Seven Ways to Regulate Your Nervous System for Deeper Connection
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 12
- 7 min read
Alessandra Mantovanelli is a Sound Therapist and Integrative Coach, offering energy and somatic healing, mindful eating coaching, and Psych-K facilitation. She founded Waves for Thriving to help you shift from surviving to thriving by cultivating a heart-centered connection and coherence between your mind, body, and soul.
One of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves is being aware of our nervous system state and learning to regulate it. Living in ongoing survival mode wastes a lot of energy, negatively affects our health, and makes us prone to disconnection from ourselves, others, and nature. Discover seven ways to regulate your nervous system for calm, connection, and falling in love with life.
What is stress?
Stress is an innate biological response to threats, pressure, pain, and challenges. Any stimulus, known as a stressor, that disrupts our balance, whether internal (fearful thoughts, dysbiosis, or inflammation) or external (toxins, danger, or loud noises), can trigger a stress response. Stress involves a complex interplay between the nervous, hormonal, and immune systems through the activation of the sympathetic-adrenal-medullary (SAM) system, the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, and the immune response. ₁ This response accelerates our body's functions, preparing us to 'fight or flight'. Another common sympathetic-charged state is people-pleasing and appeasing, which often stems from fear, such as the belief, “If I don’t do this, something bad will happen.”
Acute stress should be short-lived. Once the danger has passed, our parasympathetic nervous system acts like a 'brake,' slowing down our heartbeat, lowering blood pressure and breathing rate, and promoting relaxation, restoring the body to its balanced state, or homeostasis, without causing lasting harm. A well-regulated stress response is essential for our survival. Our nervous system naturally cycles through activation, mobilization, deactivation, and restoration. Not all stress is harmful; some forms can benefit us. Eustress refers to positive stressors that help replenish our energy, enhance our endurance, improve our circulation, and boost our cognition and motivation. Examples of eustress include taking short cold baths, learning a new skill or hobby, having a baby, starting a new job, or going on vacation.
What causes long-term stress, and how does it affect us over time?
Long term stress can result from unprocessed emotions and ongoing life challenges, such as habitual worrying, anxiety, and fearful thoughts; a deeply dissatisfying job; excessive workload or responsibilities; dysfunctional relationships; financial struggles; chronic illness and pain; self-imposed or societal demands; a chaotic lifestyle; ongoing exposure to toxins, recurring traumas, and systemic inflammation.
When stressors are severe, frequent, or ongoing and overwhelm your coping mechanisms, the body releases stress hormones continuously, sustaining a chronic stress response. Over time, this leads to the resistance stage, where individuals may experience symptoms like poor concentration, irritability, and frustration. If the stress, whether real or perceived, continues, the body eventually enters the exhaustion or burnout stage, resulting in a diminished ability to relax or feel safe, both within oneself and in the world. Prolonged chronic stress increases our susceptibility to various health issues, including heart disease, digestive problems, poor sleep, weakened immunity, and mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, and social withdrawal. Research has also indicated that chronic stress can interfere with energy production, causing mitochondria to enter a defensive, protective state, contributing further to fatigue and reduced resilience.
What nervous system state allows us to fall in love with life?
No matter how deep into dysregulation we have gone, everyone has a home in the ventral vagal, the branch of our parasympathetic nervous system where we feel alive, safe, healthy, sleep well, in homeostasis, connected to self, others, and spirit, curious, flexible, resilient, engaged in the present moment, resourceful, reaching out for social engagement and support, hoping, exploring options, and having compassion for yourself and others. ₁, ₂ With a flexible vagal brake, we can quickly engage and disengage, energize and calm, reflect and respond instead of react, and life feels manageable. ₂ When we are in a ventral vagal-regulated state, our heartbeat is steady, and our breath is deep. We are present in our lives and conversations. We create harmonious relationships by safely co-regulating and co-creating with others.
How do we tap into the ventral vagal to fall in love with life and connect?
Falling in love and relating with others can be incredibly challenging under ongoing stress. All our energy goes to mere survival. The more we educate ourselves about what triggers us and how our stress response works and the more we incorporate resources to support our nervous system, the easier it becomes to navigate life. We conserve energy, feel safer and connected, and become more productive and motivated. Here are seven ways to start unwinding from stress and, over time, build greater resilience, ultimately leading you to the sweet calmness that allows you to fall in love with life. These are suggestions to be used, guided by your body wisdom, when needed.
1. Cultivate and pay attention to ‘glimmers’
Glimmers are micro-moments when we feel joyful, awe, hopeful, connected, and grounded. These micro-moments are precious because they build upon and increase the flexibility of our nervous system. ₂ Countless moments arise throughout the day, offering us the chance to immerse ourselves in calm and present states while enjoying the small pleasures of life. You can create some ‘glimmering’ moments by listening to the birds singing, ocean waves or rain, sighting something beautiful or a photo of someone you love, listening to your favorite music, remembering a fun moment, freeing dance, patting your pets, or talking to a friend or loved one. Glimmers are deeply personal — they are anything that lights you up! Pay attention to glimmers, journal about them, recall them, talk about them.
