Find Your North Star With 10 Steps to Authenticity and Purpose
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 9
- 9 min read
Written by Catherine Skinner, Female Empowerment Coach
Catherine Skinner is a female empowerment coach focused on the global issues that disproportionately impact women. Her vision is that every woman can discover her full potential by cultivating self-compassion, connecting with authenticity and living life on purpose.
Do you feel frustrated by where you are and what you’ve achieved so far in your life and your career? When I turned 45, I was overwhelmed with a need to start living life on purpose, to find meaning and to make a difference. I realised I was at the halfway point in my life and career, but I was feeling lost, frustrated, and to be honest, undervalued. At the time, I was working full-time as the CEO of a non-profit organisation in London supporting domestic abuse survivors, Chair of Governors at my children’s school, raising my children with my husband, and trying to work out how I could make time to care for my mum. I was looking for more, despite the fact that I was already completely oversubscribed. Fast-forward 18 months and I had been through a breast cancer diagnosis, my Mum’s passing and complete physical and psychological burnout.
Transformation is seldom painless, but often beautiful
I had gone from being desperate to find purpose and meaning to being completely powerless, exhausted and grief-stricken. To say it was a hard time is something of an understatement, but it was also a period of transformation. My experience of burnout showed me that I had not looked after myself, I was not free to be myself and I was not on the path I wanted to be on. I resigned from my job, cut back on all the roles and responsibilities I had amassed and focused on what mattered to me. I founded my own coaching company dedicated to collaborating with women to find their own purpose. Then I took a deep dive into the research on why so many women are burning out, experiencing health problems and feeling stuck and frustrated with their circumstances. This is what I found:
Being female in our culture is hazardous to our health
This is a phrase that I first heard from Dr Sara Szal, who is a specialist in women’s health and works to recognise the root causes of conditions rather than just managing symptoms. Her work often explores the connection between trauma and autoimmune disease, which are both extremely common in women. She and other clinicians are drawing attention to the social/cultural roles and expectations placed on women and how they interplay with anxiety, depression, burnout, trauma and autoimmune disease. Dr Gabor Mate also points to the damage done to our physical and psychological health by not living authentically. Whilst the ongoing need to find purpose and meaning in our lives, best illustrated in Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, demonstrates that many women are feeling disconnected from the top of the pyramid, (also known as self-actualisation, wholehearted living, or just plain old contentment). Through all of these insights, I have developed a 10-step program to move you from feeling stuck, frustrated, or even trapped, to setting your course, finding the joy in it, and staying on track.
The three phases of personal growth
If you want to break down how personal growth develops into success, you have to start by getting clear on what success looks like. Traditional coaching is based on White European, Male-Centric approaches, essentially starting with the premise that you won't be affected by racism, sexism, or any form of discrimination. It begins with the goal or objective, but it doesn’t account for the fact that most of us don’t know where to start. In reality, we don’t know where to start because we’re too busy taking care of everyone else and trying to do our best to stay alive and keep working. This means coaching needs to take account of the challenges we face as women and work through 3 clear phases:
Finding clarity: This starts with connecting to inner wisdom, getting perspective through taking a step back and tapping into our innate creativity to guide us. This ability helps us to open up more exciting possibilities rather than being defined by limiting beliefs.
Values-driven purpose: We need to take care of ourselves at a deeper level, get in touch with our own authenticity and what that looks like, and then be guided by what really matters to us. We need to get real about what that is, not what we believe is expected from us by others.
Make real progress: The key to success is grit; you need to make up your mind and keep going. You will therefore need to step out of black-or-white thinking and limiting self-beliefs, be kind to yourself when you are learning, own your successes/ achievements and reality check what you are dealing with and what is inside your control.
Signs and symptoms that you are stuck
Signs and symptoms of being stuck are working hard to demonstrate you are in control, but often feeling out of control, overperforming, putting others’ needs before your own, not taking credit for your own success, feeling disconnected, paralysed, unheard or overlooked, regularly trying to manage feelings of rage that seem to come out of the blue, extreme tiredness and fatigue, making too many commitments to feel useful but instead result in feeling overwhelmed, having difficulty assessing what is your responsibility and what you have control over, having trouble sleeping or waking up and high levels of stress.
Related article: The weight of not enough - understanding self-doubt
10 steps to authenticity & purpose
1. Connect to inner wisdom
The practice involved in engaging with self-awareness is frequent. It is available to us at any time, not just when we need it. We need to remind ourselves to check in throughout the day. It is very simple, but a skill that very few people learn. It is the difference between losing your mind in anger when someone cuts you up on the freeway/motorway and staying in control to drive safely rather than recklessly. It’s the ability to recognise when you are struggling to focus because you haven’t had enough to eat, or your mind is elsewhere, or you didn’t get enough sleep. If you practice the ability to understand your own thoughts, feelings and needs, you can apply that to connect with your inner wisdom.
2. Zoom out
Zooming out means having the ability to step back and get perspective, both physically and psychologically. If you are able to regularly practice this, it will naturally open your mind up to creativity and awareness. Whilst you're stuck in a situation, you will never see the woods for the trees. If you are focused on “I hate my job, I hate my job”. You can’t get past the idea of focusing all your energy on something that you don’t want to deal with or tackle. Instead, by zooming out and regularly changing up your perspective, you can reframe it. “I hate my job.” could be: “What would I want my ideal job to look like? How do I want to spend my time? What do I want my day to look like?”
