Daria Chernysheva was born in Odessa, Ukraine and moved with her family to Hamburg, Germany when she was 9 years old. After her graduation, Daria became an expert in Online Marketing, Digital Transformation and Business Management. She holds a Bachelor of Arts (B.A.) degree in Economy and Business Psychology from Leuphana University Lüneburg and a Master of Business Administration (MBA) in International Business and Brand Management from London School of Business and Finance (LSBF). Over the course of 15 years of working experience, she worked for different large international IT and Consulting companies in diverse countries, such as Italy and Ireland. Daria knows several European languages. Daria Chernysheva, Chief Executive Officer, Business Owner Introduce yourself! Please tell us about you and your life, so we can get to know you better. I was born in Odessa, Ukraine, which I’m very proud of. When I was 9 years old, my family moved to Hamburg, Germany where I grew up. I really love to travel and visit different countries. This love comes from the time when my grandfather was a captain on large cruise liners. He took me on a cruise for the first time when I was only 8 months old. I was lucky enough to visit so many countries on the Mediterranean Sea. But I have a special love for Italy, its food, language, culture and people. After school, I studied economy and business psychology at Leuphana University in Lüneburg. As an Erasmus student, I went for half a year to study in Italy at Università degli Studi di Roma "Tor Vergata" which I greatly enjoyed. After my graduation as a B.A. in Economy with a focus on Marketing, I started working at Axel Springer SE. This job introduced me to Online Marketing when it was still in “baby shoes”, and this is how I became part of the industry. In 2014 I moved to Dublin, Ireland where I worked for Google, covering the DACH and CIS market. Also, the same year I enrolled for an MBA program in International Business and Brand Management at London School of Business and Finance. Combining distant learning and work was very hard but this is how you develop discipline and determination to achieve your goals. Before founding my own company in 2019, I worked for several international companies and gained extensive experience in digitalization and business management. Professionally, I was ready to start my own business. Plus, I had a strong desire to become an entrepreneur to be independent and have more time for my family. What is your business name and how do you help your clients? The name of my company is Ellenburg Consulting. We provide 360° services in digital marketing, digital transformation, and business management consulting. We support our clients from strategy planning, implementation and monitoring of projects to analysis and solution recommendations in the above-mentioned fields. Also, we expertly assist our clients in expanding their business or brand to new markets in Europe and North America. The company also provides individual workshops for business professionals or for groups. We shape our workshops based on the requests we get from our clients and the topics they are most interested in. How did you come up with the name of your company? I wanted to have an international name that is easy to pronounce in any language and that sounds professional. What kind of audience do you target your business towards? We work with mostly small and medium-sized businesses but also with large companies from different industries. Our company also strongly supports start-ups. What are your current goals for your business? Learn and grow. The world changes by minute and one must keep track of new developments and novelties. At Ellenburg Consulting we are proud to offer interesting and innovative solutions. Currently, the world economy is perilously close to a recession, and our current goals are to optimize our operations and help our clients to overcome this difficult and uncertain economic situation together. What would you like to achieve for yourself and your business in the future? For me, personally, I would like to travel more. During the pandemic I realized that traveling is a very important part of my life which makes me happy and gives me motivation and inspiration. Being your own boss requires a lot of strength, persistence, discipline and resilience. Taking breaks is essential to keep going. If you don’t feel energized, it can have a very negative impact on your business and your relationships with clients. We hope that the state of the economy will change for the better and we will see new innovative businesses flourish. We want to be a part of the driving force in the future. In addition, we take our social responsibilities very seriously. Our company always seeks qualified employees, who can think out of the box. Currently, we’d like to offer support to Ukrainian refugees, freelancers and entrepreneurs to help them find their way back to the labor market. Who inspires you to be the best that you can be? It is my family. They always supported me and encouraged to step out of my comfort zone and be better. My grandfather was an incredibly important person in my life who taught me so much. His death four years ago was emotionally very difficult for me. I wanted him to be proud of me when he was alive, and I do my best to meet the expectations he had of me. Also, I’m my own worst critic. I always analyze my actions and see how I can improve my communication, my relationships with people and so on. The first step to improvement is understanding of your status quo and what needs to be optimized or changed. What is your work inspired by? My work is inspired by achieving great results. I want my clients to succeed. Tell us about your greatest career achievement so far. I think my greatest career achievement was to found my own company and become independent. It feels great to be your own boss, manage your time the way you want and share your own core values with your staff. In general, I believe that success is a series of small victories. You have to take it day by day and overcome obstacles. Small achievements in your life pave the way to great achievements. If you could change one thing about your industry, what would it be and why? When I started to work in digital marketing, in the early days there were no degrees, courses or certificates for this subject. One could only gain expertise through hard work, continuous learning and self-development. Nowadays, digital marketing stands out as a business unit and one can get a degree in digitalization. Many people without sufficient knowledge and experience started offering all kinds of digital marketing services. Sometimes I see their ads with headlines promising miracles, like: “Make 6 figures revenue in 10 days”, “I will help you to get thousands of prospects in one month”, etc. Even though they sound very compelling, most of the offers are pure fraud and are created for clickbait. As a result, we now have huge mistrust in the industry when it comes to digital marketing consulting because many companies had a negative experience in the past. Those who just received a certificate after a three-month online marketing course have no right to call themselves experts because they lack any practical industry experience. I think we need some sort of “Checks and Balances” system to avoid fraudulent business consultants. This could restore customers’ trust in the industry and would lead to greater satisfaction. Trust in business is as important as it is in private relationships. Tell us about a pivotal moment in your life that brought you to where you are today. This pivotal moment in my life was the day when my grandfather passed away four years ago. I couldn’t go to work for a few days because I had to take care of my grandmother and mother. We were all in terrible grief. Also, the police investigated the circumstances of his death because he died in the hospital, two days after a surgery. After the funeral I was back at work. I remember a personal discussion with the CEO of the company I worked for at the time. When I said that my grandfather passed away, his reaction was abhorrent; I couldn’t believe that a person can be so heartless – he just smiled to my face and said nothing. Everyone who has ever lost a loved one knows how painful it is. Then, two days after I returned to work, the CEO informed me that I’m no longer needed at his company. This new blow in less than two weeks after my grandfather’s passing hit me hard. …The last two days before my grandfather died, I was at work as there was an important project and I didn’t want to let the company down. Instead, I could have been in the hospital with my grandfather when he needed me the most. The employer’s “gratitude” was letting me go… Is it reasonable for an employee to expect empathy and support from their management in the event of a personal tragedy? I strongly believe so. I am also convinced that, in the long run, an employee will pay back with their ultimate dedication and best contribution to the company. Unfortunately, nowadays such attitude towards employees is rare in the workplace. When I returned home that day, I said to myself that, from now on, I will never be an employee again. I didn’t want any other employer to hurt my feelings when it was painful enough… I was determined to become independent and never be in such situation again. I promised to myself that I will never treat an employee of mine in such a heartless, cruel way… Also, I realized that, no matter how important your career is, your family should always remain your priority number one. Success is the best revenge to those who want to hurt us and see us fall to our knees. By overcoming personal struggles and challenging situations, you show how strong you are. Rise like a phoenix from the ashes and achieve your best. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Daria!

