The Better Than Principle – 3 Simple Steps to Lasting Change
- Brainz Magazine
- Nov 11
- 7 min read
Updated: Nov 13
Dr. LJ Rose is an international expert in mind dynamics, psychology, and alternative healing modalities. Author of eight self-help books, she is the founder of the Natural Wellness Academy, offering professional online coaching certification and one-on-one mentoring in niche wellness careers since 2013.
While the prospect of self-improvement might seem overwhelming, what if you could initiate positive change and improve yourself incrementally without feeling like you’re pushing a boulder up a hill? I’ve been a specialist in the subconscious mind for 35 years. Something that I have personally learned and professionally “preached” is that change is a process, not an event. Once you understand that you can move gradually along the change continuum, rather than expect an unrealistic 180-degree turnaround, you embark on a transformational journey.
Change is indeed hard, not only because of the supremacy of the subconscious mind in the battle of the wills, but also because we are hardwired to stay stuck due to many factors. By the time we reach 13 years of age, most of our beliefs and attitudinal patterns have been set in place, deep in the recesses of the subconscious mind.
This is our programming, which compels behavior beyond our conscious awareness. Through repetitive thoughts, feelings, and experiences, our neurochemistry deepens the grooves in the brain, making behaviors even more entrenched and resistant to change. Willpower, which we attempt to activate when we desire change, resides in the part of the mind (conscious) that is 6-7 times weaker than the power of our programming (subconscious). This is why so many of our best self-improvement intentions fail after a few weeks or even just a few days.
One of my favorite TV series finales, The Affair, spoke powerfully about change.
Joanie laments her chaotic childhood and fears she inherited her mother’s dysfunction. The series protagonist, Noah, reminds her that she also inherited her mother’s resilience and determination to be better.
"She's one of the only people I've met in my whole life who actually managed to change. Do you know how difficult that is, how few people actually achieve it? Change is hard. It takes a long time. Sometimes more than a lifetime."
The continuum from your usual self to your best self
Our idealized future self would likely be someone accomplished, someone who has achieved certain goals and milestones. Because they have likely met and overcome challenges along the way, they have built resilience and attained a healthy sense of self-worth. Whether your best self enjoys a fit, attractive physique, radiates well-being and high self-esteem, is financially secure, admired and praised for their achievements, or is a respected leader in their chosen field, they have gotten there by developing a series of proactive behaviors that support their goals. These are usually referred to as good habits.
Change is challenging, and habits are hard to change. That’s because what we do habitually is deeply wired into our brains and nervous systems. And it is human nature to put up tremendous resistance to change. That’s why forcing oneself to be different can often feel insurmountable. Where we live in the present moment is our “usual self”, struggling to be better, feel better, do better, but always coming up against the internal resistance, entropy, and homeostatic nature of the human mind and brain.
The Better Than Principle
The Better Than Principle is designed to move you along the continuum of your usual self towards your best self, yet honoring all the little stops along the way. It simply asks that you choose one thing every day to do that is better than how your usual self operates.
This is known as a micro-shift. A micro-shift activates neuroplasticity, the brain’s ability to rewire itself, through repeated, low-resistance actions to incrementally restructure thought patterns and emotional responses and transform with greater sustainability.
There’s a chart below with ideas, but it can be as simple as scheduling in more play time with your kids, taking a walk, or reading a chapter or two in a book. Something that you don’t normally do. Think about it the night before or let it come up as your day evolves.
Kevin Michel, a prolific and brilliant writer on change and the power of the subconscious mind, suggests that “small shifts in initial starting points can lead to dramatic changes in the end result.[2] Small shifts in your thinking and small shifts in your energy can lead to massive changes in the end results.”
James Clear, author of the groundbreaking book Atomic Habits, advocates for the idea of incremental change, or micro shifts, “tiny changes, remarkable results.”[1]
Change in a simple 3-step process
1. Choose
Either the night before or when you wake up, think about your day. What can you do that goes beyond your “usual” behavior? What is one simple act that can add value to your day and, when evaluated, would make you feel “better than usual”? Either choose from the chart provided or be creative from day to day so that you have something to look forward to. Don’t be overly ambitious – take things in increments or micro-doses because the moment it feels like “too much work,” resistance tends to rear its ugly head.
2. Complete
Simply do it! Perform that action, and then you are done with that step. If you are one who prefers to “go with the flow,” see how your day evolves and what opportunity presents itself to be better.
3. Contemplate
This is the nighttime assessment, the culmination of this easy-to-implement practice. Either within your nighttime preparation ritual or in bed before you fall asleep, review that action. Tell yourself what it felt like, being better. Be complimentary to yourself (as opposed to the way we often beat ourselves up for “not doing enough.) Tell yourself the story about what you did and how it made you feel. Journal if you’d like. I usually just replay it in my mind and cheer myself on.
