Unlock the Secrets of Charisma and Build Authentic Connections
- Feb 16, 2025
- 6 min read
Barbara Suigo is a charisma expert, HR consultant, and author. Specializing in the development of soft skills, she has published the "Charisma Trilogy" and offers personalized training and coaching programs for leaders and professionals.
Welcome to this space entirely dedicated to charisma, or personal magnetism. This is the first in a series of articles I will be publishing on Brainz, guiding you on the journey to discover your own personal charisma.
I want to share with you what I have learned in nearly ten years of studying and practically applying this fascinating discipline. I intend to do so in a direct and concrete style, so you can not only understand it but also immediately apply it to your life.
I have immersed myself in this subject with passion and dedication, testing every concept on myself and in everyday relationships to truly grasp the power of putting these tools into practice. That is why I want to tell you something important right away: for charisma to be authentic, it must be lived, tested, and, above all, trained.
Yes, because contrary to popular belief, charisma can be trained and grown over time.
In recent years, especially within English-speaking contexts, personal magnetism has been closely examined by various disciplines such as psychology and sociology. Research has confirmed this: charisma is a skill that can be cultivated, built on essential elements such as thought processes, behavior, posture, and the conscious use of communication techniques.
A few requests from you
I ask only a few things of you:
Set aside, at least for the time being, any preconceived notions you have about this subject.
If you have, so far, believed that charisma is an innate talent reserved for a select few, I invite you to start looking at it with fresh eyes.
Give yourself time to experiment
Like any skill, charisma requires practice, consistency, and a concrete commitment. It isn’t a trick or an illusion; it is a transformative ability that you can develop over time.
Do not rush your learning
Shortcuts, if they exist, are not effective in the long run. Confidence, patience, and perseverance are the indispensable elements that will accompany you on this deeply transformative journey.
Charm versus charisma: The difference that few know
Let us start with the basics. Very often, in fact in most cases, people tend to think that charm and charisma are the same thing. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Let us take a closer look at what they consist of and their fundamental differences.
Charm is a quality that makes a person pleasant, attractive, and interesting. It is often linked to physical appearance, the way one speaks, clothing, and the ability to capture attention either subtly or overtly. It can be temporary, sometimes superficial, and closely connected to the realm of appearances.
Charisma, on the other hand, is something entirely different. It is a vibration that emanates from within a person, independent of their physical appearance, but with an influential power that affects everyone around them, whether it is one person or a hundred.
And here we dismantle a major myth: charisma is not a gift reserved for a select few.
Its etymology links it to an ancient concept of a “gift of grace” or “divine favor” (from the Greek χάρισμα, chárisma). For centuries, this idea fueled the belief that charisma was an innate quality, a talent granted only to a few extraordinary individuals. But the reality is very different: charisma is not something you either have or do not have. It is something that develops over time, starting in youth, with practice and awareness, refining itself step by step.
It is shaped by observing charismatic people, drawing inspiration from effective behaviors, and adapting them to our own way of being. It is not about playing a role or following rigid patterns, but about finding an authentic way to express yourself, engage others, and create genuine connections.
Thus, charisma is not a matter of luck or genetic predisposition. It is the result of conscious choices, an open and curious attitude toward the world, and constant self-improvement. Anyone can cultivate it, if they choose to do so.
The art of being interested, not impressing
Among the many interpretations of charisma over the years, there is one that perfectly sums it up:"Charismatic people do not try to be interesting. They try to be interested."— Dale Carnegie
This quote encapsulates a fundamental principle: charisma is not about performance but about authentic connection. It is the ability to truly engage with others, see the world through their eyes, and welcome their perspective, not with judgment, but with genuine interest.
But what does it really mean to be interested? It is not just about asking questions or being polite; it is an attitude that requires presence, attention, and curiosity. Being interested means putting aside your own concerns for a moment and fully focusing your energy on the other person.
Think about how rare it is today to feel truly listened to. We live in an age where we are often distracted by our phones, our thoughts about what we will say next, or how we are coming across to others. Yet, those who can give their full attention, listen without interrupting, and ask questions with genuine curiosity stand out immediately. These people create a sense of warmth and make others feel valued.
Do you want to be more charismatic? Test your ability to connect
Before wrapping up this article, I want to propose an experiment. It is not just an exercise; it is a real magnifying glass on your ability to connect with others.
Think back to the last time you spoke with someone, perhaps a person you met for the first time. Do you remember the color of their eyes? Was there a detail that struck you, a particular accent, or a unique way of expressing themselves? If so, what was it?
Now, with all the honesty you can muster, ask yourself: were you really focused on the other person, or were you subconsciously trying to make a good impression? How much were you preoccupied with coming across as interesting rather than allowing the other person to be interesting in your eyes?
If your intention was to impress, you probably missed many details.
The exercise: Three levels of attention to improve your charisma
Basic level: Observe the physical details
The next time you talk to someone, focus on three visible elements:
The color of their eyes
The way they move or gesture
A distinctive detail in their clothing
This first phase helps train your observation skills and shifts your focus from yourself to the person in front of you.
Intermediate level: Listen with intention
When you are in conversation, challenge yourself to remember at least one specific thing the other person said. It could be a personal detail, an opinion, or an anecdote. Then, try to bring it up during the conversation with a sentence like:"You mentioned that you really enjoy traveling. What was the trip that left the biggest impression on you?"
This shows the other person that not only did you listen but that you are truly interested in what they shared.
Advanced level: Sense the unspoken emotions
This is the most complex level, but also the one that deepens your charisma the most. During a conversation, try to detect an emotion the other person is conveying, even if it is not expressed in words.
Observe:
Has the tone of their voice changed?
Is their body language in line with what they are saying?
Is there a moment when they seem more engaged or more reserved?
If you sense something, ask an open-ended question like:"It seems that this matters to you in a special way. Would you like to tell me more?"
This approach demonstrates empathy and deep connection, two key elements of true charisma.
Why does this exercise work?
Because it trains you to shift your focus from yourself to the other person, to listen actively, and to create an authentic connection. As we have seen, charisma is not about spectacle or stage presence but about attention and relationships.
Now it’s up to you: in your next conversation, try to notice more, listen better, and truly connect.
Charisma starts here.
Read more from Barbara Suigo
Barbara Suigo, Senior HR Consultant, Author, Charisma Expert
Born in Italy and naturalized as a French citizen, Barbara Suigo is an HR consultant, author, coach, and trainer specializing in the Art of Charisma. With solid experience in corporate communication and extensive training in NLP, persuasion, and storytelling techniques, she supports professionals and companies by offering personalized coaching, training programs, and in-depth content.
Barbara is the author of the Charisma Trilogy, a work that deeply explores how to develop and harness personal influence and leadership presence. She has also published other books focused on personal and professional growth, solidifying her role as a leader in the field of soft skills development.
