What is Matrescence and Why Every New Mother Needs to Know About It
- 3 hours ago
- 10 min read
Markella Kaplani, M.A., is a licensed psychologist specializing in parenthood and relationship dynamics. With over 16 years of experience, she brings a holistic and compassionate approach to mental and emotional wellness, supporting parents in reconnecting to themselves, their partners, and their dreams so that the entire family system can thrive.
Congratulations! Your precious baby has arrived! Everyone tells you it is the happiest time of your life. So why do you feel like you are losing yourself? Why does your body feel foreign, your mind foggy, and your emotions wildly unpredictable? Why do you love this tiny person more than you thought possible and still grieve the person you were before giving birth?
These contradictory feelings may make you wonder if there is something wrong with you. You might feel guilty, trying to explain, mainly to yourself, in your head, that you are not regretting becoming a mother. You may feel like you are not yourself anymore, like you might be having some kind of mental breakdown.
But I am here to tell you that this is normal. In fact, it is part of the process, a process called matrescence, the most significant neurological and psychological transformation of adult life. Chances are, nobody ever told you it existed.
In this article, you will learn what matrescence is, what it does to your brain, body, and identity, why most mothers have never heard the word, and how understanding it can change the way you experience motherhood.
What is matrescence?
Matrescence is the developmental process of becoming a mother. It was coined in 1973 by medical anthropologist Dana Raphael, the same scholar who introduced the word “doula” into mainstream use. While “doula” became ubiquitous, “matrescence” spent the next five decades in near total obscurity. It was later developed as a clinical concept by reproductive psychiatrist Dr. Alexandra Sacks, who drew a deliberate parallel to adolescence. Just as adolescence describes the turbulent, identity-reshaping transition from childhood to adulthood, matrescence describes the equally turbulent, identity-reshaping transition into motherhood.
Matrescence is not a single moment. It is not the birth. It is not the first year. It is an ongoing process that encompasses the physical, hormonal, neurological, psychological, emotional, relational, social, cultural, and even financial changes that occur as a woman becomes a mother, whether through birth, adoption, or surrogacy. It typically begins during pregnancy, though I would argue that it probably starts when we first think of conceiving, and, according to researchers, lasts a lifetime, with the maternal brain continuing to evolve across the lifespan.
In February 2026, Peanut, the world’s largest social networking app for mothers, and baby care brand Tommee Tippee launched a global campaign to get matrescence into the dictionary with a full page ad in The New York Times. Their provocation was pointed: “IDGAF is in the dictionary. Matrescence isn’t.” A survey by Peanut found that 67 percent of mothers had never heard the term. The campaign reflects a growing recognition that when we do not have language for an experience, we cannot properly understand, research, fund, or support it.
What happens to a mother’s brain?
One of the most striking aspects of matrescence is that it is not merely psychological. It is biological. Neuroscience research has shown that pregnancy and birth trigger significant structural changes in the maternal brain. Gray matter decreases in certain regions while increasing in others. The amygdala, responsible for emotional processing and threat detection, enlarges, which explains the heightened vigilance and anxiety many new mothers experience. Neural pathways rewire, creating entirely new patterns of thought, behavior, and identity. Hormonal shifts during and after pregnancy rival those of puberty and menopause in scope and intensity.
This is not “baby brain.” It is not a deficit. It is a reorganization. The maternal brain is literally rebuilding itself to be more attuned to the needs of a dependent infant. From an evolutionary perspective, this is remarkable. From a lived experience perspective, it is often terrifying because nobody prepares mothers for the fact that we will think, feel, and perceive the world differently than we did before.
Understanding that these changes are neurological rather than personal failings shifts everything. The mother who cannot stop checking whether her baby is breathing at night is not being irrational. Her amygdala has been restructured to keep her infant alive. While this mother deserves to find some inner peace, the approach is wildly different when we can acknowledge her experience as part of the process. The mother who cannot concentrate on a work task the way she used to is not losing her edge. Her brain is in the middle of a renovation. The goal is not to figure out “What is wrong with me?” but to learn to accept that all the waves and oscillations of our experience are normal, even though no one discusses them.
