Writing a Memoir is as Healing as a Lotus Rising From the Mud
- 16 hours ago
- 6 min read
Jasmine Clemente is a Bestselling Author, RYT500 Yoga Teacher, and Spiritual Guide for women on the cusp of profound transformation. Through the ancient wisdom of yoga, the power of storytelling, and the sacred act of journaling, Jasmine empowers women on their self-healing journey.
Death. Rebirth. Healing. Trauma. Heartbreak. We’ve all had the feels. And when it gets too painful, sometimes, the only thing left to do is write. Each word moves us forward as we turn the pages of our lives, breathing into the next moment because we have to keep going.
If you’ve ever thought about writing personal essays or memoirs, take this as your sign. There’s something primal about the way our hands release our thoughts across the keyboard to share some of our most vulnerable memories. Bravely, we tell our stories, one paragraph at a time, in hopes that someone out there will bring validation to our experiences, readers who can relate.
After reading my memoir, More Than One Soulmate, back to myself, I had plenty of aha moments. It was as if I were holding a mirror up to my face, except that I didn’t see my physical features; I saw my invisible patterns through the pages. After all, it was my story, a confession of how I loved and lost myself through several relationships until realizing that true love wasn’t only limited to romantic connections, but could also be found through the lens of a much deeper spiritual understanding of the world. If you think that sharing your experiences could help someone else, continue reading.
Choosing the timeframe
Writing a memoir is not a biography. It’s a story that should read like fiction. Give readers excitement, drama, plot twists, lessons, and of course, peace. Something they can read while lying on a hammock. And when they do, take them down memory lane as if they’re journeying through a time machine because in some ways, they are.
This is why the time period you choose is important, because you obviously can’t write about every single detail of your life, as you most likely don’t remember them all. And so, the question is, which season of your life is the most significant? Your teens, twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, or sixties?
If there is a certain theme you’re writing about, then you need to capture the moment when this theme began budding, not before.
Let’s say you’re writing about how you transformed from wife to singlehood after divorce. That means you’ll have to give us the backstory about your marriage, but you don’t necessarily have to write about your childhood, that’s too much information. But if you do, then bring up one powerful childhood memory that relates to how you grew up to become who you are. That’s all. Don’t stay there too long.
Focus on your main message, which should capture a certain decade. For example, if you’re explaining your marriage, then write about how your loose-fitting engagement ring kept falling off your finger, or how your stomach tightened when walking down the aisle with your father, or the first time one of you slammed the door after your first fight. How old were you? What songs were popular? How did you dress? Did you ditch the heels for sneakers, and did you wear your hair up or down? What was fashionable around that time? You have to take us back to those years so that we can remember them too, and maybe even see ourselves in you.
Regardless of what your theme is, you need to focus on a specific timeframe. I recommend writing about something within a five to ten-year period.
Writing with heart
What sets a great memoir apart from other stories is the vulnerability that reads through the pages. It’s enough to say you cried, but show us how the night turned into day as the sun crept through your windows at 5:00 a.m., and yet you weren’t done falling apart. Open your soul to us so that we’re able to see the human in you, the person who traveled through highs and lows in search of the truth as you killed off your old identity. We want to relate, even if we’re too afraid to see certain parts within ourselves, let us see it in you as an example of courage.
Readers can tell when the story feels cookie-cutter or like it’s been told before in a similar voice. We want something fresh and authentic, so don’t be afraid to be yourself. I can say that now, but when I wrote my memoir, More Than One Soulmate, my hands trembled as I typed, worried about what people would think after reading it. I didn’t just fear critics, I feared getting canceled if I wrote anything that could’ve come across as offensive. We never know how anyone will interpret something. What heals one person might trigger another. And yet, if we’re not to use A.I. because we want real Authors, then this is the chance we have to take, to be raw and honest about our experiences, our perspectives, and our stories.
I think what people respect most is when writers are brave enough to reveal their shadows. They’re not trying to be perfect, they’re just telling their story.
Maybe some will pick up a few nuggets of wisdom when reading the book, maybe others won’t. But you’re not here to heal everyone. You’re here to heal yourself. Let the practice of writing be enough for you, and let everyone else evolve in their own way. The best you can do is be honest in your work and let the universe do what it’s going to do.
Sharing your journey
Before your memoir is complete, I recommend blogging and freelance writing for other magazines for the following reasons, to get your name out there, to build your audience, and to strengthen your writing craft.
Imagine publishing a book, but hardly anyone has heard of you. At least when you freelance, your name will start to become familiar. You can write about topics that relate to your upcoming memoir so that you stay on brand, and if you need help with this, consider taking my "Words to Wisdom" bootcamp course, where I’ll show you the ropes of writing for Substack and Medium. It’s a great way to share your personal essays, opinion pieces, and even leak one or two chapters from your upcoming book so that people have something to look forward to by the time you publish. You might even gain presales.
The most important part
I’m a fan of self-publishing because you have complete creative control. I’m not discouraging anyone from pitching their memoir to major publishing houses. Who wouldn’t want their book signed by Penguin Random House or HarperCollins? We’d probably all love that. But if by some chance you don’t get signed, you can still become a successful indie Author, which means you can feel proud about what you write without modifying your work.
Personally, I love it when Artists remain true to their vision. One of the complaints from all kinds of Artists in the past was that they felt pressured to compromise their work in order to keep their publishing deal because there was a team of Editors suggesting what parts to keep or discard. While I admire the professional input of experts in their field, I also support the Artists' ultimate vision. As an Author, it’s important to write from your heart, or at least write from your seventh crown chakra, your highest imagination.
Despite a memoir being true, your imagination will still paint your story because of the style in which you write it. It’s your creative flow that will drive your story forward, taking your reader to a place that only you can describe in your own words. And that is what makes your story special, because it’s written by "you." So, when you’re working on your memoir, keep this one thing front and center, it’s your story, not someone else’s. That means you get to write it in your voice, not someone else’s. And that should be healing enough.
Read more from Jasmine Clemente
Jasmine Clemente, Bestselling Conscious Author & Yoga Teacher
Jasmine Clemente is a Spiritual Guide for women on the cusp of profound transformation. As someone who began her career as a Recording Dance Artist before becoming an RYT 500 yoga teacher, Jasmine bravely writes about her experiences of loss, change, and self-reflection, while encouraging women to embrace their unique journey as well. She offers writing courses in the categories of memoir, self-help, and therapeutic journaling.