Written by: Tarah Dove, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. As an entrepreneur, you likely started your business because you wanted the freedom to do things your way. Like most business owners, you have a drive for success but also long for freedom and fulfillment. The first two or three years of business are fun and exciting vision planning, dreaming, and paving your way to what success looks like. You understand what it takes to run a successful, profitable business. However, you may not have been prepared for the challenges of being CEO, human resources, marketing, and sales and juggling your life and family responsibilities on top of it all. We get it. Being female business owners ourselves, we understand there are many challenges, some that our male counterparts do not encounter. Surprisingly, we find that female entrepreneurs are still trying to conduct business the same way men do business. Therefore, you may feel burnt out and at your breaking point. Instead of your business supporting your life, your life revolves around your business. You may not take physical work home, but you take it home emotionally and mentally. What was supposed to create freedom and fulfillment is starting to suck the joy out of you and make you question if it is all worth it. 5 reasons female entrepreneurs hit a breaking point 1. Believing success must equal sacrifice As a business owner, there is always some level of sacrifice, but that doesn’t mean you have to surrender your joy, time, health, or fulfillment to create success. We often find that when female entrepreneurs are at their breaking point, it is because they are sacrificing their own needs and desires striving for success. They try to keep up with the way men do things and get stuck in the checkboxes of making sure employees are happy, key performance indicators are being met quarterly, customers are satisfied, bills are being paid, family is taken care of…the list goes on. They think that taking time for themselves means sacrificing the business or their family when the exact opposite is true. They think once they get the success they desire, then they can take care of themselves, go on vacation, leave work at work, etc. It is simply not true. As natural servant leaders, women are more likely to sacrifice their own mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual needs to ensure others are happy, which leads to a lack of boundaries. Having this mindset is why most business owners experience burnout at some point in their entrepreneurial journey. Your business should be supporting your life right from the beginning, not taking away from it. 2. Keeping business and life as separate entities Keeping business and life as separate entities is the second reason we see female business owners hit their breaking point. One of our clients summed it up well, “I have a business coach and I have a therapist, but I need someone who can help me merge the gap between business and life.” Women are naturally servant leaders and therefore are more likely to sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of others. Women are not only the CEOs at work but usually at home as well. Female business owners typically take on more home and family responsibilities than men. They arrange kids' activities, family vacations, meals, house chores, etc. Men typically do one or the other (i.e., run the business or manage the house). Business coaches teach strategy and tactics for growing the business but do not address how it fits with life and fulfillment. Life coaches give strategies and tactics to help improve overall life and fulfillment but do not know how to make that fit with business goals. Therapists help with baggage and life challenges but are not able to give tools for business. Human Resources agencies can help with employees but are not able to help with any of the above. At Success Without Sacrifice, LLC we teach you how to bring it all together using our proprietary RAMP Method. 3. Using old-school business methods created by men for men Men tend to be more logical, whereas women are more emotional. Where men can compartmentalize easier and leave work at work, women take it with them. Men are more likely to take physical work home, whereas women take it home emotionally, mentally, and physically in their bodies. Women are more likely to take on the emotions of their employees, spouse, kids, etc., leaving them feeling drained and unable to take care of themselves well. The physiological makeup of women is very different from men, which affects everything when it comes to running a business. Where men are on a 24-hour cycle, women are on a 28-day cycle. You may wonder what this has to do with business, and the answer is ‒ everything! Burnout for women happens when they expect themselves to function the same every single day and function the same as men. Women get frustrated with themselves when they cannot keep up or they sacrifice their health to keep up. Women were not designed to be in peak performance 24/7, 365 days a year. A woman’s cycle is made up of 4 phases (i.e., fall, winter, spring, summer) and each phase will affect creativity, motivation, stress levels, emotions, nutrition needs, physical needs, self-care needs, etc. If you are a female, you may find yourself wondering why you have a few days where you feel like you can conquer the world and handle anything thrown at you and then turn around a few days later, questioning why you are annoyed with your employees, fighting with your husband, and criticizing your kids. There are phases of your cycle where you will require more rest and internal time to yourself and others where you are more extroverted and can function on very little rest. If you are ignoring these needs, it makes sense you are at your breaking point. 4. Not creating intentional rest periods for yourself and your business Entrepreneurial burnout is very common but can be avoided with this one shift. Create more rest! As a high achiever, it feels counterintuitive to rest, but this one shift will improve team dynamics. When you are expecting yourself and your team to not only perform, but outperform every quarter, it gets exhausting. When people are exhausted, fulfillment, happiness, and performance go down and team conflict goes up. When this happens, it creates more work, stress, and exhaustion for the business owner. Just like sports teams have on and off seasons to avoid injury, burnout and achieve peak performance, so should your business. When an athlete is training for the Olympic games, their entire year is designed to help them hit mental, emotional, and physical peak performance during their competitions. Within that year, is intentional daily, weekly, monthly, and quarterly rest. Rest is more than sleep and vacation. Rest can be active and does not always mean doing nothing. To learn how you can create more rest while improving performance for yourself and your agency, check out the RAMP Method below. 5. Lacking boundaries and leadership skills Dealing with employees and team members is the number one stressor we hear from female business owners. Many women who start businesses lack the tools and resources for managing and motivating team members and employees. You know you have to hire other people to grow, but nobody taught you how to manage the stress, personalities, and complications that employees can bring. Given that women are naturally more emotional, the lines can get blurred when dealing with employee personalities. Being a female business owner on top of having female employees adds a whole other layer of emotions, moods, and motivators to the mix. Men are more likely to put their heads down and get their work done, even if it comes with complaining. Women, on the other hand, are affected by life stress, past experiences, and hormones which can negatively impact how they interact, perform and function at work. Currently, there are very few resources out there for managing these types of team dynamics. That’s why we offer support not only to female entrepreneurs, but also to their entire teams. If you find yourself at a breaking point, there are likely multiple factors contributing to your lack of fulfillment and joy. To identify the top 3 contributing factors to your breaking point, email info@successwithoutsacrificecoaching.com to request our 15-minute T.E.A.M Assessment. Shifts you can make to get back Change your belief that you must sacrifice yourself now for future success. Create boundaries around your values and priorities, so your business can support your life. Work with your female physiology instead of against it. Create a one-year plan for your agency that accounts for rest and peak performance. Find resources that can help between life, business & employee relationships. The RAMP Method The RAMP Method is a proprietary system created by the co-owner of Success Without Sacrifice, LLC, Cheree Sauer. Cheree saw a gap in the marketplace for female business owners. After working with high-performing athletes for 14 years, Cheree