The Secret Struggle of High Achievers – Using Overwork, Overproductivity & Overpleasing to Mask Fear
- Brainz Magazine
- 4 days ago
- 5 min read
Written by Debora Gemmell, Leadership Life & Business Coach
Debora Gemmell is known as the mentor for people meant-for-more. She is the founder of Debora Gemmell Coaching and the author of Me, My Thoughts and I, a book of daily tips and tools. She also hosts signature workshops and webinars.
Awareness is the vital first step. Awareness is the cornerstone of everything we do, which is why I’ve chosen it as the focus of my first article, to create a strong starting point for you and me to move forward with intention. As you explore and expand your awareness, it begins to illuminate the direction ahead, guiding your choices and actions. You can have all the tips, tools, and solutions in the world, but without awareness, they serve little purpose. I have written this article to gently nudge your awareness, knowing that even the smallest shift can create meaningful change. I encourage you to read with an open heart, notice what sparks goosebumps, resistance, or unease, and then reread it.
Pro tip: Read once to know, twice to absorb, and three times to integrate.
Awake and sleepwalking
When I was a kid, I used to sleepwalk. I would run out to the living room, and my parents would ask, “Deb, what’s wrong?” I was asleep, yet somehow aware enough to know I shouldn't be standing in the living room, so I would silently turn around and go back to bed. Every time it happened, it stemmed from fear. Looking back now, I see that even then I was trying to run away.
As an adult, I kept doing the same thing, except I was wide awake. I didn’t like feeling uncomfortable, so I stayed busy. Always productive. Always doing. Always pleasing. I thought staying in motion would distract me from feeling anxiety, doubt, and worry. Unbeknownst to me, fear-patterned thinking was quietly running my personal and professional life.
Consider this: Have you ever felt the urge to stay busy to avoid?
The great escape
I had two speeds, fast or complete exhaustion, usually followed by getting sick. Still unaware, I tried to solve it by changing everything around me.
I changed jobs, thinking that was the problem.
I changed relationships, thinking that was the problem.
I moved homes multiple times, thinking that was the problem.
I blamed bosses, colleagues, family, and friends, thinking they were the problem.
I was always on the move. Despite all that movement, I was still unhappy and anxious. My career, relationships, travels, and financial goals, so carefully displayed on my vision board, were a smokescreen. I was trying to outrun the one thing impossible to escape, myself.
Consider this: Have you ever found yourself changing everything around you but still feeling unfulfilled?
The show must go on
Underneath it all, I believed I was not good enough. That belief quietly shaped everything I did. We can be remarkably clever in finding ways to support and operate within the limits of our beliefs. At the time, these patterns had me excelling in my corporate career, completely unaware of the cost to my well-being. As you read the following, do any of them resonate with you?
The schiever: Constantly striving for the highest of standards, fueled by a fear of failure, which results in indecision and repetition.
The producer: Doing so much all the time, believing that slowing down is a waste of time, but the truth is, you are drained.
The performer: Strives to excel and impress, often to mask underlying feelings of inadequacy. This zaps you of your time and energy.
The hero: You are always there for everyone else, yet find it hard to ask for help yourself.
From the outside, I looked confident, smart, capable, and strong. Inside, I was overwhelmed, frustrated, and exhausted, and I protected this secret at all costs. Trying to live two lives at once, the one I showed the world, and the one I hid, was unsustainable. And a little part of me knew this, and it was getting louder.
Consider this: Do you ever push yourself beyond your limits just to quiet your fear?
The big wake
In 2012, I hit the wall. Physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. Though this may not surprise you, it was a complete and utter shock to me! It was brutal, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I became painfully aware of what I had been doing and how I had been perceiving myself. I realized that productivity, perfectionism, achieving, and pleasing do not lead to peace, prosperity, confidence, or joy. In fact, it does the opposite and blocks them.
Today I believe and trust in me. I am courageous, smart, and capable, and I love to laugh. And I don’t have to prove it anymore. The wobbles still show up. And it’s okay. That’s part of being human and signals that I’m evolving. I AM progress, not perfection. I even have a tattoo on my arm to remind me.
Consider this: Have you ever had a moment where you were forced to stop and face the truth?
No matter what you achieve on the outside, something still feels off inside
When we change from the inside, our outside world cannot stay the same. In coaching, we call this Soul Goals, the internal beliefs, and stories we repeat until we finally notice what is happening. Soul goals are not about external achievements, tasks, people, or circumstances. They are about how we show up for ourselves. The moment we realize our old ways no longer serve us, everything begins to shift.
Consider this: When you become aware, consider that your invitation to act.
Courage for the win
The moment I mustered up courage and stopped running, everything shifted. Peace, confidence, and joy are not found in to-do lists, achievements, bank accounts, popularity, or perfection. They are found in how we show up for ourselves. The work begins inside, with awareness and courage. Then life begins to reflect it.
Whether you are corporate, creative, or a coach yourself, if you know you are meant for more and want to take inspired action to increase your confidence and turn your imposter syndrome into a strength, now is the time to start. You don’t have to do it alone. You can begin connecting with yourself, your courage, and your potential today. And muster up your own courage to ask for guidance.
Feeling a nudge? Book a coaching conversation today from your browser.
Debora’s new book, Me, My Thoughts and I, has hit the best-sellers list! Packed with thought-drops, practical tools, and tips, it’s designed to help reduce imposter syndrome and boost self-confidence. Order your copy here.
Read more Debora Gemmell
Debora Gemmell, Leadership Life & Business Coach
Debora Gemmell is the Mentor for People Meant for More, supporting professionals and coaches who feel held back by self-doubt and imposter syndrome. Her own journey from silent struggle to inner strength fuels her passion for helping others build confidence from the inside out. She founded Debora Gemmell Coaching, wrote Me, My Thoughts and I, and has twice been named one of Toronto’s Top 15 Coaches. Her message is powerful: “You don’t need fixing, you need freedom.”
