The Science of Letting Go and Why EMDR Works When Talk Therapy Doesn't
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 18
- 5 min read
Updated: Jun 19
Written by Daniela D Sota, Registered Psychotherapist
Daniela Sota is a psychotherapist in Toronto, Canada. She has been working in mental health for 20 years and primarily uses EMDR as a therapeutic modality.
Have you ever found yourself saying, "I understand intellectually why I shouldn't feel this way, but why can't I just stop feeling it?"
You're not alone. While valuable, insight doesn't always translate into emotional relief. And that's where many traditional talk therapies reach their limits. They help us explain our patterns, but often can't shift them. Enter EMDR: a neuroscience-based therapy that goes beyond talking and taps into the brain's natural capacity to heal.
The limits of talk therapy
Talk therapy has helped millions of people feel seen, heard, and understood. Whether it's Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) challenging distorted thoughts, Internal Family Systems (IFS) uncovering and harmonizing our inner parts, or Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) encouraging values-based living and psychological flexibility, traditional modalities offer critical tools. But despite the emotional catharsis and the clarity these therapies can bring, many clients reach a point where they don't move any further ahead. Despite meaningful insights and emotional breakthroughs, real change stalls.
This is because emotional wounds are stored in the nervous system, the parts of the brain that don't respond to insight alone: the netherworld of experience encoded as emotions and sensations.
Understanding the brain: Why insight isn't enough
When we experience something overwhelming, whether a major traumatic event or a series of more subtle but painful moments, the brain sometimes doesn't process the memory properly; it refuses to be filed away as "past." Instead of being stored as a memory, it stays active in the present, triggering emotional and physical reactions long after the event is over. This is why someone can say, "I know I'm safe now," while their body still reacts as if danger is imminent.
Traditional talk therapy works largely with the prefrontal cortex, the rational, thinking part of the brain. It engages explicit memory or what we can consciously recall: facts, events, and stories. The kinds of things we can talk about. This is the realm where talk therapy works best.
But trauma and the lingering pain of emotional wounds do not live in our explicit memory and conscious thoughts. They live in our implicit memory, which governs the unconscious impressions, body sensations, reflexes, and emotional responses we can't easily articulate. Operating beneath our awareness, it holds the emotional imprints, body reactions, and reflexive patterns shaped by past experiences. These are held in regions called the amygdala (the brain's fear and threat detection center) and the hippocampus (involved with memory and emotional regulation). To create lasting change, therapy must access these subcortical regions. These deeper brain structures don't respond to talk alone. Therapy will need to go beyond insight: into the body, into sensation, and into the emotional brain.
What is EMDR and how is it different?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a psychotherapy approach developed in the late 1980s. It was initially designed to alleviate the distress associated with traumatic memories, but it has since evolved into a powerful modality for a wide range of emotional and performance issues.
EMDR uses a structured eight-phase protocol. At its core is a unique component: bilateral stimulation. This typically involves making side-to-side eye movements, tapping, or listening to auditory tones in either ear while the client brings up a disturbing memory or feeling. This dual attention, holding both the memory and the sensory input, engages the brain's natural processing systems, allowing it to "digest" unprocessed material.
In addition, the activity of recalling a memory at the same time as performing the seemingly simple task of following the clinician's fingers or tapping alternate hands taxes the working memory. It is surprisingly difficult, like rubbing your belly and tapping your head at the same time. Concentrating on two tasks concurrently contributes to distressing memories losing their emotional charge. Limiting beliefs begin to dissolve, and new, adaptive insights emerge naturally, without having to "talk it out" endlessly.
The neuroscience behind EMDR
One of EMDR's most compelling aspects is how well it aligns with what we now understand about neurobiology. The process facilitates memory reconsolidation, where reactivated memories can be updated with new information and then re-stored in a less emotionally reactive form.
Research using neuroimaging has shown changes in brain activation patterns after EMDR, including reduced activity in the amygdala and increased connectivity between the emotional and rational parts of the brain. In essence, EMDR helps the brain to make sense of overwhelming experiences and restore balance. And most importantly, it specifically accesses the subcortical regions of the emotional brain.
When talking stops working
A client comes to therapy after a painful breakup. They've talked it through with multiple friends, multiple times. They've journaled about it. They understand the dynamics that led to the relationship ending. But each time they see their ex on social media or hear a song that reminds them of the relationship, their entire body reacts. Their heart races, their stomach knots, and shame floods their system.
Another example is a high-performing entrepreneur who struggles with public speaking. Despite coaching, preparation, and affirmations, they continue to freeze in front of an audience. EMDR can uncover and reprocess the earlier experiences (such as a humiliating grade school presentation, a critical parent, or a moment of feeling unsafe) that are wired into their fear response. With EMDR, the body learns it's no longer in danger, and the fear diminishes.
This isn't just about thoughts. It's a somatic response rooted in unresolved emotional memory. EMDR meets the body where it's at, not just the mind. By targeting the memory as it's stored in the brain and body, EMDR allows clients to release the emotional charge, so that triggers no longer hijack their nervous system.
EMDR isn't magic. It's science-based healing
To be clear, EMDR isn't a miracle cure. It still requires therapeutic skill, attunement with your therapist, and often hard emotional work. But it offers something that talk therapy alone cannot: access to the deeper neural circuits where stuck emotions live.
In over 40 randomized controlled trials, EMDR has been shown to be as effective, and often faster, than traditional therapies for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Organizations like the World Health Organization (WHO), American Psychological Association, Veterans Affairs Canada, US Department of Veterans Affairs, and International Society for Traumatic Stress Studies, among other reputable international and national organizations, recognize EMDR therapy as a gold standard for the treatment of PTSD. And its applications go well beyond that: it is used successfully for anxiety, depression, chronic pain, phobias, performance enhancement and more.
Letting go isn't a thought. It's a process
Letting go isn't about telling yourself to move on. It's about giving your brain and body the chance to fully process what happened, so it no longer needs to signal danger. EMDR offers a path forward when talking falls short: a way to engage the whole brain in healing, not just the thinking part.
For people who feel stuck in therapy despite insight and effort, or anyone whose body keeps reacting even when their mind "knows better", it might be time to try a therapy that goes deeper than words. EMDR doesn't just help you understand why you hurt. It helps you stop hurting.
Are you ready to move beyond what's been keeping you stuck in talk therapy? Visit here to learn more about how EMDR can help you get to where you want to get to.
Read more from Daniela D Sota
Daniela D Sota, Registered Psychotherapist
Daniela Sota is a passionate advocate for mental health, championing the idea that mental health IS health. With over 20 years of experience, she works with clients to bridge the gap between where they are and where they want to be, whether struggling, stuck, or thriving. Daniela’s extensive training in various psychotherapeutic modalities led her to Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), a neuroscience-based psychotherapeutic modality that has transformed her approach. She uses EMDR to help clients overcome many diverse issues, including trauma, anxiety, negative self-talk, relationship issues, and repetitive patterns, as well as to enhance performance in business, arts, and sports.