became an entrepreneur and experienced burnout. She recognized a need to help female business owners merge the gap between business and life. She brought her knowledge of business, sports psychology, sports training, and team performance into the entrepreneurial world to help female business owners continue their success without sacrificing themselves. Your body, especially as a female, was not designed to be in peak performance 24/7, 365 days per year. Just like pro-sports teams have training plans designed to avoid burnout, injury and achieve peak performance, the RAMP Method gives agencies a roadmap to structure their day, week, month, and year to fully optimize specific physiologies, so they can be in peak performance at the right time, instead of all the time. The RAMP method reduces burnout and improves team performance and fulfillment. Rest - Includes active rest includes active rest, meaning work is still being done but not at the same intensity as in the peak phase. It is fun work. You have intentional boundaries. Family and friends are your biggest priorities. Align - Aligned with your values This is where you evaluate, assess, and get your habits and boundaries aligned with your values & priorities. This is your planning and prep phase to create a solid foundation before moving into the next 2 phases. Master - Master your mindset This is where you will master your mindset and calendar so you can start to ramp up your activity. This is the start of your busy season. Think of this as the pre-launch phase. In this phase, your priority is starting to become more business focused and other priorities will intentionally be removed from your calendar. Peak - The growth phase This is your busiest season of the year. For example, if you are a speaker, this would be your travel season. For certain businesses, there may be more than one busy season. Or if you launch, this would be your launch phase. This is the growth phase for your business, so your business will be your 1 priority. Your friends, family, and other priorities might take more of a back seat, but you will still maintain a good balance. There is no one size fits all, which is why the team at Success Without Sacrifice, LLC works with you in a 1:1 capacity to help you create your own RAMP Method Roadmap that is specific to your business and life goals. Follow me on Facebook, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Tarah! Tarah Dove, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Tarah Dove is Co-Owner of Success Without Sacrifice, LLC with Business Partner Cheree Sauer. As CMO/Marketing Success Coach, Tarah brings over 15 years of Marketing experience to the Partnership. Using the proprietary system, The RAMP Method, created by Co-Owner Cheree, the duo works with Entrepreneurs to merge the gap between business and life. Their mission and The RAMP Method of coaching help reduce burnout and improve team performance and fulfillment for female Insurance Agency Owners.

Written by: Betsy White , Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Something I learned years ago that has profoundly impacted my life is the difference between caretaking and caregiving. As I have been able to apply this idea, it has both freed and empowered me. Now I use this to help others the same way. I believe it can shift family dynamics and help create healthier, happier places for kids to grow up. I invite you to read and reflect on your role as a parent. If you don’t have children, I think there are many relationships in our lives where we can free ourselves and others by learning this! The best way to describe the difference between caretaking and caregiving is to quote Dr. Margaret Paul, the woman who taught me this powerful information. Here is her distinction: “Caretaking is doing something for others with an outcome in mind ‒ they will love you, approve of you, give you attention, give you money, and so on. It is giving to get something back, as opposed to giving for the joy of giving. Caretaking always has an agenda attached, as opposed to caregiving and true giving. Caregiving is taking care of someone who cannot take care of themselves, such as a child or an old or sick person whom you have agreed to take care of. True giving is giving from the heart with no expectation of getting anything back. It’s giving purely from love.” The hardest part of this is that most of us never learned the difference between what I refer to as our true selves and our ego. Therefore, based on what was modeled for us by our parents, we are often giving from our ego. Which then gets passed from generation to generation. Our ego tends to be manipulative, while our true self has no expectations. Our ego believes people owe us if we have done something for them. This is a type of covert control. I do this, so you do that. This could be doing a favor, offering a compliment, giving someone our time and attention, or gifts. In each of these examples, giving is done with the expectation that the other person should respond in a certain way. Think about your experiences as a child with your own parents or as a parent now with your child. How often is there an expectation of what a child should do based on something you did for them? A lot, correct? I hear these types of examples quite often. “I give you a roof over your head, and you treat me that way?” “After everything you got for Christmas, you still don’t think you should do your schoolwork?” “I cleaned your room for you; the least you could do is thank me.” “I drive you from place to place and give up my time, but you can’t even put your phone down and talk to me.” The underlying belief is that if a parent does everything they should for their child (or everything my parent did or did NOT do for me), then my child will make “good” choices. Then I feel like I raised a good kid, which makes me feel worthy. Some parents even feel more loved when their child behaves in ways they expect them to. Many parents feel approval in their peer circles when their child makes “good” choices. This is a cycle of codependency, though. Kids learn it quickly. And this often leads to many imbalances in family relationships. Remember Dr. Margaret Paul refers to caregiving as taking care of someone who can not do this for themselves, like children. So in families, we want to have more acts of caregiving than caretaking. If we want to learn and shift these patterns, we have to be able to look at how we are showing up, without judging ourselves! Self-judgment shuts us down instead of being able to stay open to learning. When we can observe without judgment, we can then make changes and transform our actions and relationships! Here are a few ideas of ways we may be caretaking instead of caregiving: Making our kids’ (friend’s or partner’s) needs and feelings more important than my own Giving in when I don’t really want to People pleasing Giving gifts with strings attached Not saying what I really think or feel Second-guessing myself and thinking I know what others need Being overly nice As parents, every day there are many ways you provide for your child’s health, safety, and well-being. When done by your true self, you give for the pleasure it gives you to provide for your child. There is no expectation of how they should respond. When giving from your heart, you don't leave an I owe you that must be repaid by your child. Love does not have an agenda. If you are open to learning more about parenting from your true self and ways to shift out of caretaking, please reach out to me. I’d love to work with you and your family to learn healthier ways to share love. I believe when kids do not feel the expectations of what they are supposed to do, they have the freedom to be who they were born to be! This is the journey I am most passionate about supporting kids and parents with! Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Betsy! Betsy White, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Betsy White is a Certified Holistic Life Coach and speaker supporting kids, parents and teachers to be empowered, confident and connected. Having navigated childhood trauma, low self-esteem, numerous health issues, and dysfunctional systems at home and school, Betsy has dedicated her life to supporting kids, and the adults in their lives, navigating stress, anxiety, overwhelm and lack of purpose. She draws on her expertise in psychology, human development, education, mindfulness and spirituality while using her extensive and diverse experience to guide clients to own their value, speak their truth, live their unique purpose, heal relational dynamics and create inner peace and resilience. In an ever-changing, technology and social media-focused world, she empowers people to turn inward to their true source of wisdom. Betsy is the founder of The Life Coach 4 Kids, offering intensive family, parent and teacher programs, presentations and group experiences. People are transformed through the connection, love, intuitive insights, experience and soul journey Betsy guides them to take.

