Tell Me Who You Are, Not What You Do
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 20
- 5 min read
Heidi Richards Mooney is a dynamic professional speaker, celebrated author, seasoned entrepreneur, and Senior Executive Contributor dedicated to empowering individuals and businesses to succeed. As a past president of the Florida Speakers Association, she has inspired countless audiences with her expertise in PR, internet marketing, and brand elevation.
We’ve all been there, standing at a networking event, shaking hands, and trading the same scripted question: “So, what do you do?”
Introductions often begin with job titles and LinkedIn-ready elevator pitches, but it’s easy to forget that we are more than our resumes. Yet, when we meet someone new and ask, “What do you do?” we usually receive a predictable, rehearsed response. The conversation remains surface-level, with a transactional connection.
It’s automatic. Comfortable. Polite. But also limiting.
That question narrows a person’s identity to a job title or career label. It puts us in boxes and leaves little room for personality, purpose, or passion. What if instead of asking what someone does, we asked who they are?
Imagine the shift: You meet someone new and say,
“Tell me who you are.”
Suddenly, the conversation becomes more than transactional; it becomes transformational.
You invite someone to speak from the heart, not the résumé. To share what drives them, excites them, and grounds them. And in return, you get a glimpse of their true essence, their story, not just their script.
In a world that values productivity over presence and titles over truth, asking who someone is has become a radical act of connection. This article explores how changing the questions we ask can open the door to deeper relationships, more authentic networking, and conversations that actually mean something.
Because people are not positions. They are stories. Dreams. Curiosities.
And sometimes, they just need the right invitation to share them.
“Tell me who you are.”
These six words open the door to a richer, more human connection. They invite someone to speak from the heart, not just the head, to share their passions, values, and personality, not just their profession.
Why it matters
When we lead with labels like “marketer,” “teacher,” or “entrepreneur,” we box ourselves into roles. But people are multidimensional. We are creatives, parents, adventurers, caregivers, survivors, and dreamers.
And when someone asks us who we are beyond our business card, it signals genuine interest. It says, I see you as a person, not a position.
For relationship building, networking, and authentic communication, this approach is a game-changer.
Real-world examples
Networking event shift
Instead of “So, what do you do?” try:
“I’d love to hear what lights you up outside of work.”
Response: “Oh! I volunteer with animal rescues on weekends and recently took up pottery; it’s been a wonderful creative outlet.”
Business introductions that go deeper
Meeting a new colleague? Try:
“Tell me more about who you are and what matters most to you right now.”
Response: “I’m someone who thrives on learning. I’m working on mindfulness and being present. I love mentoring younger team members; it fills my cup.”
Personal conversations that build trust
Asking a friend or acquaintance:
“What’s something about you most people don’t know but you wish they did?” Response: “I’ve always dreamed of writing a novel, but I rarely say that out loud.”
These answers create space for shared humanity and storytelling, not just status updates.
Tips to lead deeper conversations
Here are some gentle, open-ended ways to invite people to share more of who they are:
1. Ask identity-based questions
“What are you passionate about?”
“What kind of work would you do even if you weren’t paid?”
“What’s something you’re really proud of, big or small?”
“Who are you when you’re not in work mode?”
“What’s something that brings you joy lately?”
2. Practice reflective listening
Don’t just ask, listen. When someone opens up, acknowledge it. You might say, “That’s really interesting, I can see how much that means to you.”
This encourages them to keep going.
3. Share something first
Vulnerability invites vulnerability. Offer a glimpse of who you are:
“For me, I’m someone who thrives on connection. I love learning people’s stories and discovering what lights them up.”
4. Be curious, not interrogative
Avoid rapid-fire questions. Let the conversation breathe. Think of it as inviting a story, not collecting data.
5. Follow up with “tell me more”
When someone shares something personal, follow up with:
“That’s beautiful, tell me more about how that started.” or
“What does that mean to you?”
When you shift the question, you shift the connection
Leading with “Tell me who you are” instead of “What do you do?” helps people feel seen, not sized up. It’s not about disregarding what someone does for work; it’s about widening the lens to see the person behind the position.
When you connect with someone’s why, you build rapport rooted in authenticity. And that’s the foundation of trust, collaboration, and meaningful relationships both in business and in life.
The question that changes everything
We so often focus on job titles, business cards, and social profiles that it’s easy to forget that we are human beings, not just human doings. When you ask someone, “Tell me who you are,” you give them permission to take off the mask, step out of the box, and show up as their whole self.
You might meet a lawyer who moonlights as a jazz musician. A marketing executive who rescues stray cats. A teacher who dreams of climbing Mount Kilimanjaro. You’ll learn that people are far more fascinating, layered, and beautifully unpredictable than any title could ever express.
So here’s your challenge
At your next event, skip the small talk and toss the tired “What do you do?” Instead, try:
“Tell me who you are.”
Say it with genuine interest and curiosity. Listen with presence. Watch the magic unfold because the best connections don’t come from knowing what someone does.
They come from discovering who someone is.
Start the conversation differently, and you just might change everything. And you never know, by opening that door for someone else, you just might rediscover who you are, too.
P.S. Who am I: I’m a connector at heart, a storyteller who believes that every woman has a voice worth sharing and a journey worth celebrating. I love reading and writing, getting lost in new places, and soaking up the beauty of nature, especially when it involves flowers blooming in unexpected places. My greatest joy comes from spending time with my grandchildren, holding a good book in hand, or simply walking among the trees and embracing the beauty of life unfolding.
Read more from Heidi Richards Mooney
Heidi Richards Mooney, Author, Coach & Entrepreneur
Heidi Richards Mooney is a dynamic professional speaker, celebrated author, seasoned entrepreneur, and Senior Executive Contributor dedicated to empowering individuals and businesses to succeed. As a past president of the Florida Speakers Association, she has inspired countless audiences with her expertise in PR, internet marketing, and brand elevation.
A small business owner and PR strategist, Heidi specializes in helping clients amplify their online presence, craft compelling narratives, and achieve measurable results. She empowers her clients to get their websites and online profiles noticed by leveraging innovative Public Relations campaigns, capitalizing on achievements to secure media attention, and building a consistent and influential brand voice.
