On Relationships and Self-Reflection
- Brainz Magazine
- 3 days ago
- 6 min read
Julia Corotan is a Papua New Guinea-raised Filipino, giving her a unique perspective on life and people. After feeling lost and burnt out in the middle of college, she started writing as a way to express and process her feelings. She then started her blog, Amica Mea, as a means to connect with others who were struggling with the same issues.
It's been said that the most special relationships surprise you in the most unexpected ways. It feels so easy to be with them. It's like you've known them for years when you've only been having coffee for 10 minutes. The first hello, the first smile, the first connection created makes you feel at peace. It's like the missing piece in your heart clicks into place.
I was listening to a podcast by Yes Theory recently, and there was a line where they said, “When a friendship seems like it is too good to be true, it is a sign of a good friendship.”
Reflect on that time when you just knew that this stranger you just met was about to become someone important. Talking to them feels as natural as breathing, where understanding comes without thought. No extra words are needed to explain what you're thinking and feeling. Just a look is all it takes. Someone unexpected who is now someone you can't see life without.
“Life doesn’t give you the people that you want. It gives you the people that you need.”
I've lived and worked in different countries and cities, making friends along the way. I've adapted to different cultures and ways of befriending. I always thought that the relationships we created are the ones that we choose. However, as I got older, I've realized that every life that touches ours is meant to be in our life, every meeting was always destined or arranged by the universe or the stars. Whether they're there as a gift or a lesson, our paths were always meant to cross.
Recently, my life collided with two people who ended up becoming very significant to me. One I consider a lesson, the other, a gift. But these two important people made me self-reflect and eventually choose a road of further self-discovery and healing.
The lesson, we'll call Michael. He came at a time when my heart was lonely, angry, and in desperate need of a distraction. He waltzed into my life with coffee and comic book discussions. Eventually, I realized that we were the same person, just with different ways of showing it. We were both broken, unwilling to change (yet), and not looking for anything serious. The male version of me at that moment.
The lesson? To not be swayed by impulse and pain. I said yes to something I wasn't ready for at that moment, and my mind was clouded by my own emotions. I said yes to prove a point, to myself, to my circumstances, to my pain, to the universe at large.
Matteo is the gift. I wanted to ignore his first message. I'd given up on dating. In fact, I didn't want to date men at this point. I was angry at everyone, including myself, angry at anyone who dared reach out to ask for a night out.
Then I read his first message. Simple. Sincere. Just a "Hi Julia, I thought I'd just say hi, and I hope you're having a good start to your week." And suddenly the rage deflated like a balloon. Reading his message brought a sudden sense of peace through the screen. It took me a couple of hours to reply to his message. In the end, I settled with, "Hi Matteo! No harm in just saying hi. Hope you're having a good start to your week too." Just like that, a connection was forged, as tiny and hesitant as it was.
In the blink of an eye, a few hours flashed by. We'd been talking for that long without me realizing it. Then he asked, “What is your schedule like tomorrow?” and followed it with, “I could totally go on an early afternoon coffee if you’re free.” I found myself agreeing to the coffee date, my one last attempt at dating. I had no expectations before going out, other than catching up with Matteo and getting out of a house that was suffocating me.
My reluctant coffee date turned into the most genuine and romantic date I'd been on in the last five years. We had coffee, followed by a walk along the river with a view of the city in a bit of rain, and, finally, a Ferris wheel ride where we saw the city from the sky. Simple but unforgettable. When we parted ways, I remember looking back at him and seeing him with the softest smile on his face. A thought like lightning struck me, "He's someone special for sure.”
Special, he was. Matteo became a person I could confide in, someone who understood my past and accepted me for everything I am. Through him, I saw that there are still men who are accepting, understanding, sweet, and most importantly, genuine. Because of my past experiences, I had built walls around my heart meant to keep out everyone. He chipped away at them until light could pass through. And with that light came hope. Hope that not everyone is cruel, that not everyone is set to break me. Hope that, like this kind man, there are people who will be gentle with my heart and will take care of it.
Matteo was the gift I never knew I needed. Michael was the lesson that I will forever be grateful for.
Life didn't give me the people, or the outcomes, I wanted. I entered the dating scene wanting a partner, a romantic relationship, but I now realize I was nowhere near ready for that. So instead, life brought two people into my life that I needed. One, a reminder not to give in to my darker impulses and to be blinded by my pain. The second, that life can still surprise you if a real connection is given room to bloom.
Reflecting on my experiences with both Michael and Matteo gave me the push to prioritize my own healing. I can't let my past and hurt dictate the relationships I enter. But at the same time, I can't close myself off from the world and the unexpected moments that can happen.
I’ll let you in on a little secret, readers. I was supposed to have a flight four days before Matteo and I met up. I extended my stay for other reasons. And Matteo? He had just returned from a long stay overseas three weeks before. So yes, life will find a way to bring the people you need to you, and making space for the unexpected is always a possibility. Just like what happened with us.
If there's anything I want you to take away from this piece, it's this, "Life doesn't give you the people that you want. It gives you the people that you need." Each turn, each path, and each day is different. A friend once told me never to settle because you feel like you have to. So keep growing, and become the best version of yourself before deciding on romance and love. Age doesn't define our maturity, and self-discovery is a never-ending process. I think even when I'm 60, I'll still discover new things about myself.
I thought my almost ten-year journey of self-reflection and healing was enough, but as everyone can see in my stories, it clearly wasn't. I thought I was ready to meet people with the intent of settling down, but that was disproven, too. Growth doesn't stop because we think we're already the best version of ourselves. Instead, it's a choice, a step taken every single day. A reminder that we owe it to our younger selves to improve ourselves until they can be proud of us. A fact we can't forget, because to forget is to become stagnant.
So let's embrace the discomfort of being our imperfect selves, of needing to progress and recalibrate to be better, to show up for ourselves better. This self-awareness is a gift that we mustn't take for granted, but instead love and appreciate.
For Michael and Matteo, I'd like to thank both for coming into my life when they did. Michael, I wish you well. Matteo, you're now a friend who holds a special place in my heart. We never know what the future holds, but I know that I'm glad if you're still a part of it.
If you are someone looking for a safe space, or are finding a place to meet like-minded people who are still on that journey of self-discovery and personal development, follow us on Instagram, Facebook, or visit our website or our Becoming You YouTube channel. A place for all dreamers, new and old, fostering connections through stories.
(Names were changed to maintain privacy.)
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Read more from Julia Mae Corotan
Julia Mae Corotan, Motivational Speaker and Content Creator
Julia Corotan has always been passionate about studying and learning about different cultures. As a Filipino born and raised in Papua New Guinea, where her parents worked, she was nurtured in a community with diverse cultures and instilled a desire to help others. She took this a step further when she joined and worked for AIESEC, an international leadership organization with a presence in over 100 countries. She also began her blog, Amica Mea (my beloved or my companion in Latin), as a way to connect with others struggling with burnout and feeling lost about their path in life. Her mission, connection through stories.
