Written by: Mariette Jansen, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
In 2022 I got two cancer diagnoses in the breast and womb. Today, at the end of January 2023, I am cancer free. One of the huge challenges of cancer is that the journey takes a long time: multiple tests, waiting weeks for results and some treatments. As a patient, you drift from one appointment to another. Hoping that each appointment will give clarity and hopefully a positive outcome.
I started being a patient (without feeling ill) in early Summer 2022 and I really didn’t know until the end of January 2023 what was going at. Would I need chemo? Had the cancer spread? What stage was it? Malignant? Luckily, my cancer was taken out with a full hysterectomy and a one sided mastectomy. I am fortunate in that I only require a short course of radiotherapy to ensure that all my cancer cells are gone.
As a psychotherapist and life coach, I know a lot of tools to deal with stressful situations. But would I be able to apply those to myself?
My story
I had been subjected to a number of tests and minor procedures during the summer 2022. As a post-menopausal woman I started bleeding, which of course wasn’t appropriate. I didn’t think anything of it and was happy for a procedure to stop the bleeding. However, this brought to light that cancer cells were hovering in my womb and the recommended solution was a full hysterectomy.
A big operation, but done via keyhole surgery made it easier to recuperate.
Apparently.
The date for my surgery was set a few days after I got back from a holiday in Greece.
Just before that holiday, I had my regular mammogram and unfortunately, it showed something dodgy. Something that needed a closer look. Which meant that immediately after returning from Greece, I dashed off to a specialist clinic for a morning of 5 different tests. If I had been clean, they would have sent me home after test 1 or 2 or 3, but as it happened, all tests showed that something wasn’t right. After two weeks darling husband and I returned for a meeting about the results. Expecting it to be okay. You can imagine the shock when we heard the words: ‘We recommend a mastectomy, as we found cancer and pre-cancer cells’.
That was just two days before my full hysterectomy.
Two operations ahead, both with an uncertain outcomes.
My hysterectomy took place on the 3rd of November, the mastectomy on the 8th of December 2022.
The weeks in between the first and second operation gave me focus: get as fit as possible for the second op. A great spirit lifter was the news in early December that the hysterectomy had cleared my body of cancerous cells and I didn’t need any further treatment.
7 mindset hacks that got me through
Apart from focus and good news, I used the following mindset hacks to deal with my challenging situation. It seems important to share, as I hope it helps others.
1. Reality instead of plastic positivity
It is never helpful to deny a situation.
I acknowledged that I was seriously unwell and at no point would I say ‘All will be okay’, because how could I know?
What I did know though was how I felt and most days I would say ‘I am feeling okay today’.
The storyline: ‘I have GOOD, BAD NEWS. The bad news is that I have cancer. Clearly located in the womb and breast, so both operations could be the cure.
2. Taking control of my feelings and anxiety
How was I feeling?
Nervous, if I allowed it.
Restless, if I allowed it.
Emotional, if I allowed it.
But I choose not to. I focussed on the facts, one at the time. I didn’t take myself through future possible scenarios and potential dramas. Instead, I concentrated on what I could control: healing my body through healthy eating, meditation, dog walking (no gym), time for friends, time for partying and loads of laughter. I also had regular reflexology sessions to balance my energy and speed up healing.
Studies show that anxiety levels soar when there is a perceived lack of control. Accepting the lack of control helps to reduce the anxiety.
3. Creating new experiences
I started to do new things. How about a 1,000 pieces jigsaw for someone who hadn’t puzzled the last since the age of 6? Or picking up crochet, which I last did when I was 18? I am now creating a jumper. And the idea of writing a series of 6 self-help books?
4. Embracing normality
I was lucky with how my body responded to the operations. Within 5 days I was working with my clients. I spaced the bookings out, to avoid putting myself under pressure. But being back, doing what I love, helped my recovery. Going food shopping (with the help of other people’s arms as I wasn’t allowed to lift or drive) was fun, walking the dog, cooking and seeing friends kept the normal things going and took me away from feeling a ‘patient’.
5. Accepting and surrendering
I totally accepted and surrendered to the situation. There was no ‘why me?’ or ‘I don’t want it’. I didn’t waste any energy on those thoughts and the feelings that go with it. There was ‘I have to deal with it’ and ‘It is what it is’. Maybe that supported my incredibly fast healing process. And of course, the fact that my lifestyle has been pretty healthy over the last few decades.
6. Leaving the judgment
My biggest lesson about my recent experience is that nothing is bad, unless I consider it bad. Nothing is a problem, unless I make it a problem.
If I had pain, I took a painkiller.
If I was tired, I went to bed.
If I had an unexpected hospital appointment, I changed my schedule.
When I couldn’t lift, someone needed to take over.
When I couldn’t drive, I took an uber or asked someone else to drive me.
And often, a situation is a problem because you don’t want to accept the situation and all that goes with it. Letting go of that judgment frees both body and mind.
7. Tools and techniques
There are many tools and techniques which support mental well-being, such as meditation, journaling, tapping, resting, laughing and talking.
I created a few mantras, which I started each day with:
‘Today I am one day closer to my final recovery’.
‘Today I am fully alive and will enjoy whatever comes my way’.
Conclusion
I feel lucky and grateful that my cancer journey has nearly ended. However, it hasn’t been a dramatic and disastrous time, thanks to the mindset hacks I applied. There were many happy days, lots of laughter and an appreciation for all the good stuff that was still happening.
Also, I would like to stress the importance of an early diagnosis. I had no indication of breast cancer, no lumps, pains or discomfort and I was lucky that the mammogram revealed something irregular. If you are offered a mammogram or any other test, take it.
And when you are having symptoms, pain or discomfort, find out what is going on. ‘When in doubt, check it out’.
Mariette Jansen, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr Mariette Jansen is a successful coach, therapist, and blogger for over 20 years. Also, author of best-selling self-help book 'From Victim to Victor' for victims of narcissistic abuse. She grew up with a narcissistic mother and had several romantic relationships with narcissists. Her mission is to empower and educate on life skills, narcissistic abuse, and thinking patterns. She offers a free coaching session via her website. Originally from the Netherlands, she now lives in the UK.
