Why You Struggle to Ask for Help and How Embracing Support Can Change Your Life, and Someone Else's
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 19
- 4 min read
Written by Jen Hamilton, Conscious-Life Coach
Jen Hamilton is a renowned Conscious-Life Coach specialising in clinical hypnotherapy, past life regression therapy, NLP, and empowerment events. As a number one best-selling author, the host of the enLIFEned podcast, she inspires others to achieve liberation, fulfillment, and pleasure through deep inner transformation and awakening.
Have you ever gone to say the words, “Can you please help me?” only to feel a lump rise in your throat, a swirl of anxiety in your belly, and a tightness pressing into your chest?
It might not be because you think you’re bothering someone. It might be something deeper. Something lodged in your subconscious and etched into your nervous system.
Asking for help can feel like a risk when, somewhere along the way, you learned it wasn’t safe.
The quiet struggle beneath it all
Many of us are silently battling the struggle of overwhelm. Maybe you’re juggling motherhood, work, a growing to-do list, emotional labor, the laundry, and trying to hold yourself together while still showing up for everyone else.
You might be silently wishing someone would swoop in and offer relief. Yet, when it comes to actually voicing the words, “Can you help me?”, your body contracts.
Not because you’re weak. But because somewhere inside, a belief has formed that needing help makes you less than. That independence is your armor. That to ask is to fail.
Independence or invisible wound?
If you're the first to show up for others, the one who holds space, the one who knows how to support – yet you rarely let others support you, it’s time to ask yourself why.
Questions to sit with:
Do I feel like asking makes me a burden?
Do I associate needing help with being helpless?
Was I ever made to feel ashamed for asking?
Do I equate value with how much I can do on my own?
There’s nothing wrong with being capable and independent. But when it becomes a strategy to avoid disappointment, rejection, or shame, it stops being empowering and starts being protective.
Where did you learn this?
As children, we asked for what we needed.
“Mom, can I have a snack?”
“Dad, can you lift me up?”
“Miss, can you help me understand this?”
It was natural. It was safe. It was accepted.
But over time, many of us experienced moments where our needs were unmet, ignored, shamed, or met with a transactional tone. Maybe you were told to “do it yourself.” Maybe you saw others belittled for needing support. Maybe asking once led to a rejection that left a lasting scar.
And so your body learned: don’t ask.
Rejection isn’t fatal, but it feels that way
We’re only born with two innate fears – falling and loud noises. Every other fear is learned. Including rejection.
The fear of hearing “no” might not seem as life-threatening as falling from a tree, but your nervous system doesn’t know the difference. It only registers discomfort, shame, or emotional pain and stores that as a warning for next time.
So now, when you want to reach out, your body tenses. Your breath shortens. Your thoughts spiral. And you choose silence. But here’s the thing. Rejection won’t destroy you. And more often than not, people actually want to help.
Help doesn’t have to be transactional
For many, asking for support is tangled with guilt. You may have learned:
“If I can’t repay it, I shouldn’t ask.”
“I don’t want to owe anyone anything.”
“If I need help, I must not be good enough.”
This belief system turns help into a transaction. Something to be earned, balanced, or paid back. And it completely cuts off the magic of true generosity.
Sometimes, people just want to help you. Because they care. Because it feels good to give. Because that’s how love moves through them.
Learn to receive without the story
It’s not just about learning to ask. It’s about learning to receive. Without guilt. Without shame. Without attaching a story to your worth.
Let yourself be supported.
Not everyone will say yes, and that’s okay. People with healthy boundaries might not have the capacity. But you won’t know unless you ask. And more often than not, you’ll be surprised at who shows up for you.
There are people who love to give. Who feel purposeful in their offering. Who have time, wisdom, energy, or resources that they want to share.
Let them.
What if you paid it forward?
Not every act of generosity has to be repaid to the giver. Sometimes, the best way to honor the help you receive is to pass it on.
This creates a cycle of soul-led support. A ripple that travels far beyond you.
Try this:
If someone helps you and you can’t repay them, offer help to someone else when they need it.
Be generous with your own time, energy, and love.
Open yourself to giving and receiving as a natural flow of life.
When you live like this, you’re no longer operating from survival or scarcity. You’re part of a community of care.
Break the pattern, start the shift
Here are a few ways to begin softening the walls:
Get curious. Ask yourself why help feels hard to receive.
Trace the origin. Find the first memory where asking felt unsafe.
Breathe through it. Notice the physical response and offer compassion to yourself.
Practice. Start with small requests and build trust in safe spaces.
Say yes to receiving. Let others love you the way you love them.
Create reciprocal circles. Surround yourself with people who give and receive with grace.
You were never meant to do it all alone
Asking for help is not weakness. It’s wisdom. It’s strength. It’s self-respect.
It’s the key to connection, healing, and freedom.
So the next time you feel like you’re spiraling in your mind, or like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, try whispering the words that once came so easily:
“Can you please help me?”
And let that be the beginning of letting love in.
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Read more from Jen Hamilton
Jen Hamilton, Conscious-Life Coach
Jen Hamilton is a conscious life coach, clinical hypnotherapist, and women’s empowerment mentor dedicated to empowering people to awaken their inner alchemy. Her mission is to help people discover their inner world so their outer world reflects their true selves. Jen's work combines science-driven techniques and spirituality, creating a powerful synergy that initiates deep transformation, fostering self-love, and guiding people to a purpose-driven life filled with fulfilment and growth.
