Why We Need to Normalize Suicidal Thoughts
- Brainz Magazine
- May 23
- 8 min read
Jayden Aubryn is an innovative healer who has quickly become an expert in their field. As the founder of TISE Consulting and Therapy and co-founder of Chaotic Healing, they specialize in making healing accessible and fun.
Have you or a loved one ever experienced suicidal thoughts? If so, did you panic? Did you feel shame or guilt? Rates of suicidal thoughts and attempts continue to increase, yet most people do not feel prepared to manage suicidal thoughts. This article will explain why normalizing suicidal thoughts is essential for better health outcomes and what to do if you or a loved one is experiencing suicidal thoughts.
Panic is not the answer
Suicidal thoughts, like all things, have the potential to be helpful or harmful. Research tells us that suicidal ideation can promote a sense of relief and comfort. Furthermore, most people who have suicidal thoughts do not act on them. The thoughts themselves are not the primary problem. The relationship with suicidal thoughts is a much bigger issue.
If you have a negative, stigmatizing, or hostile relationship with your suicidal thoughts, you’re more likely to panic if you have these types of thoughts. You may believe you’re in danger, doing something wrong, or about to enter a bottomless spiral of despair. Now you feel anxious, sad, and hopeless.
The negative relationship leads to negative thoughts, which lead to negative feelings. If you feel worse, your suicidal thoughts will likely worsen, and the spiral you were afraid of has begun.
You could have a more neutral relationship with your suicidal thoughts, though. Instead of panicking from anxiety, acknowledge that the thought is there and continue with your day. You don’t have to place more meaning on it. A thought is just a thought.
If you want, you could even have a positive relationship with your suicidal thoughts. Your suicidal thoughts may be an indicator that you’re overworked, not taking care of your body, or unhappy with your life circumstances. Your suicidal thoughts act as a warning light. In that case, you may thank your body for the warning and spend extra energy reflecting on the changes you’d like to make in your life. In this scenario, you may feel gratitude, optimism, and in control.
The thoughts themselves are neutral. The relationship with the thoughts is key.
How to assess danger
Of course, there are times when suicidal thoughts are combined with other factors that lead to suicide attempts and suicide completion. There are four main things to consider when assessing how dangerous your thoughts are:
1. Intent
Do you have any intention of acting on your suicidal thoughts? We often have impulsive thoughts that we don’t intend to act on.
“I want to eat this whole cake.”
“What if I jumped off this mountain?”
“My cat is so cute, I want to shake it.”
When we have suicidal thoughts, our intent can range from “I would never do that” to “I will do this as soon as I get home”. The lower the intent, the less concern is needed.
2. Plan
Do you have a plan to attempt suicide? People often have preferences in how they would kill themselves. These plans usually take preparation. If someone has not thought of a plan, less concern is needed.
3. Means
Do you have the means to complete your plan? Sometimes people require objects or tools to complete their plan. Others plan around a specific day or time of year. If you're unable to complete your plan, less concern is needed.
4. Hope
Do you have hope that things will get better? Are there things in the future that you’re looking forward to? Without hope, we often lose the motivation to keep going. If there is even one thing you have hope for, that can save your life. The more hope you have, the less concern is needed.
If you have intent, plan, means, and hopelessness, immediate and professional intervention may be warranted. However, only a small percentage of individuals who experience suicidal thoughts meet all the above criteria. For most people, reducing panic, removing stigma, and following the guidance below will be enough to keep them safe.
Caring for your body
The first thing to consider when dealing with depression and/or suicidal ideation is if your bodily needs are being met. Most people are familiar with this advice: drink water, go outside, eat well-balanced meals, get sleep, move your body, etc. These types of interventions give your body the energy and resources it needs to make positive changes in your life.
Prescribed medications can also meet this need. If you feel unable to take care of your body, taking medications can give you the energy to do so. However, taking care of your body is not enough.
Antidepressants come with a warning: they may increase suicidal behavior. This may seem counterintuitive, but it’s important to understand.
When you’re depressed, your body stops making as much energy. This is why you feel tired, heavy, and sluggish when you’re depressed. When experiencing suicidal thoughts, people often don’t have enough energy to make a plan or develop intent.
However, by increasing the amount of energy in your body via bodily care and/or medications, you may increase your capacity to plan your suicide. To prevent this, it’s important to pair body-based interventions with cognitive interventions.
Optimistic realism
Many people are wary of cognitive interventions because they have the potential to gaslight or invalidate your experience. If someone has an abusive family, little social support, hates their job, and is struggling financially, telling them to think positively is, quite frankly, insulting.
It may be true that their life at that moment is not ideal. If that’s the case, it’s not helpful to challenge or invalidate that perception. We all have moments in life that are not great, and we can honor those experiences.
However, those moments do not last. Our world operates in cycles. After a wildfire, trees grow back. After a storm, our reservoirs refill. After a war, we rebuild.