2. Stimulate the vagus nerve naturally
Gently stimulating our vagus nerve reduces stress and calms us. Our vagus nerve can be stimulated through (i) vocal vibration (humming, singing, laughing, or gargling), (ii) body movement (dance, shaking, rocking, exercise, eye movements), (iii) breath techniques (as inhaling to the count of 5, hold briefly, and exhale to a count of 10), (iv) senses (short cold shower, holding lukewarm water in our mouth sensing it with our tongue, neck and shoulder massage) and (v) spending time in nature. Interlace your fingers and place them behind your head, look to the right without turning your head until you spontaneously yawn or swallow, look straight again, and repeat to the other side.
3. Feel the Earth with your barefoot – grounding
Walking barefoot on soil (or beach) is the simplest way to ground. Grounding, or earthing, stimulates the vagal tone, helps regulate heart rate, reduces stress, pain, and inflammation, speeds up wound healing and cell repair, and improves sleep and blood flow, among other benefits. When you ground, you connect to Mother Earth, release charges from artificial electromagnetic radiation and body free radicals, and absorb the Earth’s ions, which act as potent antioxidants. When our feet touch the ground, the muscles relax, inducing a parasympathetic nervous system state. Walking in nature and green spaces reduces stress hormones (such as cortisol) and sympathetic activation.
4. Feel your emotions, align with your truth and values
Ruminating on unprocessed emotions and living out of alignment with our truth and values creates physical tension and silent stress in the body. Because society labels emotions as 'good' or 'bad,' we tend to bury feelings like shame, anger, pain, frustration, or sadness.
Be honest and acknowledge your emotions, body sensations, and where you are in life. By asking ourselves curious and loving questions, we connect more deeply with our mind, body, and soul perspectives. Somatic healing provides a safe, resourceful, and supportive way to help us release trapped emotions and tension by tuning into our body's sensations. Somatic practices rebalance our nervous system and make it easier to manage life challenges. People who suffer deep trauma should seek individualized support through somatic trauma healing.
5. Slow down, nourish yourself, and sleep well
Work and do things at your natural rhythm, allowing yourself to slow down and rest when needed. Our brain can execute one task at a time; multitasking is a myth. Watching the sunrise helps regulate our circadian rhythm and promotes better sleep at night. Eat whole, organic, fresh, locally produced food as much as possible. Invest in a good water filter. Stay away from synthetic fragrances, and avoid toxic cosmetics and household cleaning products. Indulge in pleasurable activities, such as massage, warm baths, immersing yourself in nature and beauty, meditation, physical touch, and exploring new places and activities.
6. Have fun, create and play more
I grew up in a big city neighborhood where we could play volleyball in the street, sit outside to play board games, watch shooting stars, and even block off the street for full-blown parties with food stalls and dancing. We had such a great time! Get up, dance freely, sing, make silly faces, go hiking, play miming games, play ball, engage in heartfelt social gatherings, and share hugs with friends, have fun! Activities like painting, coloring, drawing, writing poems or love letters, creating things by hand, making sculptures in the sand, drawing with tree branches, and gardening can be very relaxing and enjoyable. Engage in these activities for the joy of it, without any agenda. We can entertain ourselves simply using our bodies and imagination without relying on technology.
7. Connect to something greater than you
When we are under extreme stress, our focus narrows, and we become fixated on a problem or conflict and incapable of finding a solution. However, when we broaden our vision and connect to something greater than ourselves, an idea, or help others, our life has more meaning, ease, and flow. Within us lies a higher intelligence that regulates our breathing and heartbeat, replaces billions of cells, and initiates countless neural connections and chemical reactions daily. Our consciousness, resilience, sense of purpose, and capacity to receive loving support expand when we connect to our higher wisdom. This connection calms us and elevates our compassion toward ourselves and others.
Final prayer invitation
Place your hands over your heart.
May all beings connect in love, safety, collaboration, and service. May we expand the fields of calm, connection, and compassion — within ourselves, around us, and across the planet. And so be it.
Read more from Alessandra Mantovanelli
Alessandra Mantovanelli, Sound Therapy and Integrative Coaching
Alessandra uses a unique integrative approach to help people move from survival to thriving, integrating and harmonizing their body, mind, and soul in a freeing dance. She holds a Master’s in Sound Therapy along with certifications as a Mind-Body Eating Coach, Somatic Trauma Healing and Reiki Practitioner, and Psych-K® facilitator. By combining her knowledge of physics and wave frequencies with biofield and energy balance therapies, she bridges ancient healing techniques with modern science. As the founder of Waves for Thriving, Alessandra is dedicated to helping individuals embrace their healthiest, happiest, and most conscious selves, unlocking their highest potential.
References:
[2] Dana, D (2020) polyvagal exercises for safety and connection. 50 client-centered practices, Norton (Eds), New York, 331p.
[3] Sinatra, ST, Oschman, JL, Chevalier, G, Sinatra, D (2017) Electric Nutrition: The Surprising Health and Healing Benefits of Biological Grounding (Earthing), Alternative therapies, vol. 23(5).