Written by: Dr. Phillip Hearn, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Seller Financing is an attractive option for buyers looking to finance their purchase without the use of traditional lenders. This type of financing provides more flexibility, allowing sellers and buyers to come up with mutually beneficial terms that work best for them. Seller financing is a straightforward and beneficial loan agreement between buyer and seller. Rather than going through an intermediary, the parties address their finances directly using what's referred to in real estate as "owner financing" or “bond-for-title” ‒ thus simplifying the process for both involved. Reduced marketing In a slower real estate market, rather than reduce the price of the property to attract buyers, agents may consider offering financing instead. Buyers can potentially pay full price for properties and enjoy benefits such as avoiding expensive loan fees or spending points on origination costs. Increased inventory With owner financing, the seller enjoys a greater potential for sale due to an expanded inventory of purchasers. Currently in America, 40% of buyers can't obtain bank loans ‒ increasing the likelihood that they would consider more flexible terms from a private lender/seller. This is evident through increased interest after listing "Owner Will Finance" or "Easy Terms". Reduced closing times When you offer owner financing, the time to close a transaction is shortened significantly. As compared to conventional lenders who can take up to 6-8 weeks for closing procedures, using a reputable title company and seller finance will allow buyers and sellers alike to complete contracts in as little as 2-3 weeks. This timeline benefit comes with less paperwork ‒ perfect when speed matters most. Strategy for hard to finance properties Investing in hard-to-finance properties can be a great way of increasing returns, as these properties often require a lower initial cash outlay. Investors capitalize on this by purchasing the property at a reduced wholesale price and then selling for more with easier financing terms in place. This strategy is beneficial for any kind of complex real estate such as mixed use structures, land or mobile homes, non-conforming buildings or other low-value assets. Interest income Investing in real estate has the potential to build wealth and generate interest income over time. With owner financing, sellers can earn additional revenue ‒ beyond the sale price of their property ‒ without giving up ownership rights. For example, a $100,000 mortgage with a 9 percent APR paid back monthly will produce an extra $189k+ (over 30 years) in addition to what was initially loaned out. Bottom line Seller financing can be an attractive option for buyers and sellers, but consulting a professional to ensure the legal transaction is properly recorded is critical. Financial Center offers free consultations and is an excellent source to grow your business model. Additionally, discussing terms with note investors provides valuable insight into structuring techniques that will maximize pricing should you decide to convert payments into cash by assigning your note or contract. Follow me on LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Dr. Philip! Dr. Phillip Hearn, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Dr. Phillip Hearn is a master in entrepreneurship, real estate investing, and motivational inspiration. Despite setbacks from a problematic childhood, Hearn learned the value of investing in himself and capitalizing on his strengths. He has since specialized in helping others discover their full potential, personally and professionally. He founded Mid American Capital Holdings, LLC, an acquisition focused company. Current subsidiaries include Phillip Speaks, specializing in public speaking and coaching; Financial Center, operating as a capital broker to help businesses grow their operations, and other subsidiaries which continues to expand. His mission: to collaborate as a problem solver to today’s challenges.

Written by: Deborah McPhilemy, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Everyone seems to be talking about the importance of Self-Empowerment these days, which I myself am a very big advocate for. I believe that everyone should be empowered with the knowledge and skills to be able to be in charge of their own lives and destiny. What is even more exciting to me than being Self-Empowered, is when you have incredible Personal Power. And, when you combine the two, you become a powerhouse who’s in charge of their own life, someone who can effortlessly direct their path, fast track their goals and magically manifest their dreams. Your Personal Power is All About Your Energy Having incredible Personal Power comes down to one thing – energy! Your energy! Energy can be defined as the fuel that your body uses to do things; ‒ to move, eat, work, exercise, think, have sex, have fun, etc. But just having energy does not give you power. What gives you power is having the ability to take charge of yourself and your life without being blown off course by your feelings, urges and circumstances. When you can stand steady in the wake of any storm and not let it affect you, and still forge forward with your life, your plans, your intentions and your goals without throwing everything overboard, this is true personal power. Emotional Intelligence is key to owning Your Personal Power Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you need to become an emotionless, numb bot that feels nothing! What I am saying is, that when you allow your emotions to be in charge of you, to let them throw you into a deep depression, to make you give up, quit or lie around all day blaming the government and everyone else and his dog for what is going on in your life, then you are rendering yourself completely powerless! Emotions are Energy Too When it comes to emotions, I’m a big fan! Emotions are energy! Emotions are incredibly unbelievably powerful, but only if you understand them and use them to your advantage! To me, my emotions are my personalised GPS system, my very own unique language that tells me when I’m off course with my life or whether I’m unsafe in a place, or with a person. But… when you don’t understand your emotions or don’t speak their language, they have the power to literally bring you to your knees, to steal your joy, your goals and your dreams! So how do you ‘get’ incredible Personal Power? The answer is actually quite simple, by being yourself. Being You Unlocks Your Personal Power So many of us don’t really know who we are as we’ve all been moulded, programmed and influenced by the people who raised us, the education system, the people we hang around with and the community at large. It’s only when we take that first step to becoming self-aware and start questioning our thoughts, actions and behaviours, that we realise we may not be who we think we always were, who everyone else thought we were. Discovering who you really are and getting rid of all the bits of you that you don’t like while revealing the bits of you you do like is when you start stepping into your Personal Power. The more comfortable you get with who you are, embracing every aspect, nook and cranny that makes up the unique individual you are, is when you become personally powerful. And nothing is more magnificent, attractive or magnetic than someone who knows, likes and loves who they are! Deborah McPhilemy, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Deborah McPhilemy is the Founder of Selfie School, a Self-Empowerment Academy that empowers and educates women and children holistically, so they can become completely comfortable being themselves. After coming from a disempowered background of being bullied and abused, she completely ‘lost’ herself. After spending years healing and rediscovering who she was, she returned to being herself and her life was transformed beyond recognition. She now spends her life helping others to do the same, as well as helping them in a preventative context.

