How Perfectionism Holds You Back and What You Can Do to Break Free
Alexis Lynch specializes in neurodiversity and encourages the community to incorporate a "difference, not a deficit" mindset. Lynch is neurodivergent herself and feels this assists in the therapeutic process and client relationship.
Were you the kid who didn’t like participating in group projects? Even as an adult, you may have a difficult time working on projects at your job. Why do you think some struggle with this? Consider perfectionism. Struggling with perfectionism can lead to feeling frustrated with others, as you may think that the other group members do not strive for the exact expectations you’ve set for yourself. These perceived expectations can lead to avoidance, burnout, resentment, and fear.
Perfectionism can stem from early childhood expectations, society or cultural factors, personality, psychological issues (such as OCD), and traumatic life events. Perfectionism affects individuals differently but often causes intense fear. The fears highlighted by perfectionism can manifest as a fear of failure, criticism, and feeling out of control. When this happens, we may take on the entirety of the project, overcommitting to responsibilities, which can lead to burnout and potentially resentment towards others. You may have already had trust issues with people, which can lead to an overcommitted response. This reinforcement of the feeling that there is a lack of trust in others goes beyond the idea of perfectionism.
Trusting others means letting go of the expectations that a person with perfectionism has set for themselves. Most of the time, perfectionist expectations are unreasonable, which makes it frustrating to complete projects and tasks. External pressure may highlight a person’s vulnerabilities, making them feel as though they are losing control. Anxiety and perfectionism love control as it perceives the situation as being taken care of and is being completed the “right” way. The “right” way is the expectations we hold.
Avoiding imperfection by trying to control all aspects of the project perpetuates the cycle of anxiety and inadequacy due to the pressure they’ve put upon themselves. This is not only seen in group projects but can leak into other parts of someone’s life (such as relationships and tasks). Checking in with yourself to ensure the expectations that are being held are reasonable. If you don’t go to the gym at all, you wouldn’t assume you could start going five days per week. This will surely set you up for failure and is not sustainable for consistent workouts.
Gaining awareness is the first step to understanding your perfectionism and expectations. One point of gaining awareness can be seen when you say, “I should have.” This reflects that there are internalized beliefs and expectations. The hope is that this will help you slow your thought process down enough in moments of awareness of perfectionism and utilize the check-in. By doing this, it will help alleviate some of the feelings of fear, control, avoidance, and resentment.
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Alexis Lynch, Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Alexis Lynch is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor in the State of Florida. She specializes in neurodiversity and encourages the community to incorporate a "difference, not a deficit" mindset. Lynch is neurodivergent herself and feels this assists in the therapeutic process and client relationship. Lynch empowers her clients to utilize their strengths to work toward self-discovery and find comfort in feeling uncomfortable to gain confidence when met with challenges. The client can feel more present in their lives and reduce their anxiety by gaining this confidence and a newfound sense of self.
