Starting Over Gently – My Daily Practice for Change
- Brainz Magazine
- 2 days ago
- 5 min read
Written by Dr. Kim Dang, Transformation Coach
Dr. Kim Dang is renowned as a transformative coach in the field of personal development. She is the founder of the Art of Starting Over, a premier coaching program, and a strong advocate for unlocking individual potential.
For years, I lived with the belief that radical change required a crisis. If the universe didn’t show up with a metaphorical sledgehammer, I rarely budged. I waited for things to get so dire, so unbearable, that I had no choice but to leap into something new. My changes looked dramatic, a new job, ending a relationship, and moving to another city. Each time, I believed this break would finally free me from whatever invisible cage I found myself in.
I know now that this approach, change by force or collapse, isn’t the only way. In fact, it's the slowest way to genuine freedom. Real change, the kind that leaves you lighter, more alive, and anchored in who you truly are, does not require an existential meltdown. It doesn’t require that anything “falls apart” at all.
The myth of the external reset
Most people equate starting over with external resets. They imagine that the doorway to a new self swings open only after a major event, a new job, home, relationship, or, on a smaller scale, new habits, a fresh wardrobe, or a fancy car. But those are just symbols of a deeper process. The true reset always starts quietly, even invisibly, inside.
The real reset is born in the quiet moment when you admit to yourself, “I feel stuck. Something needs to shift.” It's a sensation, a kind of inner pressure, more than an event. Recognizing that something has grown stagnant is the truth that opens the door, not the change of scenery or circumstance.
Why we get stuck, and the problem with old identities
If you’ve lived through countless cycles of resolutions, pledging “this time I’ll stick with it” to a new routine, diet, or self-help regimen, only to find yourself right back in old patterns, you’re not alone. What blocks change is rarely our willingness. Most of us desperately want change. The resistance is deeper and less logical. We are fiercely attached to our old identities because they grant a sense of safety, visibility, and certainty.
Our old identities are survival codes. They form in childhood through family dynamics, social pressures, and survival needs. Even when they no longer serve us, we cling to the familiar feeling of being who we used to be, a collection of expectations, roles, and repeated patterns. We unconsciously seek to be “safe” (from harm or risk), to be “entertained” (not bored), “seen” (recognized and validated), and “certain” (about the future and our place in it, including social circles). Whatever our behavior is, we always seek to cover our basic human needs, safety, variety, significance, and connection or love.
When life delivers a shattering blow, a breakup, job loss, or health scare, these old identities can crack. For a moment, the need to stay safe, entertained, seen, and certain falls away, and something more essential emerges. In those cracks, we glimpse our deeper intelligence, the truth-filled part of us that knows how to rebuild from authenticity, not fear. Yet the question persists, “Must life fall apart before that inner wisdom is heard?”
Learning to softly attach and use the momentum of change
Over time, I discovered another path to change, one that doesn’t demand crisis or collapse but allows for gentle, continuous evolution. I call this “soft steering,” a way to start over daily without drama or force.
Instead of waiting for disaster, I began to notice the subtle signals of restlessness or tightness in my day. When I felt that internal squeeze, I practiced pausing, an intentional, compassionate break in whatever I was doing. This was usually a minute or two of unplugging, breathing, and letting myself fully experience the discomfort or boredom. It wasn’t about fixing anything, it was about making space to notice what needed attention.
Little by little, I made peace with the act of resetting. Instead of resisting the need for change or feeling annoyed by my own inconsistency, I made a habit of seeing every reset as an encounter with possibility, not evidence of failure. It’s like snowboarding, each time I fell, I learned how to catch the next slope instead of judging myself for not getting it right.
Momentum was the natural result. Change stopped being a series of forced leaps and became a cycle of gentle pivots. The “big reset” shrank down into tiny moments, a quick walk between Zoom calls, five deep breaths before responding to an email, a silent “what do I really need right now?” check-in. These micro-resets allowed me to course-correct before disaster struck. Starting over became second nature, a daily practice rather than a rare emergency.
The process of inner starting over
Starting over, as I teach it now, is less about fighting what ended and more about meeting what is. It's about becoming skillful at holding steady as old forms dissolve, whether that's a belief, a habit, or a relationship dynamic, and trusting the quiet pulse of what’s next.
I guide others through this process in eight-week cycles, helping people navigate the emotional, mental, and energetic shifts that true change requires. The steps are deceptively simple:
Notice the stuckness: Pause when things feel tight, resistant, or repetitive. This is your body and mind signaling it’s time to pivot.
Hold steady, dissolve resistance: Instead of trying to “fix” the discomfort, breathe into it. Stay present with what’s unraveling. Often, resistance melts when it’s met with compassion, not control.
Follow the quiet pulse of next: Listen for the smallest whisper of curiosity or desire. What are you drawn toward? What feels a little lighter?
Micro-breaks, every day: Treat every small reset as practice. Take breaks not because you crashed, but as a way to keep the engine of your life humming with steadiness and joy.
The result is profound, though outwardly subtle, renewed clarity, grounded confidence, and a sense of inner “rightness.” Life begins to match who you are now, not who you used to be. You don’t have to wait for a catastrophe, nor do you have to settle for living on autopilot. Breaking free from the pull of the old identity happens step by gentle step, moment by moment, each time you allow yourself to start over.
Living in continuous creation
This approach to starting over doesn’t turn heads immediately, but it is deeply freeing and sustainable. It destroys the notion that your life must collapse before you’re allowed to reinvent it. It saves endless cycles of self-blame and replaces them with curiosity and kindness. Most importantly, it reveals that change is less about becoming someone new and more about allowing yourself to step into your true nature, every step of the way.
If you only take one thing from this, let the act of pausing, of soft-resetting in ordinary moments, become your superpower. It’s not about doing everything perfectly but about continuously returning to the pulse of what is true now. Over time, the small resets become a river of momentum, carrying you gently yet persistently toward a bright, authentic life.
Read more from Dr. Kim Dang
Dr. Kim Dang, Transformation Coach
Dr. Kim Dang is a notable figure in the realm of transformative coaching and personal development. As the founder of the Art of Starting Over, a premier coaching program, she stands as a strong advocate for unlocking individual potential. Her diverse journey across various disciplines, from academia to the creative arts, enriches her unique approach to guiding others toward fulfilling futures. With her company, Dark Runner, she is dedicated to celebrating unique human stories and fostering authentic connections.
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