The identity shift nobody prepares you for
Personally, I think one of the most devastating realizations upon becoming a mother was that there is no manual. I knew it would be hard. I had worked with children, parents, and families well before becoming a mother myself. Although I had no illusion that it would be easier for me due to my past experience and studies, a part of me did believe that, in knowing that I was going into uncharted territory, I would be pretty insulated psychologically from the upcoming shock of drastic change.
But beyond the neurological and practical day-to-day changes that are disorienting all on their own, matrescence involves a profound restructuring of identity. We, as women, do not simply add the role of “mother” to our existing sense of self. We undergo a fundamental renegotiation of who we are. Our relationship to our body changes. Our relationship to our partner changes. Our relationship to our career, our friendships, our social life, our sexuality, our autonomy, and our sense of purpose all shift, sometimes gradually, sometimes overnight.
This process is remarkably similar to adolescence, which is why the parallel is so useful. During adolescence, a young person’s body changes in ways that feel out of their control, their emotions become volatile, their sense of identity feels unstable, and their relationships with family and peers undergo rapid reorganization. We grant teenagers enormous patience and understanding during this period because we recognize it as a developmental stage. We have language for it. We have systems to support it. Matrescence is the same kind of developmental upheaval. Yet for mothers, the cultural message is the opposite: get through it quickly, bounce back, be grateful, and do not complain.
In my clinical work, I see the consequences of this silence every day. Mothers who believe they are failing because they feel ambivalent about motherhood. Mothers who are ashamed of grieving the life they had before. Mothers who cannot understand why they feel disconnected from their partners when they “should” be closer than ever. In nearly every case, the relief is immediate when I introduce the concept of matrescence. Not because it solves anything, but because it names what they are experiencing and normalizes it. The power of a name should not be underestimated.
Matrescence is not postpartum depression
One of the most important distinctions to make is that matrescence is not a mental health disorder. It is not postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, or any other clinical condition. It is a normal developmental transition that every mother goes through. However, the two are often confused, and this confusion can cause real harm.
When a mother experiences the emotional turbulence of matrescence, the mood swings, the identity confusion, the grief, and the overwhelm, and presents these to a healthcare provider, she is frequently screened for postpartum depression. If she scores below the clinical threshold, she is told she is fine. But she does not feel fine. She feels profoundly disoriented, and now she has been told there is no clinical explanation for it. She goes home believing that whatever she is experiencing is simply her personal inadequacy.
Matrescence fills this gap. It provides a framework for the experiences that fall between “thriving” and “diagnosis,” a vast, confusing middle ground where most mothers actually live. This does not mean that matrescence cannot coexist with postpartum depression. It absolutely can, and when it does, both need to be addressed. But treating all maternal distress as either clinical illness or nothing at all leaves millions of women without support.
Why nobody talks about it
If matrescence was identified over fifty years ago, why are the vast majority of mothers still encountering it for the first time through social media, if they encounter it at all?
Part of the answer is structural. Maternal health research is drastically underfunded relative to the number of people it affects. The Peanut campaign highlighted that untreated perinatal mood and anxiety disorders alone cost an estimated 14.2 billion dollars annually in the United States. When we do not name something, we do not study it. When we do not study it, we do not fund support for it. When we do not fund support, mothers suffer in silence and assume it is their problem to solve alone.
Part of the answer is cultural. The dominant narrative around motherhood in Western culture is one of natural instinct and selfless devotion. Within this narrative, struggle is not a sign of normal development. It is a sign that you are doing it wrong. Admitting that you feel lost, ambivalent, or grief-stricken after having a child violates the unspoken contract of grateful motherhood. Matrescence disrupts this narrative entirely. It says: of course you are struggling. Your brain, body, and identity are being rebuilt. That is not weakness. It is biology.
Part of the answer is linguistic. The World Health Organization has identified maternal isolation as a growing public health crisis. When mothers do not have the language to describe what they are going through, they cannot communicate it to their partners, their families, their employers, or their healthcare providers. They experience the transformation alone. Language is not just semantics. It is infrastructure for support.
