Everything I Learned About Being a Good Therapist and From Listening to The Grateful Dead
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 7
- 7 min read
For nearly 14 years, I've helped individuals navigate the complex landscape of addiction in order to achieve recovery. Nicknamed "The Casual Counselor", my approach is unconventional but undeniably effective.
I am a tie-dyed-in-the-wool “Deadhead.” There. I said it. Now you know.
It isn’t exactly hard to determine that I’m a Grateful Dead fanatic when you step into my office, as my walls are adorned with photographs of the band, show posters, signed memorabilia, stickers, and the like. The Grateful Dead, in its many incarnations since the mid-60s, have left a storied legacy in the cultural zeitgeist of not just America, but the entire world with respect to popular music. But there’s more to what they created than just tunes & melodies & rhythms & their rabid fandom. Within their legacy, hidden in plain sight, is a roadmap to some of life’s most important lessons and warnings, parables and promises, questions and answers. And, most importantly, wisdom.
Let’s decipher what I’m getting at by interpreting some of their most well-known lyrics: “Without Love in the Dream it’ll Never Come True,” a line written by one of the band’s primary songwriters, Robert Hunter. A fine musician and songsmith in his own rite, Hunter was frontman Jerry Garcia’s collaborative partner in crafting many of the band’s most popular anthems. The aforementioned lyric comes from a song called “Help On The Way,” and it delineates an unalienable truth, one that reminds us that we all have dreams, but that without the action of love, I’m talking love as a verb, a dream will never materialize. It will forever remain hidden away from the possibility of becoming. “Love,” in the action of turning a dream into tangible reality, is the essential ingredient.
“Well, I Ain’t Often Right, But I Ain’t Never Been Wrong, Seldom Turns Out The Way It Does In The Song,” a line from one of the band’s more well-known numbers, “Scarlet Begonias,” reminds us that songs, in the most basic sense, are just fairy-tales. Stories and poems set to music. And that no matter how wonderful the story might be, real life rarely behaves in the way of the fairy-tales that we’ve all been drugged by from a very young age. That good always overcomes evil. That hard work always pays off. That there’s someone out there for everyone. Sorry, but the ol’ “happily ever after” trope is simply not the way that many, or even most, stories conclude. Sometimes we get punished for our good deeds.
“Every Silver Lining’s Got A Touch Of Grey,” from the only song that ever hit the pop-charts, aptly titled “Touch of Grey,” reminds us that it is never all of one and none of the other. Wherever you find success, you’ll also find strife. Wherever you find what seems like perfection, you’ll also find flaws. With every “win” we experience in this life, there is also going to be a series of losses preceding or yet to come. It’s a beautifully simple lesson of the universal truth of duality: you can’t have the “good” without the “bad,” as one wouldn’t exist without the other.
The beautiful, paradoxical nature of this life.
“If You Plant Ice, You’re Gonna Harvest Wind,” from the song “Franklin’s Tower,” is a stark reminder that, in this life, we reap what we sow. Every seed we plant is going to ultimately grow, bud, blossom, and bear fruit. If the seed we plant is one of kindness, we can expect to harvest kindness within. If the seed we plant is one of vengeance, we can expect to harvest the repercussions of “getting even,” often with unpleasant outcomes and lacking healthy resolution. Whatever it is we put into this life, we’re going to receive back in some way, shape, or form.
Whether externally or internally, we must always be aware of what we are putting out into the universe, or putting into our innerverse, because there will always be an effect to our cause.
“Once In A While You Get Shown The Light, In The Strangest Of Places If You Look At It Right.” This lyric actually follows the first one mentioned in this piece, and it’s a valuable testimony about perspective, and the lens through which we see this world, other people, ourselves, anything really. Even in the darkest and most dire of situations, with the right kind of eyes, you will find shining examples of great resilience, hope, community, strength, love, and survival against even the most overwhelming odds and circumstances. That is, if you’re open to the notion of adjusting your lens and seeing whatever’s happening from a different point of view.
Stay flexible and keep that awareness on a swivel!