3. Creativity
If you were to simply approach any new endeavour, project, or simple activity with a mindset of curiosity and openness, it doesn’t become this scary thing. It becomes “I wonder if, what would that feel like, how could I do this?” Once you can connect with your creativity, you will find a whole new approach to making progress. It lifts the burden of expectation, anxiety and pressure and opens up new possibilities. The fear of failure is the most effective barrier to progress. If you can take yourself and your ego out of the equation, then it becomes lighter and more playful. It becomes something joyful.
4. Self-compassion
Self-compassion is about courage, trusting yourself, making decisions that serve you and being able to show up for yourself. If it feels like it’s about being rigid and set to a specific set of rules, it’s not self-compassion. You can engage in self-care, taking time for yourself, exercising and making good choices, but if these choices are not led by self-compassion, they will not serve you. You can still over-exercise and punish yourself with self-critical beliefs masquerading as good intentions. Practicing self-compassion sends a powerful message to yourself and others that you can advocate for yourself and make decisions that serve you.
5. Authenticity
Being our most authentic selves is not a luxury for people with resources and money who can live in safety and security. It is a human necessity. The effect of not being exactly who we are can result in chronic health conditions, depression, anxiety, and burnout, and it’s not a coincidence that this is primarily impacting women. The practice of connecting with inner wisdom and self-compassion will support your path to authenticity. When you align with your values, you can continue to make choices that are right for you. If you are truly being yourself, you can never make a mistake. Accepting yourself fully as you are is possibly the greatest gift you can give yourself.
6. Purpose
For women, it is not really about making money, but the barrier to following our purpose is very often a fear of scarcity and failure. We’re led to believe that we are more likely to fail, but the truth is we’re brilliant at adapting and innovating because that’s how we’ve learnt to survive. If you want to follow your purpose and that is to write a book, move to another country, or start a new business, remember: You are capable, you have a track record, and you have skills that will support you. These skills and experiences have come from overcoming adversity throughout your whole life. We are often made to feel that we are not good enough and the odds are stacked against. Nevertheless, we persist, and that is very often our superpower. Women have already been working harder for longer and for less than men forever. Being made to feel inadequate because we are women has been proven wrong billions of times. You only have to do it once.
7. Duality
We live in a world where everything is defined as this or that. It can be very limiting, but it’s really a human response to make sense of the world. We are trying to assess our chances of success and survival by noting what is good and what is bad. It makes sense from an evolutionary perspective, but it does not account for life’s complexities. If you want to simplify success and how to get there, the key ingredient is grit. It’s not how intelligent, sophisticated, talented or capable you are, it’s about not giving up. Keeping your view of yourself limited to success or failure denies the complexity and individuality that makes you, you. Don’t feel limited by duality; it is never just this or that, it is building progress over time.
8. Learning
The gap between knowing and not knowing is called learning and it’s often uncomfortable. Getting comfortable with getting uncomfortable is a practice that supports personal growth. It helps you to keep going when you’re feeling overwhelmed by all the things you don’t know. I prefer the idea of getting used to getting uncomfortable, because the more you do it, the more familiar you get with the feeling, and then you get the experience of knowing that you will be ok. You build up your courage muscle, because if you push a little beyond your comfort zone each day, you will also experience the joy, excitement and sense of accomplishment it brings. Learning works better when you can let go of the outcome and engage a sense of curiosity and creativity.
9. Build trust
If we strengthen muscle memory with positive decisions and then make a mental note of them, sort of psychologically banking them, we can build trust with ourselves in an evidence-based way. You can do this however you want; you could journal, make a note on a post-it, put a marble in a jar, or mark it on a chart. When it comes to challenging self-beliefs, checking them against the evidence is a really effective way of creating an impact. It’s about paying attention and finding out for ourselves, which is crucial for learning. For example, if you build a regular wellness practice, noting these decisions provides you with a bank of evidence that you are trustworthy and capable of taking care of yourself. This gives you more room to show yourself grace.
10. Reality check
Reality check is a commonly used approach in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and is an effective way of challenging negative self-beliefs. What CBT misses, though, in a patriarchal society is, yes, you’ve guessed it, Patriarchy. Whilst CBT is about referring to the evidence, it is actively trying to convince us that our negative thinking is not reality, but for women, we have very strong reasons to be fearful or have negative thoughts, as we are more likely to experience adversity. This is where we need to reflect more objectively on what is inside and outside our control. Not everything is on you, which means there is more out of your control than you may think, and whilst that can feel scary, it can also feel quite liberating.
Start your journey today
If this article resonated with you, it’s easy to take your first step. Discover a powerful path to authentic, purposeful living. Don't miss the June Reset Challenge, a free, short online experience designed to help you pause, reflect, and set a clearer, more authentic direction for the second half of the year using accessible tools from my North Star Framework.
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Read more from Catherine Skinner
Catherine Skinner, Female Empowerment Coach
Catherine Skinner is an expert in the field of female empowerment. A Director in the non-profit sector for 15 years, she has worked with thousands of women experiencing different challenges, from breast cancer to domestic abuse. Having reached burnout herself in 2024, she founded her own coaching practice to deal with the issues that disproportionately affect women. From burnout to being a victim of violence, women are more likely to experience these issues worldwide. Catherine’s work creates conversations, communities and safe spaces for women to share, learn and discover their full potential.