Written by: Kristi Peck, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. What do a car crashing, a glass boat, and a green dragon tickling me have in common? These have ALL been images that came to me through my personal dreams. Just the other day a client was sharing her dream about a dog and an eagle in conversation, stars spinning and something biting her arm creating an ulcer. All dreams are filled with associations released from the library within the unconscious mind so that you – the dreamer – can fulfill a holographic experience. We are all experiencing the wholeness of our souls. Just like dreams offering us snippets of scenes like a play on a stage, your everyday life actually follows that same lead. We are living in a hologram of consciousness. In our everyday life, we experience every person and interaction as if it is a real one. The hologram – the symbolism of what you perceive – is meant to do that for us. Our soul has chosen this earthly experience to have the real experience of emotions, feelings, understanding, thoughts, etc. The phrase, “You are exactly where you are meant to be.” Supports the holographic experience of this lifetime of consciousness for your soul. I bet this sounds a bit heavy-duty. I completely get it. Let’s think of it another way. Would you like to bring your dreams to life? I am not speaking to those wishes and goals you desire to achieve. I am speaking to the pulse that lives within the very heartbeat of the nightly dream world. It is an adventure all on its own. There is magic that comes with the experience of bringing what we dream about into our everyday life experiences. There are 3 ways to bring dreams to life: Let Go Dreams are made up of symbolism, the dynamics of myths, and metaphors. Even though they seem real because the characters are people you know, things you recognize, and even feel like real moments and conversations, they are not. The first way to bring that dream into your life is to let go of what you think and believe about the dream itself. Everything has a symbolic essence to it and holds significant value as a representation of you. Ask questions like, “Who is here? What do you need? What do you want me to know? What am I not seeing? What does this mean for me?” Let go and allow the response, the wisdom, and the insight to be revealed to you. It will be shown to you. This is a powerful guidance tool for your personal life journey and especially during moments of transition and transformation. Be Adventurous There is not only one meaning to each dream. Imagine you are playing craps at a casino, rolling all the different options as to the multiple meanings the dream holds. Leap into creativity and get very colorful about all the possibilities, even the funny, hilarious, far-reaching meanings. Include them. Connect From all the interpretations you allowed from the dream, what resonates? This is the part where you align with your external everyday life experiences and see what makes sense. Your brain has the strength in making sense of and contemplating evidence for reasoning, so use its foundational mechanism to interpret what the dream means for you in the very moment of your life. This is how we use our dreams as a personal GPS. Please do not get frustrated if interpretations do not flow in immediately. We have not been conditioned to use our intuition or instinct in this way. We, as a human species, have been programmed to look externally for interpretation. This very inverted method requires faith in the faculties of your own existence. Dreamwork is an existential association from dream life to waking life. Check out my dream group coaching program at www.kristipeck.com for deeper meaning with your dreams. Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Kristi! Kristi Peck, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Kristi Peck creates a legacy of love. As an Intuitive Life Coach, a Spiritual Mentor, and an author, she works with adult children to heal the ancestral shadow and liberate the lineage of dysfunction. From conflict to connection, Kristi helps estranged daughters find a higher purpose and establish a new partnership paradigm in the family system. Kristi has been trained as a Master Life Coach in Jungian Psychology, Eastern Philosophy, and Social Neuroscience, as well as mediumship, energy, and channeling of the angelic realm. She has additional certification as a Jungian Relationship and Dreamwork Specialist through the ICF Accredited Creative Mind University. For over 30 years as an educator and coach, Kristi has helped people reclaim their sense of self and the power to make purpose-impacted choices. Kristi believes we are whole and our greatest superpower is believing in our own agency of strength and courage. She loves sharing stories that captivate and inspire people to take adventurous leaps of faith beyond old conditions and outdated influences. Kristi is the author of Coming Home – A Love Story, and the podcast host of Living the Liminal: Braving the Edge. She has a wealth of transformational life experiences and her warmth and vulnerability have been described as a “soft-toughness”. Kristi is fierce in her compassion to learn, opens her heart to courageous choice-making, and deeply understands the human dynamic. Her passion for living life consciously is a game-changer.

