7 Signs You’re Having a Midlife Crisis and What to Do About It
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 30
- 6 min read
Updated: Jul 1
Tanishka is an author and speaker who is passionate about helping people navigate their life transitions. She leads retreats for women in midlife. Beloved as ‘The Moon Woman’ for her blog followed by half a million people, she helps people understand how the cycles of nature initiate us to mature, ancient wisdom that’s essential for social sustainability. Her work has been translated into multiple languages.
Like a lot of people, I didn’t know I was having a midlife crisis when it started in my early 40s. Only now, in my mid-50s, do I feel like I’m emerging from the other side. Albeit, stronger, clearer, and more empowered than I was 15 years before this turbulent life phase, known as ‘midlife,’ began. While I can’t go back in time to assist my younger self, I can shed light on and support those walking in my footsteps who, like me, may be under the misconception that a ‘midlife crisis’ only affects those who have not taken ‘the road less traveled’ to find themselves. Below is a checklist to identify if you are currently in the midst of a midlife crisis. As accessing the right support starts with acknowledging, “Houston, there is a problem!”
7 signs you’re having a midlife crisis
1. Intense reflection on life choices
Do you find yourself lying awake in bed at night, questioning past choices related to your career, relationships, and lifestyle and wondering, “Is this all there is?” or “Did I make the right choice?” Perhaps you find it hard to forgive yourself for perceived mistakes that have impacted those closest to you. You’re not alone. This is very common between the ages of 40 and 65 because midlife is the halfway point when we review how far we’ve come and where we’re headed, so we can pivot to adjust our future trajectory if we’re not feeling happy and fulfilled with our present harvest. It’s kind of like the protagonist, Ebenezer Scrooge, in Charles Dickens’ tale A Christmas Carol, who is visited by the ‘ghosts of Christmas past, present, and future’ to review his life choices. Like Scrooge, in midlife, we become aware of time and the ways we’ve been miserly toward ourselves and others as we privately ponder our past, present, and future. Such contemplation takes up a lot of headspace, so it’s not uncommon to crave alone time to hear ourselves think. This tendency can make us more impatient and less available to loved ones. If we understand this, we can convey this context to our loved ones so they are less inclined to take the change in our behavior as a personal rejection.
2. Sudden impulse for major life changes
Have you been feeling a strong urge to make drastic life changes, such as quitting your job, buying a sports car, relocating, or starting an entirely new lifestyle? This is also a hallmark of midlife! In my mid-40s, I moved from my home of many years in a tight-knit forest community where I had raised my daughter to Bali in Indonesia, where I began a new chapter as a digital nomad. In my early 50s, I wrote a rock opera and returned to the stage to perform it after a 27-year hiatus! Why? Midlife is when we become aware of our untapped potential, the gifts we didn’t foster and the paths we didn’t take. There’s often a sense that it’s now or never, so we don’t have any regrets. Our choices in midlife can often be so sudden and unexpected that they surprise us, let alone those around us!
3. Feeling trapped or stuck
Haunted by a sense of being stuck in a routine? Perhaps life is no longer feeling meaningful or fulfilling despite your best efforts? This is another sign that midlife is upon you! Hence, it’s not uncommon to catch yourself fantasizing about exotic travel destinations or new adventures, which can lead to a growing feeling of resentment toward your current responsibilities and obligations. Midlife is a fork in the road that sees people either pondering their exit strategy, burying themselves in distractions, or increasing their wine intake to avoid dealing with the inevitable seeds of discontent that start to take root.
4. Desire to recapture youth
This is the classic trait most associated with our midlife transit. While we may readily recognize it in others, it’s often hardest to detect in ourselves. Have you started acting younger than your age, changing up your hairstyle for something radical, investing in a hip new wardrobe, dating a younger partner, or getting caught up in millennial trends, such as K-pop or TikTok? In my case, I didn’t just ditch my ‘Mum clothes’ for hippie-flowerchild retro threads, which were reminiscent of my age of innocence in the early 1970s. I also applied this visual theme to a speaking tour, which changed the brand of my business. A change that alienated those who had followed my work for years. I was oblivious to the impact of this ‘new look’ until a male friend told me bluntly that he couldn’t share my content, as the branding was so childish no one would take me seriously!
5. Increased focus on physical appearance or aging
Have you started obsessing over wrinkles, fitness, hair loss, or other signs of aging, and trying to counteract them with supplements, home remedies, dietary changes, cosmetic procedures, or new exercise regimes? Midlife is when our body starts to humble our ego by confronting us with the inevitability of time. When this occurs, it’s human behavior to push back. This usually results in us imposing on our aging body the attitude and goals of our younger self’s mindset. It’s understandable in our modern culture, which fears aging and views it as ‘the beginning of the end.’ Add to this the relentless ad campaigns and algorithms that target our fears to turn a profit, and we impulse buy products that claim to appease our fears while scrolling online late at night.
6. Emotional instability or irritability
Just when our kids hit puberty, women in midlife also start experiencing intense hormonal changes that often result in mood swings, depression and increased anxiety. But it’s not just women. Statistics show that both men and women are more at risk of suicide during midlife. A 2022 study published in the Journal of Psychiatric Research found that more than half of all suicides are people in midlife. ₁ In the UK, middle-aged men are more likely to die by suicide than any other age group. ₂ So if you’re prone to unexplained bouts of anger or sadness, in response to a deeper sense of dissatisfaction or disillusionment, know that you’re not alone and you deserve support to navigate the underlying issues.
7. Questioning your identity or purpose
Midlife is essentially an existential crisis when we confront the big questions, such as “Who am I?”, “What’s my purpose?”, and “What’s it all for?” This is because midlife ushers in a showdown between our ego and our soul for dominance, like the archetypal duel between the forces of good and evil that we see enacted at the end of every quest movie. This is deep shamanic inner work that deserves not just recognition, but time and space designated specifically to address this profound inner process, ideally with someone who has been through it and can act as a sherpa to help us navigate the terrain within.
What to do if you recognise yourself in the above checklist
Do not be alarmed if you checked every box in my midlife crisis quiz. Since the word ‘crisis’ means both danger and opportunity, you have a choice: denial or accountability. We are only our own worst enemy and a danger to ourselves if we fail to stop and acknowledge the magnitude of the initiation we are experiencing. With the right support, midlife is a turning point that catalyzes our personal power and legacy. The choice we make at this crossroads is determined by our willingness to prioritize facing our fear of change and the unknown.
Read more from Tanishka The Moon Woman
Tanishka The Moon Woman, Author, Speaker, Retreat Leader
Tanishka is a world-renowned author, speaker, and facilitator who’s passionate about supporting people to transform times of chaos and crisis into empowering turning points. Beloved as ‘The Moon Woman’ for her blog followed by half a million people, she helps people understand how the cycles of nature initiate us to mature, ancient wisdom that’s essential for social sustainability. Her work has been translated into multiple languages.
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