Is Confidence Really All It’s Cracked Up to Be? Discover the Truth
- 16 hours ago
- 6 min read
Written by Jim Lutz, Confidence Coach
Jim Lutz earned his reputation over 37 years of coaching novice to elite swimmers. He has also been in finance and insurance for over 20 years. He has earned the Neuro-Linguistic Programming Master designation from ABNLP and is a certified Life Coach.
Most successful stories highlight the confidence of those who were crowned victors. The ability to perform at the highest levels is not for the faint of heart and is built on a solid foundation. Simply stating your intentions of success is hollow unless results correlate to your prediction(s). As they say, if you are going to talk the talk, you must walk the walk. But is it simply that some are more gifted? If you asked 10 people for the definition of success, you are likely to receive 10 different answers, each covering a different element on the spectrum.
However, there are common threads among the elite athletes I coached and the individuals who overcame the barriers placed in their paths. Confidence is a requirement, but you can take it to a practical level regardless of your talent.
Clarity of goals and desires. For years, people felt that creating a ‘Goal Sheet’ was the best way to hold oneself and others accountable. But there is a massive problem with ‘Goals.’ Goals are those items that we have complete control over, both internally and externally. Reality has shown that many factors can determine our outcomes. Desires are what most have perceived as goals, and their lack of success is perceived as their inadequacies. Goals should be stated as, “I have complete control of these (fill in the blank) and I will achieve (fill in the blank). Desires should be stated as, “If I complete my goals, my desired outcome would be (fill in the blank).” The goal should be attainable but challenging.
Attitude and mindset. Nelson Mandela said, “I have never failed. I have either won or learned.” Setbacks are part of the growth process. Embrace them, but let them go quickly. If you never fail, you will never get out of your comfort zone. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Olympic Champion Katie Ledecky is known to fail more than she succeeds in her training sessions, as she constantly challenges herself to achieve more. With each success, regardless of its magnitude, confidence will develop, along with a solid foundation on which to build to reach greater heights.
“Knowledge is power.” If you are not learning, you are losing. Knowledge is not specific to your chosen field. In fact, learning about other random items can benefit your approach and outlook toward the task you face. Most generals studied tactics from those that were successful and why others failed. Eliminating questioning others may be the first step toward your demise. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but it strengthens those seeking success beyond their present state. Discovering answers to previously unknown areas is vital to long-lasting success because confidence grows as you expand yourself.
Birds of a feather. Elite athletes are often perceived as selfish. Nothing could be further from the truth. Elite athletes are disciplined. They are focused on every aspect that is needed to be as close to perfect as possible. If they are deficient in any area, the outcome will suffer, and they will continue to fail beyond a certain point. The weakness will be their demise. Other elite athletes understand this concept, as they, too, live similarly. They are not insulted, nor do they take it personally when plans may change at the last minute, because a person has not completed a necessary task. Find people at your level or above and spend time with them. Spending time with people who are not successful will fill your days with reasons for failure versus options for success.
The best for last, balance. This is not a new concept but rather a reminder. Balance is often divided between work and personal life. It is not as simple as two elements. Personal has multiple features: spiritual, health, diet, sleep, fitness, and family
Confident people lend themselves to be leaders
One difference between leading and being a leader is the way they treat and encourage those they are responsible for leading.
Those who lead lift others so they can achieve success. They are not intimidated by others' success. They support the ‘team members’ to openly share their ideas and opinions, but also allow them to fail. Ultimately, this leading position must take responsibility for the successes and failures. When the team sees this acceptance, they learn to ‘coach up’ the person in charge. They understand their success can be elevated or destroyed by the person in charge, and they want the best outcome for all. A sense of contributing leads to confidence and improved self-esteem.
The leader is often perceived as authoritarian, or the tip of the spear, and everything is determined and dependent upon their decisions. Members of this team are solely responsible for specific results. They are given a roadmap that they cannot deviate from. This is not to say this is an inadequate or unsuccessful method, but the person in charge must be perceptive and offer some flexibility. Our culture has changed, and adaptation is needed for those who have not established a reputation or credibility, but they must continue to stand on their foundational principles.
Even if you must create your team of one, make it the one others can follow
Set a standard that you would expect of others to contribute to your team. Hold yourself accountable to that standard. Giving yourself grace is one thing, but acceptance of your weaknesses as tolerable hinders any progress you desire.
Set the standard for yourself and quit comparing yourself to others. Each situation is different, including talents, intellect, financial resources, and supporting cast. Do not imitate what others do, imitate their work ethic.
Self-talk and becoming your biggest fan and cheerleader. Society brings negativity, and you need to counter these influences with confidence. Believe you are capable of handling these negative items with ease and adjust when needed.
Accept the responsibility to “make the call.” Even if you feel you have no idea what you are doing, believe you will get to the point you are focusing on.
Appreciate the support, but think for yourself. You ultimately will make the call. However, you should continue to seek competent individuals from whom you can gain insight and be inspired. They form your network of confidants and confidence.
Follow through the process. Unless you believe permanent damage is likely, enduring the setbacks often creates additional opportunities for future success.
See your success before starting the process. When you can visualize yourself beyond the success and look back to see it unfold, your mind will believe you have already achieved it, and doubt will be lessened, if not removed. This can be a practice learned by a certified coach in Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP)
Debrief the operation. All military operations have a debriefing as part of the process. What worked, what did not work, and why for both. Honesty and truth must be the core of this, or nothing will be resolved, and improvement cannot happen. Your network (No. 5) and your team members must participate with 100% contribution.
Big or small, a win is a win. Celebrate even the smallest movement in the right direction. Use these positive moments to build confidence, which will reinforce your belief in the process (No. 6).
The confidence is already within your grasp
The sheer thought of being confident can in itself be intimidating. Breaking the process into smaller steps can make it more manageable and achievable in a timely manner. Most of our talents are hidden until they are needed. The most important step you will take is the first one. You will challenge yourself to break from the mold that has molded your comfort zone. Acceptance of the “it has always been done this way” is your biggest nemesis. It can also be the easiest hurdle to overcome. Believe in yourself and take the leap of faith, and watch the confidence point begin to amass in your favor. If you are ready to break the barriers that bind you and achieve levels beyond your reach, book a coaching call today. Together, we can create a continued journey of success, and you can wipe your feet of doubt. Click here to book a call.
Read more from Jim Lutz
Jim Lutz, Confidence Coach
Jim Lutz is a published writer with over 12 books and is currently working on a children's series focusing on ADHD characteristics. It is a fun reading experience. His life coaching has covered clients from world-ranked athletes to professionals and students. His program is designed for individuals to overcome self-doubt by breaking down limiting beliefs to achieve confidence. Jim empowers leaders who have experienced burnout, frustration, or a sense of "hitting the wall" to gain balance and achieve their highest global impact.