“The Grass Ain’t Greener, The Wine Ain’t Sweeter, Either Side Of The Hill,” from the song “Ramblin’ Rose,” reminds us that we often have a tendency to convince ourselves that “if only my life was __, everything would be better.” Or, “if only I should’ve, could’ve, would’ve, might’ve (but didn’t) do __ differently, everything would be better.” As much as we can’t predict the future, we can’t predict the past. There’s no hard evidence that making a different decision at a different time would have resulted in a better outcome. Also, beware of making comparisons. Especially these days, in a time when we’re all exposed to so much phony and curated content that depicts what a perfect life so-and-so has, and “if only I had what they did,” everything would be better. Don’t believe everything you see, and definitely don’t believe everything you think!
“Hang It Up And See What Tomorrow Brings,” from “Truckin’,” one of the band’s most beloved rockers, this lyric implores us to live for today. Tomorrow isn’t real. If and when “tomorrow” arrives, it’s just today all over again. Whether we realize it or not, all of us, everyone on this planet, live our lives one day at a time, moment to moment to moment to moment, until the fateful day that our number gets called. And then? Well, that’s life’s great mystery, isn’t it? It’s a mystery we will all get a chance to encounter and discover someday. We don’t need to seek death; it’ll find us when it comes around. But as far as today goes? Do your best, try your hardest, and give yourself a break when the nighttime comes. Hang it up and see what’s coming down the pipeline should you get a chance to wake up and try again.
“That Path Is For Your Steps Alone,” from the beautiful Hunter/Garcia ballad “Ripple,” reminds us that in this life, we are always, truly, empirically alone with ourselves, and within our own, personal journey. It is a message that implores me to challenge myself to be okay with who I am, despite what others might think, see, or believe about me. I need to have a healthy relationship with myself before I can have a healthy relationship with others and with this life in general. If we can learn to be okay with ourselves, we are bound to always find ourselves in good company. Sitting with self. Being where our feet are at. Sounds easy, right? For many, it isn’t, but isn’t it also a part of the path of learning how to live? I think so.
“Let Your Life Proceed By Its Own Design,” from the Bob Weir/John Perry Barlow song “Cassidy,” reminds us that it is always our job, and only our job, to design ourselves and our journey during our short time on this earth. One of my favorite definitions associated with recovery is “living a self-directed life.” Autonomy. Independence. Truly, the best gift we can give to ourselves and to others is the freedom to choose how they (or we) wish to proceed. It is there in which we discover our self-efficacy, self-worth, self-value, and maybe, just maybe, our life’s purpose.
“When Life Looks Like Easy Street, There Is Danger At Your Door,” from the song “Uncle John’s Band,” reminds us to never rest on our laurels and to expect that we’re just going to be able to easily coast through the trials and tribulations that are promised to each and every one of us. Enjoy the times when it all feels easy, fun, and free, and never forget: it’s not gonna stay that way. If you anticipate that life is just going to be a carefree skip through the daisies in perpetuity, well, the universe has a funny way of smacking you upside the head to remind you that you never know what’s coming next. So, be at the ready. Stay on your toes. But also, when the times are good, let the good times roll.
“So The Kids They Dance And Shake Their Bones, And The Politicians Throwing Stones,” from the song “Throwing Stones,” reminds us that, well, ‘nuff said. Dancing and shaking those bones? In my opinion, it’s always the better option. Be wary of those who seek power and influence, and watch out for the stones they throw. Learn to duck!
And, in closing, also from the song “Franklin’s Tower,” one of my all-time favorite lines that Robert Hunter ever penned: “If You Get Confused, Just Listen To The Music Play.” Remember, this life, it’s just a ride. Try not to take it too seriously. Make time for play, make time for fun, make time for silliness, make time for creativity, make time to spend with the people you love, and make time for whatever it is that brings you meaning, purpose, and connection to this life. To that which lights you up inside.
For as The Grateful Dead also remind us, with respect to this existence: “It’s a long, strange trip.”
Indeed, it is.
Read more from Joshua Bennett-Johnson
Joshua Bennett-Johnson, Licensed Addictions Therapist
After working for 7 years in an amazing clinic, I launched into private practice in 2018. I love my job. I can say that without reservation. Watching people rebuild their lives is something that is worth more than any dollar amount.
