Rest Is a Requirement, Not a Reward
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 17
- 5 min read
Written by Kate Lister, Somatic Therapist
Kate is an experienced somatic therapist with 20 years in the field. As the founder of Mind Body Integration and the host of the podcast Rhythms of Self, she guides an exploratory felt sense journey home to self.
In a culture that glorifies hustle and productivity, rest is often treated as something you earn — a fleeting reward after your to-do list is complete, your inbox is cleared, your house is tidy, and your emotions are in check. It's as if stillness must be justified by output, and only after proving yourself worthy can you collapse into a moment of peace. But what if rest isn’t a reward at all? What if rest is the ground you need to stand on to heal, grow, and function in the first place?
We don’t wait until a broken bone is fully healed to place it in a cast. We create the conditions for healing early, immediately, and with care. Yet when it comes to emotional, psychological, or nervous system recovery, rest is often delayed, rationed, or denied entirely. We push through exhaustion, bypass signals of burnout, and wear our depletion like a badge of honour. Over time, this chronic state of override doesn’t make us stronger; it makes us more sensitive, more reactive, and less connected to ourselves.
Rest isn't a pause from life, it is life. It is the fertile space in which integration, repair, and recalibration take place. Without it, we’re not just tired — we’re disconnected. From our bodies, from our emotions, and from the kind of inner stillness that allows us to discern what deeply matters.
Rest is not the opposite of doing. It is the space that allows everything else to happen. Neuroscience shows that our brains don’t stop working when we rest; in fact, crucial processes like memory reconsolidation, emotional regulation, and nervous system recalibration happen most efficiently during periods of rest. Our bodies shift into parasympathetic mode, the "rest and digest" branch of the nervous system, only when they feel safe enough to stop bracing, striving, and scanning for threat. It’s here, not in action, that the deepest healing takes place.
In this state, stress hormones subside, immune function strengthens, and the body begins to repair tissues and rebalance internal systems. What looks like stillness on the outside is actually profound work on the inside. This kind of restorative pause is what allows us to integrate what we’ve experienced, to metabolize stress, and to access a sense of connection — not just to others, but to ourselves.
Without consistent access to rest, our systems remain dysregulated. We stay in states of hypervigilance or collapse, where even small demands feel overwhelming. This is why rest isn't just personal, it’s relational. When we are rested, we’re more patient, attuned, and emotionally available. We can hold space for others without losing ourselves. We can listen without defensiveness. We can respond rather than react.
So, rest is not indulgent. It is not weakness. It is the very foundation of resilience, a homecoming to the body, a soft place where the nervous system can finally exhale.
Too often, people feel guilty for resting. They label it laziness or weakness. But this belief is often a trauma echo, a conditioned response from systems that taught us survival means self-sacrifice and that value is measured by output. Many of us internalized the idea that being good means being busy, that stillness is suspicious, and that tending to our needs makes us selfish. In therapeutic practice, we see how chronic overdoing often masks unmet needs, unresolved grief, and a dysregulated nervous system. Without rest, those wounds have no chance to repair.
But here’s the truth many don’t talk about: rest is not always soothing. For people with complex trauma histories, rest can feel unsafe, even unbearable. The silence, the stillness, the lack of distraction can trigger feelings that were long buried or dissociated from. When the body has been wired to exist in survival mode, the absence of urgency can feel disorienting. In fact, it can be more comfortable to stay in motion than to risk what might surface in the quiet.
This is why rest is not just a wellness trend or a self-care checklist item. For many, it is a profound nervous system intervention, one that must be approached with compassion, patience, and care. Rest might begin not with lying down but with softening the inner dialogue. It might look like pausing for one full breath or gently naming the fear that rises when things slow down.
Two accessible ways to engage with rest safely
1. Micro-resting: Start small and stay present
For many people, rest doesn’t begin with naps or lying still. It begins with moments. Try practicing micro-rest, where you take just 30–60 seconds to pause, breathe, and notice what’s happening inside. That might mean sitting down with a cup of tea and feeling the warmth in your hands, closing your eyes for one slow exhale between tasks, or simply letting your shoulders drop.
The goal here isn’t to relax right away, but to create small, non-threatening invitations to slow down. Over time, these micro-moments begin to shift your baseline and build trust with your body that it’s okay to soften, even for a second.
2. Rest in motion: Redefine what rest looks like
Rest doesn’t always mean stillness. For dysregulated nervous systems, stillness can feel unsafe at first. Instead, try restorative movement like gentle stretching, walking slowly in nature, swaying side to side, or rocking in a chair. These movements offer soothing, rhythmic input to the nervous system and can help you settle without triggering hypervigilance or collapse.
Think of this as active rest — giving your body the chance to downshift while still maintaining a sense of agency and grounding. Over time, you may find that more traditional forms of rest become accessible.
Choosing rest, then, is not a passive act. It’s a courageous one. It is the slow, steady practice of telling your body and mind: “You are safe enough now to stop. You are not in danger. You don’t have to earn peace.”
Healing is not a race. And rest isn’t a reward, it’s a requirement. It’s the quiet container that holds everything we’re metabolizing beneath the surface. If you’re tired, not because you’ve done too little but because you’ve carried too much, you don’t need to try harder. You need space. Acceptance. Stillness.
Rest isn’t selfish. Rest is repair.
And you don’t have to earn it.
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Read more from Kate Lister
Kate Lister, Somatic Therapist
Kate is a compassionate leader in mind-body connection, drawing from her own profound experiences to shape her practice. Her journey through personal challenges has been a wellspring of insight, allowing her to simplify the complexities of human physiology. Kate's teachings help individuals feel safe, connected, and curious about their intelligent bodies. Passionate about supporting others, she guides people in learning to physically and emotionally regulate, fostering deeper connections and a purposeful existence.
