Living with Integrity Begins by Honouring Life’s Simple Truths
- Brainz Magazine
- Mar 28
- 6 min read
Updated: Mar 29
Written by Michael deMaine, Business and Life Coach
Mike deMaine is well known as a leader in the sports and entertainment industry on and off the field. He has taken his skills to leading men and women, identifying and overcoming challenges in their own personal and professional lives, specifically around honesty and living authentic lives. He is the founder and host of the "Honesty on Fire" podcast.
We often dismiss the wisdom hidden in life’s simplest clichés truths taught to us as children that could solve many of life’s problems if followed. Yet, somewhere along the way, we lose sight of these guiding principles, allowing fear, ego, and external pressures to lead us down a path of dishonesty. This article explores how returning to these basic truths, setting boundaries, treating others with respect, and living in obedience to the truth can rewire our habits and bring us back to a life of authenticity and peace.
Often, when we develop bad habits, we lose sight of the simplicity of life. We learn some basic rules early on in life that as we get older, we tend to discount or forget. We are taught early on:
Do unto others as you would have them do to you
Family comes first
You are what you eat
Think before you speak
If you can’t say something nice about someone, don’t say anything at all
And my new again personal mantra:
Honesty is the best policy
Isn’t it funny that if we followed the advice of those cliches, we could solve a lot of the problems in the world? If I listened to the advice that “You are what you eat,” then I would not be a double bacon cheeseburger chased with a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. While it’s a bit tongue and cheek, I’ll admit but, I’ve been taught the lessons in these cliches repeatedly, yet for some reason, my hard head doesn’t get the message.
Why is it so hard for us to follow the basic principles of our parents' cliches? Why can’t we dumb life down to the Ten Commandments, of which “bearing false witness” is universally accepted as the lying one? In my experience, my innate nature and human heart want to do the right thing, but I seem to allow factors outside of my soul to affect my decisions. It begins with a threat, a fear, a stressful situation, or a desire to pump the ego, and ultimately results in pleasing someone or something with what I think they want to hear. Not what is true, not what may sting, and not what may be an admission of a shortcoming or a failure on my part. How do we train ourselves to flip that script? How do we rewire the 30-40 years of repetitive behavior that has created “false witness” as my default?
It's not as simple as three steps, but I’ve broken it down to three key components that will get you: Honesty is the best policy, doing unto others as you would have them do unto you, and being what you eat.
Boundaries: Honesty is the best policy
The number one thing people who are struggling with lying and honesty struggle with is boundaries. Their own. They have none. They are people pleasers, and while sometimes this is an endearing quality, over time, and lie after lying it is a deadly quality. Liars want to make everyone happy, and because they have no boundaries to keep themselves safe, they end up making nobody happy. Lies wreak havoc and destruction for all those in their wake. To stop yourself from lying, you must create boundaries for yourself. This is hard because you don’t like to tell people no, you fear their reaction when you muster the courage to say the second-best answer there is after Yes of course.
Liars see boundaries only as relating to others because they’ve never set healthy boundaries for themselves. They see the boundaries of others as rejection, abandonment, and a statement that the person doesn’t want them around. They don’t realize that the other person is often engaging in healthy behavior.
Boundaries as protecting liars’ ability to breathe. They give the opportunity to think through a response before rocketing off a falsehood. Permission to leave an argument they don’t want to be in, which often leads to a lie. Boundaries are a liar’s friend if they learn how to enact them.
Boundaries are the lifeblood of personal honesty and peace. Liars don’t know how to operate in peace because they are used to operating in chaos. Boundaries allow the chaos to calm.
Golden rule: Do unto others
Going back to the cliches, the Golden Rule of the bible that was pounded into my head comes from Matthew 7:12 “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” I’m not sure this is quite the key to life role that dubs it as Golden, but it certain seems like a basic life principle that so many people have forgotten or chosen to ignore in this era of “Me First” and “IG Influencers and Follower Focused” individuals. People are quick to dash off mean-spirited comments in the DMs, the posts, or even the anonymity of an email.
The Golden Rule of addiction recovery and, in this case, lying is “the only thing you can control is you”. You can only control your actions, your behavior, and your reactions to other people’s behavior. This is a heavily nuanced concept that goes right along with boundaries. Liars are trying to control everything the narrative of a conversation, the way their partners/co-worker reacts, the bad reactions of their victim, and the fear and shame that they are trying to prevent from occurring. The result is always losing control over the one thing they are trying to control. They are controlled by their lying and inauthentic communication and relations with whomever they are lying to.
When you can allow truth stand, in whatever form it may take thoughts, words, answers, feelings without attempting to control the response, you are on your way. This does not mean you have to be cold to the response. Yes, you want the response to be positive, you want it to be stress-free, and you want the intended party to be empathetic towards you or show sympathy. The way to get there genuinely and honestly is simple control yourself with honest and true acts and give up control of the outcome to the truth.
There is a debate in our 12-step groups about giving up to a higher power, believers and non-believers, both struggle with what is the higher power. It’s almost a cop out. In our case, the highest power is the truth (and yes, Biblical readers will make the appropriate connections), but the truth is the key to peace for a liar.
Obedience: You are what you eat
Yes, I love cheeseburgers, really any burger. I also love ice cream. If I eat those every day or even a few times a week. As strong as my workout routine is, it would not be able to keep up with my obedience to burgers and ice cream.
Lying is no different. If you allow yourself to be in situations where you are not at your peak alcohol or drug use, inappropriate relationships, non-transparent financial practices, and shady cell phone usage, you will get fat. Fat on yourself.
Obedience is defined as compliance with an order or request or submission to another’s authority. To beat this affliction, you must be obedient to the authority of truth, and you must do so every day, in every interaction. Obedience is not easy, and living truthfully and honestly is clearly not easy. Repeated obedience to the truth over a long period of time will make you what you eat. It will allow you to live truthfully and honestly.
So, while those clichés may seem, well, cliché, there is power in simplicity. There is peace in the process. Truly, Honesty is the best policy.
To explore more insights and thought-provoking conversations, check out my podcast Honesty on Fire, available on Apple Podcasts.
Michael deMaine, Business and Life Coach
Mike deMaine is a seasoned sports and entertainment professional. He has led many successful brand launches, building developments, and revenue operations of professional sports teams. He is a leader in life coaching individuals to lead and become honest and authentic in their daily lives. He has launched the Honesty on Fire podcast and leads multiple self-help groups online weekly.
