From Shy To Confident – Unleashing The Power Within
- Aug 24, 2023
- 6 min read
Updated: Aug 25, 2023
Written by: Erik Dmitriy Palatnik, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Can a self-destructive inner dialogue actually portray you as more introverted than your true nature? And does the inner critic hinder you from expressing your authentic beauty? Allow me to introduce you to Katya and witness her inspirational transformation from self-doubt to profound self-confidence. Could instant Transformation through Rapid Therapy truly be attainable?
March 2022
In the buzzing coffee shop, a determined yet reserved Katya approaches the counter for her daily coffee. Beneath her modest exterior lies a sea of self-doubts. Struggling with her Slavic accent, she bravely places her order: "I'd like a large cappuccino with oat milk, please."
The coffee shop employee, a young man, looks a little puzzled, "A cup of what, sorry?"
"A cup of cappuccino, please."
"Ah... a large cappuccino without milk?"
"No, with oat milk."
"I'm sorry, we don't have goat milk"
"I'd like to get oat milk!" She tries to speak up but avoids eye contact with the man.
"God milk?" – I'm so sorry, I don't quite understand.
"O-a-t milk," Katya points at the package of oat milk at the counter.
"Ah, right! A large cappuccino with oat milk - Right away!"
"That's what I just said," Katya thinks to herself, her face flushing with embarrassment and frustration. She feels exhausted and utterly drained from the awkward conversation. A charming 28-year-old, Katya relocated to Estonia a few years ago. Externally shy and humble, she wrestles with deep insecurities. Despite excelling as an A-grade student in media design, she struggles to believe in her abilities. Currently juggling several low-paying contracts, she longs for stable employment and updates her CV regularly. However, when invited for interviews, anxiety strikes, leading her to avoid them altogether. Fear of humiliation, stumbling over words, and being misunderstood become insurmountable obstacles. Could anyone see potential in someone so introverted? While she dreads these coffee shop encounters, her love for coffee draws her back every day. Katya admits today, "Before entering the coffee shop, I'd mentally rehearse the phrases to order my coffee. It took immense strength, both mental and physical." Whenever others misunderstand her, Katya's inner critic unleashes a barrage of harsh self-talk: "Oh, not again! Can't you speak properly? Everyone else seems to be understood, but not you! What's wrong with you?" The weight of self-doubt and frustration weighs heavily on her, leaving her questioning her communication abilities and feeling inadequate.
August 2022
This is what Katya wrote in her testimonial 5 months after our RTT (Rapid Transformational Therapy) session: "My hypnosession was in the middle of February and the effect of it has been preserved for almost 5 months. My request was this – periodically manifested bouts of social phobia, which terribly interfere with life. To track my progress, Dmitry and I chose a common daily activity that caused me panic, fear and stress – ordering coffee at a coffee shop. (...) After the session and regular listening to my audio recording (now I don’t listen to it regularly, I turn it on periodically when I want to add confidence to myself in some situation), my problem began to disappear over time. After Dmitry and I determined where the roots of my problem come from, the situation clearly went uphill. Every other day I went and ordered coffee and every time it turned out better and better! Now I don’t even think about this action anymore, it happens automatically, I calmly repeat if the employee didn’t hear me (now I understand that this is not happening because I’m somehow different, but simply people can do something not just hear). Nowadays, I don't even ask anyone to order me a coffee, but I go and communicate with the employees myself and order coffee for everyone! And I feel great! Now, I am happy to help people who come up on the street to ask for directions or something else, I don’t even prepare for half-day phone calls, as before."
What lies beneath
Low confidence often originates from a sense of low self-esteem – a judgment of our value. Believing we have little value is not just subjective; it's utterly wrong! Each person possesses inherent value. You are enough just because you are! No explanations required. If your personal perception of your inherent worth seems distorted, it's likely rooted in your childhood. These past experiences might range from significant events, such as a father leaving the family and a mother struggling with depression, leaving a four-year-old without proper explanation or comfort – an issue I encountered with a client. Yet, seemingly minor incidents, like feeling foolish in front of older children, can also leave a lasting negative impact. As a result, a person may internalize these experiences and develop a belief that they are inherently inadequate, or “different”, as Katya writes in her review, shaping their perspective on life. Low confidence and self-esteem can lead to impostor syndrome, social anxiety, and even depression. In Katya's case, her struggles with self-confidence contributed to her depression. In fact, she was diagnosed with clinical depression and prescribed antidepressants a year before our session. The winter months were particularly challenging for her during this time.
What to do
To enhance your self-worth, it's essential to shift your self-talk – the inner monologue – from negative to positive.
In order to achieve this, you can begin expressing affirming thoughts to yourself. It's also important to praise yourself for your accomplishments, even if they seem minor. You can start by looking into the mirror and saying nice and positive things to yourself.
Nevertheless, you may have observed that despite the initial positive feeling, solely reciting affirmations each morning may not always feel right. Why is that?
Let's dig deeper
This is due to the fact that our brain cannot simultaneously hold conflicting beliefs. For instance, if you hold a belief that you are unintelligent (“I’m so stupid!”), introducing a new affirmation that asserts your intelligence will merely bounce off your mind, failing to make a substantial impact. This phenomenon occurs because your long-standing belief holds a deeper, more ingrained place within you. So, how exactly did Katya manage to transform her self-perception after a single RTT session?
Take it to the next level
In RTT I use relaxation methods and find the entry to your unconscious beliefs. Together we identify those childhood experiences that shaped your negative self-perception. We reframe those experiences from an adult perspective. This alone is so powerful that negative beliefs about oneself fade and can easily be replaced with new positive and empowering ones. Once and for good. Watch an example of an RTT session with me here. Read an interview with Marisa Peer, the founder of Rapid Transformational Therapy to find out more. Within just 1-3 RTT sessions, my clients experience amazing transformations. Imagine yourself confidently embracing prosperous business deals, effortlessly pursuing promotions, and calmly discussing salary negotiations with unwavering self-assurance. Envision the profound impact on your life when you're free from worrying about others' opinions and the distracting inner critic, allowing your mind to embrace creative ideas and inspiration, effortlessly reaching a state of flow. Consider Katya's journey: Not only did her depression disappear, but she also stopped avoiding job interviews altogether. In fact, she successfully landed a job, securing a stable salary.
Sidenote: All of this happened while her primary request was to enhance her self-assurance and be able to confidently order coffee. Elevate your self-assurance to new heights. Let me be your dedicated therapist and life coach, empowering you to unlock your genuine potential and reshape your personal story.
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Erik Dmitriy Palatnik, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Erik Dmitriy Palatnik is a renowned psychotherapeutic coach and hypnotherapist specialising in inner child work. He helps individuals overcome challenges like low self-esteem, social anxiety and self-sabotage by addressing childhood traumas and shifting their mindset towards a fulfilling future. Erik's own journey intertwines gender and identity reformation, which gives him a deep understanding and empathy and helps him to create a safe space for personal growth. His mission to help individuals realise their inner potential resonates in a world seeking authentic connection and self-expression. With fluency in English, German, and Russian, he effortlessly connects with individuals from diverse backgrounds.
