How to Recognize Insufficient Self-Control Schema
Jennifer Martin Rieck is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and the owner of Epijennetics Counseling & Consulting in Libertyville, Illinois. She is also the owner of and writer for epijennetics.com, a website that explores the mental shifts that lead to healthy expression of self and healthy connection to others.
Have you ever looked back at your life and noticed a pattern of incomplete or poorly planned tasks, or impulsive decisions that led to negative consequences or remorse? Do you struggle to tolerate feelings of frustration and boredom, often resulting in an emotional meltdown or quitting things you originally intended to finish? If so, you might be struggling with low frustration tolerance. I practice Schema Therapy, and in Schema Therapy, a person struggling with a low tolerance for frustration or boredom is said to have a high Insufficient Self-Control schema.
What is a schema?
In Schema Therapy, the focus is on working through and improving Early Maladaptive Schemas. An Early Maladaptive Schema is a deeply ingrained, self-defeating pattern of thoughts, emotions, and behaviors developed during childhood. These patterns often result from unmet needs and negative experiences in childhood, leading to problematic mental health symptoms and relationship behaviors later in life. Unfortunately, when Early Maladaptive Schemas aren’t understood or treated, individuals experience frustrating patterns that reinforce harmful beliefs about themselves.
What is insufficient self-control schema?
If you were raised in a home where your parents encouraged you to stay engaged in activities that caused frustration or boredom, you likely developed a strong tolerance for these feelings. However, if you grew up in an environment where your parents responded to your frustration by “rescuing” you or didn’t allow you to experience boredom, you likely failed to develop the tolerance needed to persist through discomfort.
As a result, you might now experience a persistent lack of self-discipline and struggle to manage impulses. Additionally, the repeated failure to complete tasks and goals you set for yourself may have led to feelings of inadequacy or beliefs that you are a failure in adulthood.
Impulse control problems can also lead to regrettable impulsive behaviors, such as overspending, overeating, or substance abuse. Some people become aware of this pattern when they realize they have multiple unfinished projects at home or work. Individuals who struggle with delaying gratification or making impulsive decisions often feel regret after acting without considering the consequences or long-term implications of their choices. They may also fail to follow through on commitments. This lack of follow-through and impulsivity can create strain in relationships, in addition to causing personal difficulties.
How do insufficient self-control schema and ADHD correlate?
Insufficient Self-Control schema frequently appears in individuals with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), likely due to the emotional regulation and executive functioning challenges associated with ADHD. Other contributing factors include a lack of consistent boundaries or discipline from parents, overly permissive parenting, or consistently neglectful parenting. Witnessing parents engage in impulsive or indulgent behaviors may also contribute to the development of an Insufficient Self-Control schema.
Treating insufficient self-control schema
When working with clients who have a high Insufficient Self-Control schema, my first task is to help them recognize when they are feeling frustrated or bored and to acknowledge their feelings. This type of mindfulness helps them understand the “right” way to respond. I often tell my clients that as soon as they notice boredom or frustration, they should put on their coach hat and hype themselves up—acknowledging the feeling but also coaching themselves through it. If the task they are attempting is ultimately beneficial, the last thing I want them to do is quit.
Practicing self-soothing by naming the feeling, asserting that it is okay to feel bored or frustrated, taking a deep breath, and refocusing is a great place to start managing these emotions. Next, plan projects or tasks in a way that feels the least overwhelming.
Breaking a project into different days or sections and completing only one portion at a time can help manage overwhelming emotions. Scheduling a break every 30 to 60 minutes also helps reduce stress and break up the task. Remind yourself why follow-through will pay off or why the goal is important to you. If you try all these strategies and still struggle to manage your emotions, consider therapy, such as cognitive behavioral therapy or schema therapy. A therapist can help you identify what you are feeling and develop strategies to address those emotions in a way that serves you well. Having an accountability partner, whether a therapist, friend, or family member, can also be a great motivator to help you stick with your goals.
If you are a parent and recognize these patterns in your child, ensure that you are not interfering with their ability to develop tolerance for frustration and boredom. This tolerance is necessary for achieving their goals. Although it may be uncomfortable to witness initially, the long-term benefits are worth the short-term discomfort. You owe it to your child to make every effort to set them up for success.
Understanding is the beginning of change
In conclusion, understanding the emotions and patterns that create difficulties in your life is the first step toward changing them. Sometimes, simply learning that there is a name for what you are experiencing can be the catalyst for change. If you recognize some characteristics of Insufficient Self-Control schema in your life, further exploring them in therapy may be beneficial. Insufficient Self-Control schema can also coincide with emotional regulation issues and executive functioning difficulties. If you notice these challenges, it may be worthwhile to explore your concerns in therapy.
Having a neuropsychological evaluation to rule in or out ADHD, particularly if you struggle to make the changes you want or if ADHD runs in your family, may also help you better understand your struggles.
If you are in the state of Illinois or Wisconsin and are interested in working together in therapy, or if you want to learn more about Schema Therapy, please feel free to visit my website.
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Jennifer Martin Rieck, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor
Jennifer Martin Rieck is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and the owner of Epijennetics Counseling & Consulting and epijennetics.com, a website that explores healthy self-expression and healthy connection to others. She specializes in working with individuals who struggle to break free from Narcissistic or Self-Sacrificing relationship patterns.
