How to Rebuild Trust After Infidelity
- Brainz Magazine
- 3 days ago
- 5 min read
Has a recent betrayal left your relationship feeling unsteady? Our expert panelists shares compassionate, practical strategies for rebuilding trust, and finding a path forward, together.
Expert Panelists
1. Lead with honest accountability
Rebuilding trust begins with complete accountability, owning the betrayal fully, without excuses or deflection. This requires honest, ongoing communication that creates space for both partners to express the raw emotions that follow: hurt, anger, confusion, and everything in between.
The unfaithful partner must be willing to answer difficult questions with transparency, demonstrating through action that nothing is hidden anymore. Using “I feel… when you …” statements helps express the impact of actions without triggering defensiveness, while active listening allows the injured partner to feel truly seen and heard, an essential step toward healing.
This combination of responsibility and candid dialogue doesn’t erase what happened, but it does begin to repair the rupture. Over time, these consistent efforts create a new foundation. One built on renewed trust, deeper understanding, and the hard-won wisdom that comes from facing painful truths together.
2. Choose healing over resentment
Let’s be real, infidelity is a deep attachment wound. First, decide if this is a true deal breaker for you. If you’re willing to move past it, here are steps to take: 1. Commit to open and honest communication from here on out, setting clear boundaries. 2. Take time to reconnect and forgive. 3. Decide to move on from this event and don’t let resentment be the silent killer. 4. Discuss with a 3rd party like a therapist or coach if needing more support.
Cheers to rebuilding security and safety for a better future. I have a whole course on rebuilding secure attachment if interested in this work.
3. Heal the past, protect the present
It begins with a willingness to sit with the truth and the pain it created. Both partners need to acknowledge that the wound did not only break the relationship, it also activated old patterns of fear, abandonment, and unworthiness within the subconscious mind. The partner who caused the breach must take full responsibility with steady honesty and predictable behavior, while the partner who was hurt needs space to feel their emotions without being rushed or told to move on. Healing starts when both choose honesty, humility, and patience every single day.
One of the most helpful ways to reopen emotional safety is to use Ho’oponopono as a shared healing practice. Sit together, breathe slowly, and repeat the four statements with sincerity: I am sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you. This is not meant to erase what happened, but to heal the emotional charge so both hearts can breathe again. Inner child work is equally important. The partner who feels betrayed often carries a younger part inside that feels unsafe or unworthy. Place a hand on your heart, breathe gently, and whisper words of affirmation and comfort: I am here, I am safe, I (am willing) choose healing. This shifts your body from survival to grounding.
Hypnosis and guided imagery can also support both partners by revealing the deeper wounds underneath the reactions. These practices help access the subconscious mind where old beliefs are stored, and they offer a safe pathway to reframe painful patterns into healthier emotional responses. Instead of focusing on the details of the betrayal, use these sessions to understand what the wound awakened inside you and how you want to grow moving forward.
The most important part of rebuilding trust is consistency. Honest conversations, emotional check-ins, and shared healing practices slowly create a sense of safety again. Trust grows when both partners show up with compassion, accountability, and presence, not perfection. When you make space for emotional truth, nurture the inner child, and use healing practices like Ho’oponopono and hypnosis, the relationship can evolve into something wiser, stronger, and more authentic than before.
Dr. Kapil and Rupali Apshankar, Award-Winning Board-Certified Clinical Hypnotists | Board-Certified Coaches
4. Give yourself the first dose of trust
Healing begins the moment you decide on that commitment. It resides within the soft walls of your self-worth. The walls that take you back to your authentic truth, self, presence and being. When trust is broken between partners, it was simply telling you what you have been intuitively ignoring. When rebuilding trust is what you need to recover from infidelity, you are allowed to dive introspectively into your wisdom, questions like, "What steps can you take today to rebuild trust in yourself first?" and "How would your life feel if trust were fully restored, both in yourself and in the relationship?"
Rebuilding trust starts with you, by simply honouring your intuition inner-voice you strengthen self-trust and create space for relationships to heal. But before opening your heart fully again, gently reflect on one final question, "Can I truly allow someone back into the sanctuary of my heart without losing the lessons my soul has learned?" Remember, the walls of your sanctuary are precious. What you mend will not tolerate another intrusion, your self-worth is far more valuable than the chaos of repeating another agony. So trust yourself to never trust the same relationship patterns into your life, again!
5. Listen, breathe & heal
As a couples coach, family mediator, mindfulness and breath expert, and forgiveness specialist, my core message is this, "Trust is rebuilt by consistent truth-telling aligned with observable behavior over time."
Begin with a full-disclosure conversation in a safe container. Name the harm, set zero-contact boundaries with third parties, and agree on transparent systems (shared calendars, device boundaries, weekly check-ins) for a defined healing window. Regulate before you relate: we use breath-driven nervous-system repair, think 4-7-8 for downshifting cortisol and paced, coherent breathing to restore tolerance, so partners can hear each other without re-traumatizing. Then craft a restitution plan with measurable acts of repair (accountability statements, empathy reps, reliability milestones) and a timeline for earning, not demanding. Trust.
Integrate meaning-making: guided forgiveness work reframes the story from betrayal to lesson without minimizing the injury. My Forgiveness Retreats for couples and individuals help move clients from survival to secure connection. For daily structure, my forthcoming journal, Breathing into Forgiveness: 31 Days of Mindful Movement into Forgiveness (releasing end of December 2025 on Amazon), offers somatic resets, reflections, and micro-commitments.
For a deeper dive, my book Breathe With Me includes a full section on forgiveness and its effects on the body. Reach me at breathewithrem@gmail.com to begin a tailored rebuild plan.
6. Name what you feel
Focus on emotional accuracy, naming what you feel without turning it into ammunition. Betrayal activates the nervous system, so regulating your body is just as important as regulating the conversation. Instead of rushing toward forgiveness or demanding instant repair, focus on small, consistent behaviors that make safety feel possible again, like showing up when you say you will and communicating proactively. Transparency with boundaries creates clarity, while surveillance creates resentment, so couples must distinguish between the two early on. Trust isn’t restored through grand gestures. It’s rebuilt through predictable patterns that make honesty, accountability, and connection feel safe again.
7. Step back to move forward
Sometimes the most courageous step in rebuilding trust is recognising when distance is necessary, even if that means choosing to walk away for a time. Stepping back can create the space that both partners need to reflect, heal and reconnect with their own sense of self, allowing the hurt partner to rebuild self-worth and explore forgiveness, whilst giving the partner who betrayed the relationship an opportunity to truly reflect on and confront the impact of their actions. Infidelity doesn’t automatically define a person’s future choices; meaningful change is possible when genuine remorse meets a willingness to grow. With clarity, accountability and space, some couples find that they can eventually come together again from a healthier, more honest and emotionally safe place.