You can do the same thing every day, ingraining a habit through repetition, or a variety of acts, changing daily. There is no hard and fast rule. And if you’d like to document your daily choices and how they make you feel, download our daily tracking worksheet here.
Learn the simple, yet effective 20-breath technique here.
Forgiveness info and technique here.
I love me more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow
The secret sauce is in the Nighttime Assessment.
The Contemplate (Step 3), aka Nighttime Assessment, is your “feel good” time. It is the laboratory where you are concocting whole new chemical and behavioral support systems that will empower the next day, and every day thereafter. In these re-telling, re-living, pat-yourself-on-the-back moments, the neurotransmitter dopamine, which is the main pleasure chemical in the brain, is released, and you start to feel great and think more clearly. Per Michel, “Any behavior engaged while dopamine flows through the brain is likely to be repeated, and the connection of neurons (brain cells) that triggered the behavior becomes stronger.”
A study done in 2009 found that people who have a poor self-image benefit far more from self-evaluation than from the repetition of positive affirmations.[5] People with negative self-views often discount success and accept failure, so utilizing blanket affirmations is ineffective in building self-esteem. On the other hand, self-esteem is boosted by the evaluation of oneself as competent and effective. The Nighttime Assessment can be a potent tool for proactively shifting one’s self-concept.
As a therapist, I am always inspired by stories about how people turned their lives around, marveling at how they created a better mindset and continued to follow through to pick themselves up after a failure or disaster. Mel Robbins, the best-selling self-help author and podcaster, described in The Let Them Theory, A Life Changing Tool, how, after suffering a financial collapse that overloaded her family with debt, she spent a long time feeling paralyzed and unable to sustain any reasonable action.[3] One morning, she decided that she would count backwards from 5 to 1 and get herself up and moving the moment she hit number 1. She made that a non-negotiable practice until it became a habit -- and her subsequent success story illustrates how even that one change became exponential.
I can imagine the author in those first few days and weeks, How she might review her day as she prepared for bed and acknowledging how she had gotten herself up and moving, in spite of the weighty inertia, how she might, in review, feel good about her choices (as she should!), and how all of those moments incrementally linked together to give her a decisive victory over paralysis and entropy, and guided her to a whole new perspective of self.
Pushing past resistance
The other formidable foe to change is our own inner landscape, populated by a bunch of subpersonalities that contribute to our resistance. Our self-talk is a running commentary of thoughts and feelings, often negative or critical, formed by deeply rooted belief systems and upbringing. The intention of the Inner Critic may be to protect us, but it’s usually running a program that undermines our self-esteem and belief in our ability to change.
Even as you enact your “Better Than Principle” daily act of improvement and review it at night, it’s not uncommon to feel that tug, as an internal attempt to sabotage you. This is also another benefit of the Nighttime Assessment. The more you tell yourself the good stories, recount your positive actions, and flood your mind with the feeling of accomplishment, the less hold those inner saboteurs will have over you.[4]
Keep at it. In fact, you may find yourself doubling up on your Better Than actions. And then you have that much more ammo against resistance!
Remember, incremental changes will lead to exponential growth.
Let me know how the Better Than Principle works for you or for your clients! There was so much to encapsulate into this brief article, but the full book will be out in 2026. If you are fascinated with the subconscious mind and how to empower yourself and others, consider our dual certification Mind Dynamics Life Coach from the Natural Wellness Academy, a cutting-edge program that will also certify you as a hypnotherapist to help build positive, life-affirming habits as well as train you in neuroanatomy, neuroplasticity, and neuroscience.
Read more from Dr. LJ Rose
Dr. LJ Rose, Therapist, Author, Professional Speaker
LindaJoy Rose, Ph.D., is the founder of the Natural Wellness Academy, established in 2013, training mind/body/spirit wellness coaches in 40+ countries. The author of eight self-help books, including Your Mind: The Owner’s Manual, Dr. LJ is a pioneer in the worldwide training of hypnotherapy, subconscious dynamics, Jungian archetypes, and healthy lifestyle hacks.
References:
[1] Clear, James. Atomic Habits, 2018 Penguin Random House
[2] Michel, Kevin L. Moving Between Parallel Worlds, 2013 Michel Leadership
[3] Robbins, Mel, The Let Them Theory, 2024 Hay House Inc.
[4] Rose, Ph.D., LindaJoy A Year of Positive Habits: The 21-day secret…., 2004 Quantum Mind Press – Download your free copy here.
[5] Wood et al. Psychological Science Magazine 2009 Volume 20 Issue 7 “Positive Self-Statements: Power for Some, Peril for Others”
