You Underestimate Your Traumas – Why Even Small Experiences Matter
Updated: Oct 21, 2025
Erik Dmitriy Palatnik is a renowned psychotherapeutic coach and hypnotherapist specialising in inner child work. He helps individuals overcome challenges like low self-esteem, social anxiety, and self-sabotage by addressing childhood traumas and shifting their mindset towards a fulfilling future.
There’s a difference between trauma with a capital 'T' and trauma with a small 't' (see Francine Shapiro’s training for EMDR). We usually think trauma means something big, like a loss, war, abuse, or a major accident. Something dramatic enough to make the world stop. But what about all the moments that didn’t look dramatic at all? When nobody listened. When you were told, “Don’t be silly.” When no one believed in you, or you felt invisible.
These moments don’t leave visible scars, but they leave something deeper, beliefs about who we are and what we deserve. Small traumas create deep wounds. They might whisper instead of scream, but their echo stays for decades.
Trauma, the invisible kind of pain
Many people say, “I don’t have any trauma.” They think trauma only means a tragic event. But childhood is full of quiet experiences that shape us just as much. Growing up in emotional coldness, being unseen or unheard, constantly feeling like you’re “too much” or “not enough.” Trauma, with a small 't', often it’s not about what happened, it’s about what didn’t happen. The love you didn’t get. The support that never came. The attention that was always given to someone else.
These missing pieces slowly form a lens through which we see ourselves and the world. If a child felt unheard, they might grow into an adult who doesn’t believe their voice matters. If nobody believed in them, they might stop believing in themselves or spend a lifetime trying to prove they’re good enough.
Proving, performing, surviving
Workaholism can develop, as many people live in a constant attempt to prove something, sometimes to a parent who isn’t even alive anymore. You can achieve great success, build a career, earn recognition, and still feel empty because the drive comes from pain, not from peace. And because it’s not about living your life, but about proving your worth.
As children, it doesn’t occur to us to blame our parents, we blame ourselves. We think, “If my father doesn’t pay attention to me, it must be because I’m not interesting enough.” Or, “If my mother works all the time, her work must be more important than I am.” That’s how self-doubt begins, not as a conscious decision, but as a quiet adaptation to pain. And that adaptation becomes a program running in the background of our adult life, shaping our choices, our relationships, and our ability to love ourselves.
The protective programs that still run
These beliefs and protective mechanisms once helped us survive. Maybe as a child, you learned not to ask for help because it was safer not to. Maybe you learned that love must be earned, and so you spend your adult life trying to earn it through success, control, or care-taking. But these strategies that once protected you are now the same ones that keep you from being free.
We can’t go back and change the past, but we can change the meaning we gave to it. That’s where healing begins, not by blaming anyone, not by waiting for apologies, but by recognizing the programs that still run inside us.
Understanding what really drives you
The unconscious mind runs most of what we do, about 95% of it. That means our behavior often reflects beliefs we don’t even know we have. If deep down you believe “I don’t deserve love”, your relationships will mirror that. If you believe “I’ll never succeed”, you’ll find reasons to stay small.
The goal is not to force yourself into positive thinking. It’s to become aware of the beliefs that were formed long ago, to see them clearly and understand.
“This is not the truth. This was a conclusion I made as a child.”
Once you see it, you can start to rewrite it. Slowly. Gently. Beliefs built over thirty or forty years don’t dissolve overnight, but they can change.
Giving the child what they needed
Healing happens when the adult you are today gives the child you were what they never received: understanding, safety, compassion. You’re not changing the past, you’re changing the meaning you gave to it. And when that happens, you begin to feel differently now, in the present. That’s how real transformation begins, not by fixing the past, but by reinterpreting it.
When we do that, life becomes lighter. We stop living as the child who was unseen and start living as the adult who can see themselves clearly. That’s true freedom when we take our lives back into our own hands.
If you feel ready to explore the roots of your own patterns and finally take control of your life, I offer hypnotherapy and coaching to help you uncover and transform these old beliefs.
Erik Dmitriy Palatnik, Psychotherapeutic Coach, Clinical Hypnotherapist
Erik Dmitriy Palatnik is a renowned psychotherapeutic coach and hypnotherapist specializing in inner-child work. He helps individuals overcome challenges like low self-esteem, social anxiety, and self-sabotage by addressing childhood traumas and shifting their mindset towards a fulfilling future. Erik's own journey intertwines gender and identity reformation, which gives him a deep understanding and empathy, and helps him to create a safe space for personal growth. His mission to help individuals realize their inner potential resonates in a world seeking authentic connection and self-expression. With fluency in English, German, and Russian, he effortlessly connects with individuals from diverse backgrounds.
