Trauma And The Tippy Canoe
Written by: Yvette Troyna, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Sometimes we must sit quietly and choose. Do we continue our personal growth path at any cost? Where do we draw the line between digging into the recesses of our mind’s trauma-ridden basements to heal, versus savoring the present’s sunlight? Simultaneously straddling both canoes isn’t feasible if you’re to maintain a solid mind, career, and relationships. Certainly not on a perpetual basis.
Perhaps this explains why folks who have it all together suddenly seem emotional and unstable. “The Starling,” starring Melissa McCarthy and Chris O’Dowd, shows a couple in grief. Maybe they started out trying to span the gap, with one foot in the trauma canoe and the other in the present canoe. Gulp. The haphazard canoe straddling scene unfolds. One is hospitalized, stuck in the past, while the other bumbles through, blocking grief. Excellent film, by the way.
What gives out first when life’s current rocks our notoriously tippy canoes…the pants or the tendons? Hopefully it’s the pants. But what if these are your only pants? So it is with the present. Sometimes in our bravest efforts to preserve our pants, we tear tendons. Other times, it’s reversed. Staying in the stinky basement of our mind can destroy what we’ve worked so hard to build in the present. Spouses find an engaging lover. Bosses replace befuddled employees. Mortgages remain due. Life is fraught with newness, and therein lies its wondrous beauty.
That’s precisely where I am today. In 2020 I’d barely surfaced from cancer, busily restoring my business to its former girth. Suddenly I lost my protective brother, my omnipresent spouse, and my father-figure mentor, as well as my successful company, bestie-manager, dream team, and my future retirement plans--which eventually led to leaving my home and community. All within nine months.
Funny thing about grief. It can flip your canoe like a hungry crocodile if you’ve got unresolved trauma packed away. I woke one morning to find my body refusing to function. It was my Day of Reckoning. I would not “fake it to make it” another day. I would not live the mantra, “no pain, no gain.” Nope. Surviving required pulling both feet out of the Present Canoe and deep diving into the ugly, bitter past, a tippy child abuse canoe I had dodged, which nearly took my life.
A year and fundamental change later, I found myself wildly bored and agitated by forced bedrest and harsh therapy sessions. Instead of befuddlement, my mind craved clarity. Food tasted good again. I felt like running instead of sleeping. Winter was over, and I was simply through delving deep into the hideous past. A day earlier, I wasn’t ready for the shift. When it happened, every cell in my body buzzed with Knowing.
Now to be clear, I did the work. I faced my tormentors, learned to parent my inner child, wept, raged, and mourned hefty loss, and the and only then was I famished. Hungry for life as a healthy woman in love with my new skillset and clear past. I was ready to ditch my trauma canoe. I was ready for the sun to shine once again. I wanted to live, which meant great things for my mental health.
And yet my physical health was precariously unstable.
This is the side effect of skirting around trauma. I was too busy with the present canoe. I pondered how to use the seasons as a guide. When to focus on Now, and when to dive deep into the chasm, should another blocked memory surface. I was still healing on the outside, but I knew I was safely stowed in the Present canoe. “But what if there’s more to face?” My inner child nervously asked. Always in the middle of the night, mind you. “I got this,” I soothed, meditating with my hands rested on my rising and falling belly. Next time I will be ready. My inner child requires it. “But how?” the midnight questions continue, a bit less frayed now that my confidence is palpable.
“I will tell my Lover that it’s winter again. Time to write, cry, take time off, ask for extra hugs and more compassion. I’ll take both feet for a brief trip in the Trauma Canoe, with the care of a specialist.” My inner child satisfied, I finally drifted off into fresh, real sleep.
It’s not my Lover’s job to be my therapist nor my target for rage; it’s his job to be my respectful, kind companion and intimate partner. I will ask him to keep our fire burning, because I am a seasoned guide for my inner child, who may need a bit more attention down the line. The difference is, I know how to embrace winter, because spring is right around the bend, and I’ll be back to bask in the present. What a rich reward for diving deep. I can honestly exclaim, “I got this!”
If you’ve been avoiding the deep dive, for fear of a crocodile tipping your canoe, I get it. Trauma runs rampant in the human experience, and once we wrangle it with loving insight and patience, trusting experts and communicating with our loved ones (especially the inner child we’re responsible for nurturing), wondrous life returns, and we can safely enjoy the scenery found in the Present. Give it a try today. I just know you’ll be glad you did.
Yvette Troyna, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Yvette is the founding director of Superpower School, a Benefit Company based in the Pacific Northwest. She teaches others to activate their strengths to love life again. Cape optional. You can read more about her work and offering at www.yvettetroyna.com where she offers tips and tricks to overcome the root causes of trauma, including abuse, addiction, and mental health.
