Real Results for Men Who Think Therapy Doesn’t Work
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 12
- 5 min read
Will Kimmins is an expert in trauma and the effects of chronic stress on mental health. Following a decades long career in Special Operations for the US military, Will founded and owns Overwatch Counseling Services in multiple states in the USA.
Many high-performing men avoid therapy not because they fear vulnerability, but because traditional models don’t align with how they think or operate. This article explores a results-driven, masculine approach to mental health, one that prioritizes clarity, action, and performance over emotional introspection. If standard therapy hasn’t worked for you, it may not be you, it may be the method.
Why mental health still fails too many high-performing men
June is Mental Health Awareness Month. If we’re serious about improving outcomes, not just awareness, for underserved groups, we need to talk about men. Specifically, why many high-performing men avoid therapy altogether, or worse, why they commit to it and still walk away with mediocre or no results.
The problem: Most therapy doesn’t speak to men
Let’s cut through the fluff. Most therapy environments are designed to feel emotionally safe – quiet tones, plush furniture, calming light, and open-ended questions like, “How are you feeling?” That’s intentional. Graduate programs teach us to create a “container” for emotional vulnerability.
It works for some.
For others, especially men and masculine women, it doesn’t land.
Instead of safety, they feel out of place. The tone feels too soft. The process too slow. They don’t see the point of talking about feelings when the problem is happening right now.
These are the folks I often work with: men who don’t need therapy to be gentler. They need it to be useful.
Therapy doesn’t have to look or feel like surrender. A masculine-aligned environment emphasizes clarity, focus, and purpose.
When therapy fails men–even when they show up
Most therapy modalities–CBT, psychodynamic, ACT, IFS–are inward-facing. They start with emotion:
What do you feel?
Where did that pattern start?
What’s the inner story you’re carrying?
These approaches assume the client already feels safe enough to dig deep. But that’s a dangerous assumption when it comes to masculine clients, especially veterans, first responders, leaders, and men under pressure. I should know. I’ve been the first responder who is a man and feels under pressure from multiple directions.
What if introspection doesn’t feel productive? What if a client needs traction before trust?
In my clinical work, I’ve seen a clear pattern emerge: men aren’t emotionally avoidant, they’re pragmatically oriented. They want results first. They want to stop bleeding before they start unpacking their childhood. And once they regain some control, they're more than willing to go deeper.
When therapy feels vague or overly emotional, masculine clients often disengage – not out of avoidance, but because they’re looking for traction, not introspection.
This isn’t resistance. It’s strategy.
The masculine therapy model: Built for action, grounded in evidence
A masculine approach to therapy doesn’t reject emotion, it reorganizes the process. The mission is mental performance, not passive reflection. Men come to therapy to improve their results in the world and their relationships.
Core principles of the masculine therapy model
Purpose – Set a mission. Define what needs to change. Then, as the work continues check in on that progress. If it’s not working, it should change.
Agency – The client drives the process. They’re not a patient – they’re a participant.
Structure – Sessions should be focused, tactical, and practical. Otherwise, the client feels underserved and passive within their own treatment.
Results – Progress is measurable. Clients feel stronger, more in control, and more effective early on.
This method aligns with research from solution-focused and performance-based therapies. According to Seidler et al. (2016), men are more likely to stay engaged in therapy when it emphasizes concrete goals, behavioral action, and personal power. Addis C Mahalik (2003) found that traditional models often conflict with masculine norms around self-reliance, control, and logic – driving men away from therapy prematurely.
This isn't just about men. It's about mindset.
How this works in practice
Let’s make it real.
A high-level executive comes to therapy because his marriage is collapsing. Traditional therapy might ask, “How does that make you feel?” I ask, “What do you want to stop happening and what needs to change?”
Together, we build a tactical roadmap:
Conflict pattern mapping
Emotion regulation tools
Action plans for better communication
He leaves session one with something to try, not something to ponder. Within a few weeks, he sees reduced conflict. More confidence. More control. That early success builds buy- in.
Only then, when the storm starts to calm – does he begin to explore the deeper stuff: trust, resentment, fear of failure. And that work lands because it’s rooted in momentum and strength.
Integrating the whole system: body, mind, and performance
A masculine therapy model doesn’t stop at talk therapy. We build full-spectrum performance plans:
Fitness: Movement normalizes cortisol, testosterone, and dopamine, your body chemistry literally shifts when you start training again.
Sleep: You don’t need more meds. You need to stop treating sleep like an optional feature.
Nutrition: Mood, focus, and resilience are built in the kitchen as much as in the therapy office.
Medication (if needed): I don’t prescribe, but I collaborate with physicians who use a minimalist, functional approach, only if it serves your bigger mission.
This is mental health coaching with clinical roots – not passive listening. We're restoring control by stacking small wins. That’s how we build trust. That’s how we earn the readiness for exploring the deeper layers later.
Who thrives in this model?
This performance-based, masculine-aligned therapy model is best for:
Men who feel traditional therapy is too slow or abstract
Veterans, first responders, business leaders, and entrepreneurs
Clients who value logic, structure, and measurable improvement
People who want to take action – not just talk it out
If therapy hasn’t worked for you before, it doesn’t mean you failed and it doesn’t mean therapy is useless. It may mean the method didn’t match your operating system.
Therapy isn’t one-size-fits-all. Some people grow from exploring emotion. Others grow by creating clarity, structure, and results.
Final word: Doesn’t require you to become someone else
You don’t need to cry on a couch to get better. You don’t have to over-share to grow.
You don’t need to trade strength for softness.
You need a system. A mission. And a therapist who respects how you’re built.
Masculine therapy doesn’t soften your edge. It sharpens your strategy.
This is how high-performers rebuild.
This is how men change – without losing who they are in the process. Let’s get to work.
William Kimmins, Licensed Mental Health Therapist
Will Kimmins is a leader in treating chronic stress and trauma, especially in people who have been exposed to traumatic events repeatedly over long periods. After his career as a special operator in the US military, Will saw the shortfalls of the mental health field when engaging with people like him and decided to do something about it. Will founded his private mental health practice to engage with people who had survived chronic trauma exposure differently, increasing their competence and agency so that their healing comes from within. Will is also credentialed for animal-assisted therapy and continues to find ways to help people like him connect more effectively with the care they need.
References:
Addis, M. E., C Mahalik, J. R. (2003). Men, masculinity, and the contexts of help seeking. American Psychologist, 58(1), 5–14.
Seidler, Z. E., Dawes, A. J., Rice, S. M., Oliffe, J. L., C Dhillon, H. M. (2016). The role of masculinity in men's help-seeking for depression: A systematic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 49, 106–118.
Wong, Y. J., Ho, M.-H. R., Wang, S.-Y., C Miller, I. S. K. (2017). Meta-analyses of the relationship between conformity to masculine norms and mental health-related outcomes. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 64(1), 80–93.
