Redefining Strength by Meeting the Real Needs of Men
- May 21, 2025
- 5 min read
Jessica Chesterman (HG, Dip.P) is a psychotherapist dedicated to transforming workplace mental health. As a distinguished Human Givens Ambassador, she specialises in helping individuals conquer depression and guiding couples through relationship challenges.
The narrative surrounding masculinity has long emphasized strength, stoicism, and self-reliance. While these qualities can be valuable, they can also create a formidable barrier when it comes to men acknowledging and addressing their mental health needs.
From a Human Givens (HG) perspective, this reluctance may stem from a clash between traditional societal expectations, the evolving landscape of men's roles, and our innate human needs for such things as connection, security, and a sense of control over our lives.
The Human Givens approach highlights that all human beings are born with a set of fundamental emotional needs that, when met in balance, lead to good mental health. For men, the pressure to conform to traditional masculine ideals has arguably made it difficult to fulfill these needs openly, combined with societal shifts that have added another layer of complexity, which may have contributed to men feeling adrift and uncertain of their place.
The evolving landscape: Where do men fit now?
For generations, men's roles in society were often more clearly defined primarily as providers, protectors and figures of authority. However, significant social, economic, and cultural changes have blurred these lines. We've seen:
Increased gender equality: While a positive development, the move towards greater equality has, for some men, led to a sense of uncertainty about their unique contributions and identity. Traditional roles are being challenged and new models of masculinity are still evolving.
Economic shifts: Changes in the job market and increased female participation in the workforce have altered traditional breadwinner dynamics. Some men may feel pressure to adapt to these changes while grappling with ingrained expectations.
Changing family structures: The rise of single-parent households, co-parenting, and more involved fatherhood challenges traditional notions of male roles within the family. While many embrace these changes, others may struggle to navigate these new territories and expectations.
Media portrayals: Media often presents conflicting and sometimes negative portrayals of masculinity, ranging from hyper-masculine stereotypes to narratives around "toxic masculinity." This can leave men feeling confused about what it means to be a "good man" in today's world.
Shifting communication norms: Society increasingly values emotional intelligence and open communication. Men who were raised in environments that discouraged emotional expression may find it challenging to adapt to these new expectations in their relationships and social interactions.
This societal flux can leave men feeling like the ground beneath their feet has shifted. The old rules no longer entirely apply and the new ones are still being written. This ambiguity can contribute to feelings of anxiety, confusion and a lack of purpose, further impacting their mental well-being. When men feel they don't know their place or how to navigate these evolving expectations, it can exacerbate existing anxieties and make it even harder to reach out for support.
The stigma's grip in a changing world: Unmet needs and the "shoulds"
The historical stigma surrounding men's mental health, coupled with this sense of societal disorientation, creates a powerful barrier. Men may fear being labeled as weak, inadequate, or now, even "out of touch," if they admit to struggling. This fear can lead to:
Suppression of emotions: The pressure to be strong and to navigate new emotional landscapes without clear guidance can lead to further internal conflict and the suppression of difficult feelings.
Reluctance to seek help: Admitting to needing help can feel like a double failure, a failure to live up to traditional ideals of self-reliance and a failure to adapt to the new societal expectations.
Increased risk behaviors: As a way to cope with this internal pressure and uncertainty, some men might turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Human givens: Fostering a culture of support and help-seeking
The Human Givens framework offers a compassionate and practical way to break down this stigma and encourage help-seeking behaviors among men:
Normalizing emotional needs: Education is key. Understanding that everyone, regardless of gender, has fundamental emotional needs is the first step. Recognizing that experiencing difficulties in meeting these needs is a normal part of the human experience, not a sign of weakness, can be liberating.
Reframing strength: True strength lies not in suppressing emotions but in acknowledging them and taking proactive steps to address them. Seeking help when needed is a courageous act of self-care and a sign of resilience.
Promoting healthy communication: Encouraging open and honest conversations about feelings among men is crucial. Creating safe spaces where men feel comfortable sharing their experiences without judgment can foster a sense of connection and reduce feelings of isolation. This can start with small, trusted circles of friends or family.
Highlighting positive role models: Sharing stories of successful men who have openly discussed their mental health challenges can help to destigmatize the issue and demonstrate that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Focusing on practical solutions: The HG approach emphasizes identifying unmet needs and working towards practical solutions to address them. This can empower men to take control of their well-being and see seeking help as a proactive step towards feeling better.
Building supportive communities: Creating environments, both online and offline, where men feel a sense of belonging and mutual support is vital. These communities can provide a space for sharing experiences, offering encouragement, and reducing feelings of isolation.
Educating professionals: Ensuring that mental health professionals are trained in understanding the specific challenges men face and can offer tailored, non-judgmental support is essential.
By acknowledging the impact of societal shifts on men's sense of place and addressing mental health through the lens of fundamental human needs, we can begin to dismantle the stigma and empower men to seek help in a world that is still defining what it means to be a man.
The path forward involves embracing adaptability, fostering open communication, and recognizing that true strength lies in our ability to connect with ourselves and others, regardless of societal expectations.
Read more from Jessica Chesterman
Jessica Chesterman, Psychotherapist HG, Dip.P
As a Human Givens Ambassador with 15+ years in corporate enterprise sales, Jessica Chesterman (HG, Dip.P) is passionate about empowering individuals to manage their mental health. Her therapeutic approach, grounded in the latest psychological and neurobiological research, is focused on understanding how emotional needs are met across all aspects of life. By addressing these needs, she aims to help as many people as possible thrive in the workplace and beyond
