The Day My Mother Couldn’t Stand Up and What Every Woman Needs to Know About Ageing Strong
- Brainz Magazine
- Nov 25
- 6 min read
Written by Nelum Dharmapriya, Doctor & Health Coach
Dr Nelum Dharmapriya is a Brisbane-based GP with a special interest in metabolic health, menopause, and lifestyle medicine. She combines 30 years of clinical experience with a personal passion for helping women thrive in midlife and beyond.
In early 2020, my parents and I travelled to India, a trip full of anticipation, culture, and long-overdue exploration. Our first stop was the Taj Mahal. The sunlight hit the marble like something divine, we took photos, wandered slowly, and marvelled at its impossible beauty. It was the kind of morning you hope will stay tucked inside your memory forever. And it will, but not for the reasons I expected.
The moment everything shifted
After our walk, my mother and I headed to the restroom. We separated into different cubicles, chatting through the partition. Moments later, as I stood washing my hands, I heard her call my name. The tone stopped me cold. Not casual. Not curious. Urgent.
I pushed open her door and found her in a deep squat, unable to stand. Her legs simply couldn’t generate enough strength to lift her. There was nothing to hold onto, smooth tiled walls, a floor she couldn’t brace against, and no way forward without help.
Her eyes met mine, filled with a mix of fear, embarrassment, and frustration.
I wrapped my arms under hers and lifted her upright. My hands shook, not because the effort was enormous but because the meaning of the moment was.
All I could think was, "What if I hadn’t been there?"
A confusing truth about being active
What shocked me most was this. At 76, my mother had been exercising regularly for 25 years. She’d been doing water aerobics. She’d been attending group fitness classes. She walked every day. She was exactly the kind of woman who believed she was doing what her body needed to age well. And yet, in that moment, her body failed her in a way that mattered deeply. She couldn’t stand up from the floor without help.
That day, I realised a critical truth most women never hear from their doctors, trainers, or health culture. What we truly need to age well isn’t just movement but real strength.
The unseen slow decline
From our 30s onward, something invisible begins happening inside our bodies. We start losing muscle. Slowly at first, then faster. Research shows a decline of 3 to 8 percent per decade, accelerating dramatically after menopause. By our 80s, as much as 40 percent of our muscle mass may be gone.
This is called sarcopenia, and at first it whispers, taking away power, balance, and stamina before we even notice. But here is the hopeful truth. Ageing doesn’t cause sarcopenia. Inactivity does. And inactivity doesn’t always mean sitting still. It often looks like years of movement that never includes strength.
The science that changed my understanding
Longevity researcher and orthopaedic surgeon Dr Vonda Wright offers one of the most powerful insights I have ever encountered. Her MRI studies compare the thigh muscles of:
a 40 year old triathlete
a 74 year old sedentary man
a 70 year old triathlete
The contrast is astonishing. The 40 year old and the 70 year old triathletes have full, dense, youthful-looking muscle, with minimal fat infiltration. Their thighs are surrounded by slim rings of subcutaneous fat, but rich, functional muscle fills the space inside.
But the 74 year old sedentary man’s scan shows something entirely different.
shrinking muscle
large pockets of adipose fat infiltrating the muscle tissue
a dramatic decline in muscle quality and function
The striking part is not the age difference, it is the training difference.
Despite being nearly the same age, the 70 year old athlete’s muscles look decades younger than the sedentary 74 year old’s. And the sedentary man’s muscles look decades older than both. This image proves one thing. Ageing itself does not destroy our muscles. Inactivity does. It dismantles one of the biggest myths of midlife, that muscle loss is inevitable or irreversible.
In reality, muscle responds beautifully to training at any age. And the choices we make in our 40s, 50s, 60s, and 70s determine our strength, mobility, and independence far more than our biological age. This visual is a reminder, almost a warning, that the body adapts to what we ask of it. If we challenge it, it stays capable. If we neglect it, we pay the price in frailty and loss of function.
