The Emotional Toll of Caring and How Leaders in Service-Based Businesses Can Protect Their Energy
Written by Annette Densham, Chief Storyteller
Multi-award-winning PR specialist Annette Densham is considered the go-to for all things business storytelling, award submission writing, and assisting business leaders in establishing themselves as authorities in their field.
Running a service-based business is deeply personal. People who start and run these types of businesses begin by asking, “What is the solution to the problem I am seeing in the world?” Of course, running a product-based business comes with its own challenges and ups and downs, but there’s something uniquely emotional about serving others.
Every decision, challenge, and moment is tied to the lives of others, whether they are clients, your team, or the community you are trying to help. It can be the most rewarding thing you have ever done, and it can be the most exhausting thing you’ve ever done. It’s the type of work that gets under your skin and worms its way into your every thought, especially at 2 a.m., keeping you awake at night, tossing and turning over a problem like a dog with an old shoe.
While wins and successes can be a massive high, it’s the minutiae, and dealing with people and all that comes with that, that can hollow you out if you’re not careful.
Kerry Bolton, the founder of Caring Lotus, said there’s a big difference between the product-based business load and the service-based business load of a business owner. As the leader of a business that supports people with disabilities, there can be days when it feels like pushing a boulder uphill. There’s legislation and rules to adhere to, many different personality types, and the emotions that come with the type of work Caring Lotus does.
“If you are selling a product, customers can physically see what they’re paying for, a car, a phone, a meal, evaluate its quality, compare it to alternatives, and make a decision,” she said.
“As a service-based business, you’re asking people to trust you. You’re asking them to trust your expertise, team, and ability to deliver on something intangible. Whether it’s care, guidance, or support, your clients are relying on you to show up and meet their needs in a way that’s personal and intimate. That trust takes constant effort. People these days have high expectations and can see you not delivering as letting them down.”
That’s hard to swallow. A single bad experience can ripple out and impact your ability to attract and retain clients. Word of mouth is often the biggest marketing tool, which means every interaction, whether with a client or a potential client, matters.
Why self-care matters in service-based businesses
When we’re told to practice “self-care,” “work-life balance,” and “time management,” all those expectations and responsibilities can feel like a ton of bricks on our shoulders. “That can sound meaningless when you’re in the thick of questioning your sanity and how it would’ve been easier to start an Amazon product business instead of a service-based business,” Kerry said.
“The weight of knowing a decision could profoundly impact someone’s life, guilt that you’re not doing enough even when you’re running on empty, and the soul-crushing. It can be really tiring when you hold space for others’ struggles while ignoring your own.”
Burnout isn’t always as dramatic as having a physical breakdown or walking away; it can show up as the slow erosion of your passion. When your days become more about going through the motions, and you don’t remember how bright the spark that once drove you was. A service-based business can demand everything, and if you let it, it will take everything.
While there are plenty of resources you can tap into to protect yourself in a world that constantly asks for more, reigniting your passion starts and ends with you.
Kerry says you have to give yourself permission to disconnect. “Not just a one-week holiday once a year but building moments into your daily life where you can step back. Without guilt! Disconnecting doesn’t mean you are abandoning anyone by switching off your phone for a few hours or delegating a task. Every quarter I attend events with my business mentor, Aaron Sansoni. They give me space to focus on me and to work on the business, not just in it,” she said.
Think of these moments like charging your phone when it’s at 20%. If you keep pushing it until it hits zero, you are damaging the battery. Give yourself space to recharge so you can come back stronger.
Sometimes the price of entry into a service-based business is guilt, because you know you can’t help everyone, you don’t have enough time for your team, and you got a bit snappy at someone because you’ve worked 90 days straight. Kerry said guilt is heavy, and useless. “You can’t save everyone or fix everything. Accepting that doesn’t mean you care less, it means you’re human and that’s ok, because we all are,” she said.
Boundaries aren’t just country borders
Kerry said boundaries are useless if you don’t stick to them. “They’re not meant to shut people out, but to set up little rules to protect you. You do matter. Your health does matter. If you struggle to care for yourself, then start small. Make a deal with yourself to not answer emails after 8 p.m., or schedule the responses to go out the next day, or put aside time for one afternoon a week to focus on something you want to do or to work on the business rather than day-to-day problems,” Kerry said.
Kerry said it is hard when you lead a service-based business; it’s hard to turn off. There’s always something happening, or a fire that needs putting out, or staff that need you. “Because you are the problem-solver, decision-maker, mover and shaker, and all-knowing being who the people look to for answers. What happens when you need a break? A shoulder to cry on? Someone to vent to? Find someone you can trust to be your ‘person’. I have a few mentors that I can reach out to, who give me space to be more, not just the CEO or leader. It helps shift the weight I’m carrying. Switching is important for your survival and mental, physical, and spiritual well-being,” Kerry said.
There’s this unspoken myth in service-based work: the more you sacrifice, the more worthy you are. The best leaders don’t give everything, they give wisely. Smart leaders understand their energy is finite. It’s a valuable resource. You can’t give your best to others if you’re running on fumes.
Celebrate the wins, all of them
Kerry said it’s important to celebrate the wins. All of them. “I love being able to recognise our team. They work hard, so it is nice to give them a gift voucher or take them out to lunch to tell them they matter and are valued,” she said.
The to-do list is never going to end in a service-based business. The challenges aren’t going to magically stop, and the people you couldn’t help are still going to be there.
There’s no magic bullet that will remove these elements from your service-based business. Us humans are naturally wired to focus on the bad, it’s called negativity bias. We need it for survival and carry that evolutionary wiring every day, even though most of us aren’t facing life or death.
But it can stop us from seeing the good, as we pick at the bad like an old wound. While science can explain why we focus on the bad, it can also explain why we should celebrate our wins.
Kerry said celebrating all wins reminds us we’re on the right track. “Stopping to celebrate small victories like helping a client achieve a goal, or doing a great social post, or getting through a hard day, or hitting a tiny milestone, celebrating these gives a boost of those good chemicals that remind us that what we do matters.”
Annette Densham, Chief Storyteller Multi-award-winning PR specialist Annette Densham is considered the go-to for all things business storytelling, award submission writing, and assisting business leaders in establishing themselves as authorities in their field. She has shared her insights into storytelling, media, and business across Australia, UK, and the US speaking for Professional Speakers Association, Stevie Awards, Queensland Government, and many more. Three times winner of the Grand Stevie Award for Women in Business, gold Stevie International Business Award, and a finalist in Australian Small Business Champion awards, Annette audaciously challenges anyone in small business to cast aside modesty, embrace their genius and share their stories.