Written by: Jennie Persson, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. Most people know the power of getting in front of their ideal customers, sharing interesting and valuable content, and thus building their brand online. Being visible on social platforms is standard these days. Many people also realize that you need to do it continuously. It isn't enough to post content just a couple of times per week since you are in this social game for the long term. But the gap between valuable content to attracting leads can be huge. Not to mention selling. Many clients come to me with one question: "Why isn't anyone buying from me?" They post strategically every day, but sales fail. For those of you who are struggling, here are 5 essential tips. How to go from delivering value to creating demand. 1. Replace the word Information with Transformation. Information is one-way communication. You tell us something, and we listen. That plot ends there. On the other hand, a transformation involves a movement from one mode to another. It can still be you telling us something, but the difference is adding one more step; an action and a shift. Your content makes us feel or do something, and a connection is made. 2. Create a safe space through your personal brand. You need to become the person your customer needs right now. The person who visualizes trust and with whom the follower resonates well. We need to know that you are still on the platform, even after six months, and we need to know that what you talk about today will also be your focus then. We need to recognize you in the feed and know that you keep our invisible agreement between followers and the brand. 3. Create a community instead of gathering followers. Having many followers may look good, but it doesn't automatically generate sales. Instead, focus on building relationships with the right followers, listening to what they say, and creating strong bonds with them. Help them progress from follower to community to dream client and then to ambassador of your brand. 4. Be yourself, but braver. If you want to stand out from the rest, you must do what others won't do. Us humans tend to do things like everyone else, even if we know and say the opposite. On social media and as an entrepreneur, this is crucial. What are your colleagues doing in your industry? How about going the extra mile and doing it a little more or differently? Do you need to show up more in the feed? Do you need to go Live every week? What do you need to do to stand out from the rest? Being an entrepreneur, especially on social media, is not for the faint of heart. But it is perfect for you. 5. Tell us about your journey. There is one word that carries weight in all storytelling and branding: Vulnerability. We want to reason with your decisions, setbacks, and solutions. And to do that, we need to see you vulnerable. Your journey from point A to point B wasn't exactly straight, and it presumably had ups and downs, but you got through it. And that is irresistible to your followers; How did you do that? How did it feel, and what were you thinking? Your journey is storytelling at its best. Use that power in your messages. Try some of these ideas in your content, and feel free to tag me if you want. Best of luck! Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Jennie! Jennie Persson, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Jennie Persson is an Instagram expert, business educator and a cheerleader for your business, based in Stockholm, Sweden. She’s passionate about helping entrepreneurs in building the business of their dreams by learning how to brand their business online.

Written by: Amelia Mathee, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. We've all been there, it's like the gift that keeps on giving. You make the decision to leave and the next moment, you find yourself wrapped up in the same drama- and it's like a broken record...it just goes on in the same manner it always did. You can't seem to escape this madness, and you are drawn to the same chaos. If you are reading this and can relate, chances are good that you are in a toxic relationship and you seem to be stuck. I am here today to tell you there is hope, and there is freedom if you step outside this situation and see it for what it is. There is a scientific explanation as to why we seem to stay in these relationships and fail to move on, even if it's killing us. Toxic relationships tend to feel addictive The highs are high, the lows are low and we are sitting on the fence somewhere between desire and rejection. When dopamine is released in the brain and that reward circuit of the brain is triggered, your brain fires a message letting you know that this is an experience you have to have. This is called the dopamine reward circuit and not only occurs in toxic relationships but also in drug addiction. At first, this is a normal cycle of wanting, craving and validation but as the relationship continues, we crave more and need more validation to get the same high ‒ just like in drug use. In toxic relationships – we will also feel withdrawal. The unpredictable nature of the relationship, feeling disconnected, and ignoring red flags are all signs that the relationship is unraveling and just like drug addiction, you will do whatever you need to do to get the next high, the next validation, the next ‒ I Love you. Until we are pushed away again just to feel the rejection... and so the cycle will continue. There is only one way to step out of this abusive cycle and that is to go the other way. That ultimately means- you will need to make a 180-degree turn in your thinking pattern. I'll walk you through it. Build a support network Breakups are hard, and that's why they are called breakups- It's broken. You will go through every single emotion, but you need to know that it's normal. You will feel sad, depressed, conflicted, angry and the list goes on. Who are those friends or relatives you can call at 2 am if needed? Make sure that they know what you are going through and lean on them. Stay firm with your decision to leave This was probably not a decision you made overnight, so here you need to be strong and have the end in mind. There will be times when you will find yourself missing this person, and it's here I want you to remind yourself why you came to this decision in the first place. Make a list and keep it close I'll challenge you to make a list of everything this person has done to you in your time together. Keep it close to you and when you feel vulnerable and conflicted... take the list out and read it. This way, you start making sense of the situation and will be better equipped in handling it when this person 'pops' into your mind. For example: made me depressed gave me anxiety stole my joy made me feel like I was walking on eggshells every day Important rule: No Contact It's crucial to cut all contact with your ex, as it will only open the door to getting together again. Toxic people are manipulative at their core and will use any tool to get you back. Don't follow them on social media, don't reply to their texts, just stop. This will send a clear understanding that you are done and you won't be lured into the drama. One thing I have seen over years as a CBT practitioner is that you will never get closure from a toxic person. You just need to accept this as truth and know that it's not your burden anymore. There seems to be a big black hole in the middle of our existence as humans, and we can try to fill it with anything from this world. It just does not work. This hole is painful and it bothers us, but know that the Creator is standing inside that deep dark hole, holding us together when we can not cope with life. Amelia Mathee, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Amelia Mathee has dealt with thousands of people thirsting for answers. Her counseling approach incorporates both her knowledge in the fields of psychology and neuroscience as well as her biblical understanding. Even though you may be wired one way, you can begin the journey to rewire your brain and find that oasis after all. Science proves that over 80% of sickness and disease starts in the brain, and by neuroplasticity we are able to not only change our thinking, but also our physical health. Amelia has been able to help many people that could not be helped by any other form of medical intervention. If you are lost in your desert, she might just be the one to show you where your oasis is.

Written by: David Campbell, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. I want you to think about potential versus performance. There Is a saying that the quality of your current results is directly related to the quality of your current thinking. I was inspired when I first read this quote: ‘2% of people think, 3% of people think they think and 95% of people would rather die than think.’ George Bernard Shaw It is so true for our third key. Focus on potential not performance. Are you in the 2% that focus on potential? Performance is a review of history. For a long time, I’ve been really mulling this over ‒ potential versus performance. We do a review of our business performance every month, every quarter, every six months, every year. We look at Business Activity Statements; we look at tax returns, cash flow and more. All this is about performance. And the interesting thing about performance is, you can only see it by looking backwards. As you run your business, it’s interesting to think about it from the point of view of a sailing ship. From the perspective of a ship, to look at performance is to always watch the wake. You can never properly see what’s ahead. You can’t plan for what’s coming next. What is your business doing as you move forward? The way you move forward in your business, just as with the ship, depends on the way you view performance and potential. As you may choose a particular passage, your business will leave a wake behind. You will easily see the path you have taken. In looking back, you can easily see where you’ve been. It can be either a wake-up call – you’ve been all over the place with your journey, or it can be of great assurance – a really constructive confirmation of your successful manoeuvring forwards. So, focus that is totally absorbed in the performance can affect the potential direction and progress. Equally, a total focus on potential ignores the reality of the performance. As a mariner or a business owner, understand the difference between potential and performance. Follow me on Facebook, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from David! David Campbell, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine David is an exceptionally experienced executive coach. He is an exceptional public speaker who challenges the way organisations and individuals think in relation to business and life. has led reform within a number of organisations and brings a unique understanding of the pressures in both the public and private sectors. He understands the changing requirements and time frames within the business environment and has considerable experience in leading, managing and coaching geographically dispersed (remote) teams. David brings a new insight into the way we think into our success in business to realise exceptional results.