Optimistic realism allows someone to accept unsatisfying conditions while dreaming of a better future. Helping a suicidal person imagine a future better than their current circumstances can instill hope and aid in recovery.
Community supports
Someone experiencing suicidal thoughts needs adequate social support. When we believe we have a positive impact on others, we are much less likely to attempt suicide. Building robust social support is a wonderful preventative strategy for severe suicidal ideation.
However, if someone is suicidal or depressed, they may have difficulty building community supports. In these cases, quickly accessible supports like volunteering, calling warm lines, or professional mental health services can be lifesaving.
Mutually beneficial relationships
If a loved one is experiencing suicidal thoughts, it can be tempting to become a caretaker. However well-intentioned, this approach can backfire.
A deeply depressed or suicidal person may feel they are a burden or unlovable. They believe that by dying, they’d be doing others a favor by being less of a burden. Receiving care while in this mindset may heighten your perception of being a burden and increase suicidality.
To prevent this, it’s important to offer mutually beneficial care. Instead of adopting a caretaking role, be honest about your struggles. Together, you can figure out how to meet both of your needs.
This may sound counterintuitive. People are often worried they’ll overwhelm their suicidal loved one if they share their struggles. However, by being open and honest, you allow your loved one to help you. When we believe we can make a positive impact on others, we are less likely to act on suicidal thoughts.
There are many examples of what this can look like:
If you and your friend both struggle with eating, cook a meal together or meet up for brunch.
If you both struggle with hygiene, go to the spa together or have a homemade spa night.
If you both feel pessimistic about the world, create vision boards of what a better world could look like or sign up to volunteer at a local organization together.
If you’ve both been feeling sad, go to a comedy show together or have a game night.
Increase quality of life
Though shocking to hear, many people experiencing suicidal ideation do not want to die. More accurately, they don’t want to live their current life. If you notice that you or a friend frequently have suicidal thoughts, it may be worth assessing what areas of your life are not going well.
Does your job drain your energy?
Does your family often make fun of you?
Are you living the life you were told to live, but don’t truly enjoy it?
Do you live in an environment that you feel unsafe in?
Do you have to change aspects of yourself to fit in with your social group?
Do you have healthcare providers who listen to you?
Creating a life that you enjoy living can greatly reduce suicidal thoughts. However, these types of changes can feel overwhelming. Breaking them down into small goals can make them feel more manageable.
Perhaps you don't like your workplace. Set a goal to research potential other jobs in the next month. The month after that, determine what skills you’d need (if any) to switch jobs. The month after that, focus on updating your resume. The month after that, send your resume to five employers.
This type of goal setting can help people stay motivated and hopeful about the future. It can also foster a sense of autonomy, that you are taking control of your life. Hope, motivation, autonomy, and a sense of control all help lower the risk of attempting suicide.
Future planning
Often, suicidal people view the future as grim, bleak, and not worth living. Helping someone imagine a future worth living and assisting them with taking steps to achieve that future is crucial. Ideally, this includes a mix of short-, mid, and long-term goals.
Examples of short-term goals:
Getting brunch on the weekend
Going on a daily walk
Filling out an application to volunteer
Downloading an app to find friends
Examples of mid-term goals:
Planning a camping trip in two months
Signing up for a three-month partner dancing class
Researching different cities to move to
Finding a new medical provider
Examples of long-term goals:
Buying concert tickets for next year
Taking a certification course to qualify for a better job
Sign up for a half-marathon and create a training plan
Set boundaries with friends and family
Most people don’t become suicidal overnight. It happens over time as your resiliency and hope are worn down. That means healing will also happen over time.
It takes time for your brain to change its thinking patterns, for your body to produce different chemicals, to make and sustain routines, to build meaningful connections, or to find a medication that works for you. Balancing the short-, medium-, and long-term goals is going to be the most holistic and effective way to support someone with suicidal ideation.
Call to action
With a better understanding of suicidal thoughts, there is less need to panic. Instead, focus on the actionable steps outlined in this article. And if, despite taking these steps, you or a loved one continues to experience suicidal thoughts with intent, plan, means, and hopelessness, ask for help. Find a licensed mental health professional, call your local crisis line, or visit the nearest hospital emergency room.
If you or someone you love is contemplating suicide, seek help immediately. For help 24/7, dial 988 for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741.
Read more from Jayden Aubry
Jayden Aubryn, Psychotherapist and Consultant
Jayden Aubryn is an accomplished psychotherapist, personal trainer, and consultant with two professional licenses and eight active certifications. As a lifelong dancer, artist, and healer, they believe in utilizing the healing powers of movement, food, music, art, and BDSM. Traditional therapy and medicine are not accessible or effective for everyone. Jayden's mission is to empower people with the knowledge they need to make their healing journey successful and fun.
