Impact of the Past
Written by: Nadine Zeinoun Khoury, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Has your past really passed?
Have you ever been in a situation where you had to work with someone and, for no particular reason, you just couldn’t tolerate them?!
Or perhaps you felt that you just couldn't be yourself when you are around this person, and this really bugged you?
Well, I recently encountered this situation with a colleague, and I must say, it wasn’t a pleasant feeling at all!
And what made the situation worse is that I had known this person back in college, and we had been quite close, so she was actually delighted that we would be working together.
Unfortunately, I didn’t share that feeling at all, and that worsened the situation by sprinkling some guilt into the already unpleasant feelings I was going through.
How to manage such difficult emotional situations?
Well, frankly, in such a situation, I was faced with two scenarios:
Either I ignore those feelings and get done with the common tasks; or
I just say “no” to the project and move along to another project.
Deep down, I knew that both of these scenarios would not serve me. Ignoring my feelings in scenario 1 would only make me a stronger victim of my emotions and would lead to lowering my output and productivity. On the other hand, scenario 2 would make me lose my power to make my own decisions, allowing my emotions to limit my growth.
So, I asked myself this question: “What if there could be a third way? What would that be?”
That is when I decided to actually own my feelings, take responsibility for my emotions, and get curious about them.
Own your feelings.
You know, it would have been very easy for me just to blame her for my feelings and getting creative about the reasons I don’t like her and why she is a bad person.
However, the difficult thing to do is take responsibility for that emotion and really become curious about that feeling.
What was making me feel uncomfortable with her? What did her presence trigger in me?
And of course, it is not always easy nor pleasant to find answers to such questions!
After deeply meditating and focusing my curiosity around this, I was swept away with the information I learned about myself!
I discovered that the real reason I was feeling this dislike towards that person had nothing to do with her!
You see, at the time in my life when I knew this person, I wasn’t in the best place ever. At that stage in my life, I was still confused about who I was, who I wanted to be, and how I would like to show up in this world. As a result, I spent most of my time blending in and trying to please people rather than standing up for what I truly believed in.
In other words, I wasn’t truly living my Authentic Self! And because being authentic is a very important value to me, I guess I didn’t want to be reminded of those days. So that is why my brain had created these unpleasant feelings for me.
So, you see what was happening? I was actually projecting that unpleasant feeling on this wonderful colleague of mine, convincing myself that it was her and not me!
Wow! You cannot imagine the energy, strength, and freedom I felt once I discovered this! My past was actually limiting me, and I had no idea!
Moving Forward.
What are points of your life being dictated by your past? Take a few moments to think about that.
Who are the people at work that trigger some unpleasant feelings in you? Write their names down now!
Now, become curious about these emotions and try to dig deeper to gain more awareness about what is going on and how your emotions are taking control and victimizing you. Once you shed light on these details, you will be ready to move forward with your actions!
If at any point, you feel you need help with this, as always, I am ready to support you with a Free Coaching Session!
Nadine Zeinoun Khoury, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Nadine is a Leader in Emotional & Conversational Intelligence. After growing up in the Lebanese Civil War and having witnessed its drastic consequences in terms of hatred, polarization, disharmony, and low productivity at the country level, Nadine shaped her mission into dedicating all her efforts and her God-given strengths to unleashing teams' productivity through compassion, peace, and harmony. Having experienced the challenges of creating harmony as a corporate leader in the pharmaceutical industry, Nadine now works with corporate leaders struggling with disengaged teams that seem disconnected and do not take any initiatives. Nadine helps them become outstanding, emotionally intelligent leaders capable of exceeding business objectives while inspiring productive, harmonious, and happy teams who are keen on taking the initiative.
