reynolds empowers clients to build confidence, understanding it as the foundation for achieving personal goals. With experience working with people of all ages, her Confidence is Key approach helps foster a positive mindset, enabling individuals to move forward with clarity, self-assurance, and resilience.
Is there a stigma surrounding being single at fifty? Or is there simply a stigma around being single at all? I know many single women who share the same frustration: the head tilt and the inevitable question, "Have you met anyone yet?" When the answer is no, and they learn you've been single for a while, the follow-up is almost always, "What’s wrong with you?"
What’s wrong with me? How about asking instead: Why do you feel the need to be in a relationship? Why are single women who are thriving, happy, successful, and independent treated as though something is missing? Why can’t people say, "Wow, you’re doing amazing! How do you do it?"
Instead, the question is always: Why are you single?
My answer? I have yet to meet someone worth the compromises a relationship requires. My last relationship took everything from me; I lost myself completely. I gave up my career, my independence, and my sense of self to be a stay-at-home mum, supporting someone else’s ambitions. Now, after rebuilding my life and choosing myself first, I’m met with pity.
We’re told that women should be strong, independent, and successful. Yet, when we embody these qualities, society often treats us as if we’ve somehow fallen short.
I have a fulfilling career, I run my own life, I’m raising my children on my own, I travel often, I surround myself with incredible friends, I prioritize my health, and I take care of my well-being. And yet, because I’m not in a relationship, I’m seen as lacking.
Why is a woman’s worth still measured by her relationship status rather than her achievements, happiness, and resilience? It’s time to challenge this outdated narrative and redefine success on our own terms.
Celebrating fifty
This January, I am celebrating turning 50, a milestone that holds profound meaning for me. A dear friend of mine fought fiercely to reach this age, but cancer took that chance from her. When I turned 50, I raised a glass in her honor. She was an inspiration, and I carry her spirit with me every day.
For me, turning 50 is a privilege. I am healthy, I have raised two incredible children, and I feel immense gratitude for the life I’ve built. My daughter is studying at university in the UK, working, and exploring the world. My son is thriving in college, pursuing his own unique path. They have different aspirations, and as a parent, that fills me with pride.
I have never subscribed to a “do as I say, not as I do” approach to parenting. As a therapist, I often see parents assuming they know what’s wrong with their child. But in most cases, nothing is wrong; we are all simply making choices, and choices come with consequences. Children don’t just listen to what we say; they follow the patterns we set. (This is a topic I’ll explore in another article.)
A decade ago, I made a choice to put myself first. I prioritised my mental and physical health, knowing that by doing so, I would become a better parent, pursue my education, and gain the qualifications I needed to be independent and run my own business.
The result? I have raised two strong, independent, and confident children. I successfully run two businesses, one in property and one in therapy, both of which I love. Had I chosen a different path, my life might look very different. But I made decisions that allowed me to be fully present for my children, ensuring they never felt like latchkey kids. I worked hard to care for myself and for them, and I am proud to say it has all worked out beautifully.
For years, I focused on raising a strong daughter who knows her worth. And then I realized I was also raising a good man. A man who understands how to treat women with kindness and respect. My goal has always been for them to follow their own happiness, whether that means being in a relationship or embracing life on their own terms.
So here I am at 50: healthy, happy, successful, and deeply grateful. And yet, the question I still get asked is. “Why are you single?”
At my table
As I turn 50, I celebrate the incredible women in my life: strong, loving, kind, and full of laughter. They are amazing mothers and successful business owners (because, let’s be honest, running a business is no small feat), and they navigate everything else life throws their way with grace and resilience. I am deeply grateful for their presence in my life.
And no, not all of them are single. But what they share is a fierce independence, a zest for life, and an unwavering strength, the kind of people I want in my circle.
That said, it’s not just women. I have incredible male friends, too, which brings me to another question I hear all too often: “Can a person be single and still have close friends of the opposite sex?”
My take? It’s up to the individuals involved. Let people do what makes them happy. And really, why does it matter to anyone else?
At my table, I welcome integrity, honesty, kindness, loyalty, and love. These are the qualities I seek not only in friends but also in a partner.
Is it easy to find? It's not as easy as you’d think.
So, the next time you feel the urge to ask someone, “Why are you single?” or worse, “What’s wrong with you?” pause for a moment. Instead, try asking, “Have you met someone truly deserving of you?”
Read more from Donna Kirsten Reynolds
Donna Kirsten Reynolds, Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist
Donna Reynolds discovered her passion for mental health and personal growth while living abroad and navigating her own challenges. After experiencing a sudden divorce that mirrored the struggles of many women around her, Donna sought to understand why such upheavals were so common. This quest led her to study mental health and behavior, ultimately guiding her to Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy. She believes that by changing our thoughts, we can overcome any barriers and create meaningful, lasting change in our lives.