For women in midlife, it is one of the strongest arguments ever made for strength training, carrying load, and building muscle as a foundation for ageing strong.
The one form of exercise women aren’t told about
Women over 40 are often encouraged to focus on cardio, walking, yoga, stretching, or Pilates. All wonderful, all beneficial, but none capable of preventing muscle loss.
The only intervention proven to preserve muscle, improve muscle quality, strengthen bone, enhance metabolism, and maintain independence is:
Strength training.
Real strength training.
Not light weights. Not toning. Not high rep sculpting workouts. But deliberate, progressive resistance.
Dr Wright’s recommendation is simple yet powerful. Lift heavy at least twice a week. Choose four major lifts. Do four strong reps to failure. Train the large muscle groups. This type of training builds fast twitch muscle fibres, the ones we lose the fastest and the ones most essential for preventing falls and frailty.
Your bones need strength too
Muscle and bone talk to each other. Every time your muscles contract against resistance, they tug on bone, triggering it to maintain or even increase density.
This is why women who lift weights have:
lower fracture risk
stronger hips and spine
better balance
healthier joints
preserved mobility well into older age
Walking, yoga, or cardio cannot replicate the bone building signal of lifting something heavy. Bone responds to load, and only strength training provides enough of it.
The squat test that predicts independence
One of the most significant functional indicators of healthy ageing is the ability to squat and to rise from that squat without help. Squatting keeps your hips open, knees engaged, ankles mobile, spine strong, and core activated.
It trains the exact movement we need to:
get off the floor
stand from a chair
maintain balance
stay mobile and independent
The day my mother couldn’t stand up from a squat wasn’t just a moment of difficulty. It was a preview, a glimpse into what happens when muscle loss quietly accumulates for decades.
Ageing strong is a choice, starting now
My mother’s moment on that bathroom floor changed the course of my work and my understanding of what women truly need to age well.
We are not fragile. We are not destined for decline. We are not at the mercy of ageing. We are powerful. We can build strength at any age. We can protect our independence with intention.
And the body we will live in at 70 or 80, This is the body we begin building today. Strength training isn’t optional self care. It is the foundation of long term autonomy.
You don’t have to build strength alone
If there is one message I hope stays with you, it is this. Ageing strongly is completely possible, and it is never too late to begin. Whether you are rebuilding lost muscle, improving your balance, strengthening your bones, or learning how to move with more confidence in your 40s, 50s, and beyond, you do not have to navigate this journey on your own.
If you would like personalised guidance on how to rebuild muscle safely and effectively, strengthen your bones through the right type of training, improve balance, cardiovascular fitness, and everyday functionality, or simply feel strong again in your own body, I invite you to book a free discovery call with me.
Together, we will explore where you are now, what your body needs, and how you can move forward with clarity, support, and confidence. You are also warmly welcome in our Whole Food Revolution Community, a growing circle of midlife women who are learning, lifting, stretching, celebrating, falling down, and getting back up again together.
Because when you surround yourself with women who understand the journey, everything becomes easier, and the wins feel bigger. If you would like ongoing support and inspiration, you can subscribe to our YouTube channel, where we share practical tips on muscle building, metabolic fitness, movement, hormones, and the science of ageing well.
Your health is not a luxury. Your strength is not optional. And your future mobility, confidence, and vitality are worth investing in today. Because you are capable of becoming stronger at every age, starting right now.
Three pull-quotes for Brainz
“My mother wasn’t weak because she aged. She was weak because no one told her to lift.”
“Movement keeps you alive. Strength keeps you independent.”
“Ageing well is not about doing more. It’s about doing what your body truly needs.”
Read more from Nelum Dharmapriya
Nelum Dharmapriya, Doctor & Health Coach
Dr Nelum Dharmapriya is a Brisbane-based GP with 30 years’ experience in women’s health and metabolic wellbeing. Founder of Whole Food Revolution, she empowers women 40+ to reclaim energy and confidence through the three pillars of science, lifestyle, and mindset.