What matrescence looks and feels like
Matrescence does not have a single presentation. It is as varied as the women who experience it. But there are common threads that many mothers will recognize. You may feel like you do not recognize yourself physically, emotionally, or psychologically. You may grieve your former life while simultaneously loving your new one. You may feel overwhelmed by a protectiveness so fierce it keeps you awake at night. You may lose interest in things that once defined you, or feel awful that you haven’t, as though motherhood was supposed to be all fulfilling. You may feel disconnected from your partner regardless of how much time you spend together. You may experience guilt for not feeling as happy as you believe you should.
You may also discover new capacities you did not know you had. A patience you never possessed before. A clarity about what matters and what does not. A depth of love that rewires your sense of purpose. Matrescence is not exclusively painful. It is a full-spectrum transformation, containing both loss and growth, grief and expansion, disorientation and discovery. The problem is not that it is hard. You can handle hard. The problem is that nobody told you it was coming.
How to navigate matrescence
There is no shortcut through matrescence because it is not a problem to be solved. It is a process to be lived. But there are things that make the passage less isolating and more intentional.
The first and most important step is education. Simply knowing that matrescence exists, that it is a recognized developmental process with a name, a history, and a growing body of research, reduces the shame and confusion that so many mothers carry. Share the word with the mothers in your life. Mention it to your partner. Bring it up with your healthcare provider. Every time the word is used, it becomes a little more real and a little harder to ignore.
The second is community. Matrescence is not meant to be navigated alone, and yet modern motherhood often isolates women precisely when they need connection most. Finding other mothers who are honest about their experience is one of the most protective factors against maternal mental health difficulties. This might be a local mothers’ group, an online community, or a structured support program designed for the transition to parenthood.
The third is professional support. Working with a therapist, coach, or counselor who understands matrescence as a developmental stage, not a pathology, can provide the space to process the identity shifts, the grief, the relational changes, and the emotional complexity without being rushed toward a diagnosis or dismissed as “just adjusting.” Approaches like Internal Family Systems (IFS), compassion-based therapy, and matrescence-informed coaching are particularly well-suited to this work because they honor the multiplicity of what mothers experience, the part that loves motherhood and the part that grieves, the part that feels strong and the part that feels lost, without forcing a single narrative.
The fourth is patience. Matrescence takes time. There is no timeline for “adjusting.” The cultural pressure to “go back to normal,” to your body before baby, your productivity before baby, and your relationship before baby, is not just unhelpful. It is antithetical to the process itself. You are not even going back. You are becoming someone new. That becoming deserves time, compassion, and respect.
You are not losing yourself, you are becoming
If you are reading this and something inside you is saying, “Finally, someone named it,” know that you are not alone. You are in the middle of one of the most complex and beautiful transformations a human being can undergo, and you deserve support that matches the magnitude of what is happening to you. As a psychologist, Mama Rising matrescence coach, and a mother who is navigating this passage herself, I work with mothers and couples who are ready to stop surviving parenthood and start understanding the transformation they are in. Whether you are in the early fog of new motherhood, years into a transition you never fully processed, or simply curious about what matrescence means for your life and relationships, I would love to connect. Visit my website or reach out at my email to book a free discovery call. Your transformation deserves a witness.
Did this spark your interest?
There is also such a thing as patrescence, the male equivalent of becoming a father. Read more about it here.
Read more from Markella Kaplani
Markella Kaplani, Parenthood & Relationship Coach & Psychologist
Markella Kaplani, M.A., is a multi-passionate, restless soul passionate about discovering the depths of the psyche and what makes us whole. In her quest to support people along their journey for better mental and emotional health, Markella is a dedicated lifelong learner. She holds an M.A. in Clinical-Counseling Psychology (M.A.), but also specializes in child psychology, special education, couple's therapy, and motherhood psychology, which provides her with a holistic perspective of the family system, both internally and externally. With her non-judgmental, culturally sensitive, and compassionate approach, she marries facts with each unique person's experience to create interventions that speak to their individuality.