Written by: Alec Jiggins, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. I grew up in the UK in the 70s and 80s. Toxic masculinity ruled. Male role models such as actors and sports personalities didn’t show emotions (remember, it’s Britain – all stiff upper lip and no high fives). Popular television shows such as The Benny Hill Show had middle-aged men chasing younger women around, slapping their behinds, peering down their cleavage; the best-selling daily tabloid newspapers featured topless women on page 3! I should know – my father brought it home with him every night, as did over 5 million other people. It was inescapable, it permeated every aspect of my childhood. Growing up surrounded by emotionally insecure and immature men, including my father, reinforced toxic masculinity with phrases such as “man up” when I cried. I remember being physically bullied at school by three older boys, and when I reported it to the deputy headteacher in charge of discipline, he told me to go back and hit them. Such role models had a significant impact on my relationships with male figures in positions of authority, such as my teachers at school. A blend of respect and fear kept my behaviour in check. I didn’t spot this pattern in my professional life until it led to conflict with my male bosses, time and time again. So, what was it? Growing up in this environment, where I couldn’t express my emotions to any male role model, constantly being told to “man up”, affected my ability to trust and communicate effectively with male supervisors. I started working in London as a journalist when I was 18 – talk about a target-rich environment for toxic masculinity stereotypes. It was either play along or get left behind. I tried to become someone I am not, to fit in, but it ground me down. Aged 21, I started counselling. My counsellor, Mike, was the first man that I could speak to about my feelings – and he had to wait several months listening to banal banter before I could even do that. I am so grateful for his patience. My father, while not neglectful or abusive, who loves me dearly (and I him), struggled with expressing his emotions and being responsive to my attempts to communicate mine. This created an environment in which I often felt unsupported and unsure of how to navigate conflicts or problems. As a result, I developed a tendency to avoid confrontation and struggle to assert myself in situations where I felt unsupported. Combine that with the respect/fear of authority figures, and I became emotionally isolated. These patterns carried over into my professional life, where I found myself struggling to form healthy relationships with male bosses. My first editor reminded me of my dad, as did the second, the third… I would look for similarities they shared, and that was it. Looking back, it is surprising that my career flourished. I got promoted, one boss even nominated me for an award. But, despite their evident support and belief in my abilities (and that includes my dad), I would slowly sabotage the relationship and my career. After a whirlwind of 6 years as a journalist, I was the features editor on my favourite magazine (one I still buy today). But the clock on my emotional time bomb was fast approaching 0 and, predictably, I went “boom”. I quit. I felt driven to change careers. I chose to become a teacher, so that I could become a role model and inspiration for others. In my new career, I rose rapidly. Promoted in my first year to middle leadership, in my fifth year to senior level, and after 10 years to the executive level. But, all the way, my relationships with male bosses were difficult. I would find myself holding back from sharing my thoughts and ideas, and I was quick to second-guess myself in situations where I feel unsupported. My childhood experiences of toxic masculinity made it difficult for me to trust male authority figures. I was wary of their intentions and struggled to believe that they had my best interests at heart. This made it difficult to build strong working relationships. One boss, who is still a mentor to this day, recommended I hire a coach. The first month of working together with Mario was transformational, like having a blindfold removed and seeing myself clearly for the first time. The effects of growing up and feeling that you cannot express your feelings can become deep-rooted and wired into your behaviours, making them challenging to overcome. It is important to recognize the impact they have on our relationships and to actively work on building trust and effective communication. Aside from coaching, there are several strategies that can help. Self-reflection: Reflecting on your childhood experiences and how they may be impacting your current relationships can be an important step in understanding and overcoming the problems associated with growing up with an emotionally immature father. Journaling or talking with a trusted friend or family member can be helpful in this process. Developing trust: Building trust in male authority figures can be difficult if you grew up with an emotionally immature father, but it is important for career progression. Actively seek out positive role models, build relationships with co-workers, and learn to communicate effectively with supervisors. Assertiveness training: Assertiveness training can help you learn how to communicate effectively, set boundaries, and advocate for yourself in the workplace. This can be done through workshops, classes, or individual coaching. I help my clients with this. Mindfulness: Mindfulness techniques such as meditation, yoga, or journaling can help you develop emotional regulation, focus and perspective. My practice was transformed after a 10-day silent meditation retreat – it was harder than I expected, but totally worth it. In conclusion, it is important to recognize the impact of your childhood experiences on your adult relationships and to actively work on building trust and effective communication. Call me if you’d like help with that. Connect with me on LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube, Instagram, and visit my website. Read more from Alec! Alec Jiggins, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Alec Jiggins is an award-winning executive and leadership coach, a global associate with Marshall Goldsmith Stakeholder Centred Coaching and the Global Coach Group. Alec's mission is to change the world, one leader at a time. His motto is "Love, Live, Lead" and he works with executives on leading authentically, confidently, from the heart. Alec has lived and worked in 7 countries and three continents in a range of industries and roles, taking one startup to $6 million in turnover and breakeven within 18 months.

Written by: Oddný Edwards, Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. In business, we always refer to worth, net profit, sales price, return on investment, and so the list goes on. A business would not thrive without these terms and mindset. Trust me, I have learnt that the hard way. I would conjure up recipes and ideas because I knew they were delicious but then for them to sell I couldn’t charge what I needed! I learnt the hard way and still learn now about the constant battle in business – passion vs. money. However, saying that, lately I have been looking at worth in a whole new light. It occurred to me the other day that the same as in business as in life we are all far richer than we realise. Every lesson, every new project, and every new battle in the workplace or out of it is an opportunity to learn. To grow. It gives us the opportunity to connect with friends and family. Ask for advice, bounce off ideas and where possible learn to say no when not within our remit. I was diagnosed with ADHD in my mid 30’s and I hated it for years. I tried everything but acceptance, but the moment I owned it and learnt the good, the bad, the ugly and the pretty I got a lot calmer and better at asking for advice. When you work in an office with ADHD you can feel very isolated as you physically don’t have the ability to sit still and focus on the screen or topic for 8-10 hours! Meetings are a genuine battle zone of confinement. Hence, they say that most creative people have ADHD. As creativity means movement, something constantly moving, whether it be physical or in the brain. In my past life I would over exercise or over a drink after work to knacker myself. I would sit and panic about not being the same. About the urge that was in my body to talk or move! I would go home and beat myself up some chronic. For being weird! Now I tell people straight up and then create my own random place of space where I can get creative – swivel my chair, walk for 5min, and then return producing 2 hours of work in 30min. Anyone that shares ADHD will know exactly what I mean. Before I felt so much shame. The comments never really stop about how different you are, how weird you are, on edge etc, and that is what they teach you in CB Therapy is how to deal with the comments as we are different, but it dawned on me the other day that all conditions, all personalities and all experiences are worth a lot more than we give them credit for. In both my jobs I am surrounded by people with different skill levels, different personalities and different conditions. Without them I would not do as well, and whether they like to admit it or not they would not do as well without people like me. The same with friends and family. We all bring our own seasoning to the party. We are all different species of the same jungle floor and it helps us make this whole journey worth it. Learning when to cut off the dead branch, nurture the one that still has life in it and dance with the leaves that love swaying with the wind and sun. A mixture of passion, worth, profit, vision and persistence alongside the want to adapt will keep the finance and personal growth growing. Hence, I would say next time when you need to make more money, are stuck for ideas, feel overwhelmed or not feeling your worth – look at what talent pool might be in your team, family and friends that can help. That perhaps you dismissed before. Whilst always trusting your gut feeling. See the real worth of not giving up! No matter how big or small the opportunity or obstacle is! And – try and have fun with it like we Icelanders get taught on any occasion – Or as we would say Þetta Reddast! Follow me on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit my website for more info! Read more from Oddný! Oddný Edwards, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Oddný Edwards is an award-winning Chef and Creator. Born in Iceland where she was taught to respect and learn from nature. When she was sixteen, Oddny moved to Hawaii, immersing herself in an organic flower and herb farm. Here she learned even more how to live off the land, and about the diverse trees and their ability to feed and medicate us. Armed with this knowledge Oddný set out to save trees. Starting with the ash tree. She opended a restaurant and cafe with focus on edible trees and has launched her own products infused with ash trees in hope to rescue them. Turns out the ash tree is full of medicinal properties.

Written by: Jason Polk , Executive Contributor Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise. No one is born inherently better than or less than anyone else. We all have inherent worth that fundamentally can’t be added to or taken away from. If we have inflated or deflated self-esteem, it’s a product of our environment. There are cultural factors that lead to inflated self-esteem, and our families live in that culture. More specifically though, we’ll explore 3 familial factors that can lead to inflated self-esteem in adults. First, what is inflated self-esteem? Inflated self-esteem is feeling better than others. It’s forgetting that we’re all imperfect human beings trying our best. It’s literally and figuratively having your nose up in the air looking down on others. In the Pia Mellody and Terry Real schools of thought, it’s also referred to as being “1-up” or in grandiosity, which is the opposite of being “1-down” or in toxic shame. What is brilliant about their schools of thought is the understanding that the energy behind both inflated self-esteem and deflated self-esteem, is contempt. If we’re in toxic shame, the contempt is going towards us (“I’m an idiot.)” If we’re in grandiosity the contempt is going towards others (“You’re an idiot.)” We’re going to look at where this grandiosity and inflated self-esteem can come from. 1. It was modeled. One parent may have often operated in the 1-up position with judgement and contempt towards their spouse (your parent or stepparent). They often devalued their spouse’s thoughts, feelings, or interests and they may have behaved overly selfishly putting their needs above the relationship and the family. The message that gets communicated to the child and young adult is: when you get older, this is how you get to act… 2. You were raised as if you could do no wrong. Children need to experience the consequences of their actions in a healthy way. Children raised as if they can do no wrong often received the message that someone else was to blame for their shortcomings. For example, the poor grades they received were not their fault, but were the fault of the teachers, the school, or the system because they’re inadequate. This sort of parenting disconnects children from the consequences of their actions, and they may begin to operate as if “above the law,” and take this belief into adulthood. 3. You were falsely empowered as a child. Sometimes children can be elevated to a spoken or unspoken role in the family of something like, “You’re our star athlete or student, and you’ll make us look good as parents…” If a child is elevated to that role, like being raised as if you could do no wrong, they have special status and they begin to believe in this status. The problems with this are not only inflated self-esteem, but the message of performance-based esteem which is, “I have value based on what I do, not who I am…” Knowing where inflated self-esteem comes from can provide insight and motivation to change. If you think you have inflated self-esteem, or most likely, it has been pointed out to you by someone else, it’s important to start practicing “same as.” This means remembering no one is fundamentally better or less than anyone else. Basically, it means not being quick to cast judgements of your partner or others because we’re all fundamentally trying our best. I’ll share a quick practice that helps me come down to same as. Say I come home and the kids are upset. Instead of immediately blaming and judging my wife for this, I ask myself the question: “What’s my part in this?” That usually does the trick because: I could have gotten home earlier, I could of have dinner prepared, I could have spent more time individually with my kids today, etc., etc. Good news is that usually works. If it doesn’t, I’ll then remember all the positive qualities of my wife. I mean, after all, I did marry her… Follow me on Facebook , Instagram , LinkedIn , and visit my website for more info! Read more from Jason! Jason Polk, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Jason Polk has been a couples therapist in Denver, CO for over nine years. He helps couples move away from disconnection and disharmony to harmony, connection and passion. He's been effective in helping clients experience and maintain results. Jason has been divorced and that's why he became a relationship therapist. Now he's been happily married for seven years and has two young kids. His mission: help you have harmony & passion!