Resolving Relationship Triggers
- Brainz Magazine
- Mar 14, 2022
- 4 min read
Written by: Wanda Gibbons, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Everyone knows about relationship triggers, but few people talk about how to resolve them. I would think that most, if not all, people have experienced some trigger at least once in their lifetime. Every relationship, whether with our partner, family, co-worker, friend, casual acquaintance or even a chance meeting, is an opportunity to learn, grow, and create a greater expression of ourselves. Every trigger we have with a person, big or small, is a gift!
You may be asking right now, how can that be a gift?
It's a gift because it allows us to look within ourselves and see what core emotional wound we have that requires healing. What learned behaviour is seeking to change. Triggers are never about the other person. They are actually about us. Its essential to look at where the core trigger is coming from and notice how we perceive it. One way to create a more peaceful and harmonious relationship with others and ourselves is to dismantle these triggers.
When I learned how to dismantle and resolve my triggers, I felt incredible freedom, which has created more ease for myself and others.
Usually, we develop triggers when we are much younger. Perhaps you weren't acknowledged or listened to when you were a child, and as an adult, you get enraged when someone seemingly does not listen to you.
Another common reason we may have a trigger is not creating healthy boundaries. We find ourselves doing things out of obligation instead of from the heart and genuinely wanting to do the task, which can cause resentment and break down a relationship. We may even sacrifice our own needs and desires so someone else can be happy while disregarding our well-being. In this case and on a deeper level, we aren't angry at the other person; we are mad at ourselves because we allow it to happen, and we are not connecting with our inner knowing that knows what's best for us.
When we discover the core trigger, it's important not to go into judgement or criticize ourselves. Beating ourselves up for something we weren't previously aware of is not beneficial. Life is about discovering our disempowering thoughts and behaviours and then making a conscious choice to choose differently. Respond instead of reacting.
Discovering our triggers requires some personal reflection from an observer's point of view. We can ask ourselves, what is the real reason for this trigger? When or where did I feel triggered like this when I was young? What can I do differently in this situation to create more ease and joy in my life? What would I genuinely love if I allowed myself the freedom to choose differently? I have found it beneficial to ask questions and then let the answers show up without analyzing or needing to "figure" it out. It's incredible how the Universe assists us with the solutions if we stay out of judgement, stop trying to control the situation or blame others for our misfortune, but instead step back and become an observer.
Another essential part of healing our emotional wounds is sending blessings. Blessings are a form of forgiveness towards others and ourselves. Some people may resist this step to resolve triggers but do your best to remain curious and open. There is great power in blessing the people that frustrate, irritate or anger you, and you don't have to be religious or believe in a higher power to get your results. The first thing that usually pops into our minds is that we feel they do not deserve our blessings but consider this: you are doing this more to have greater peace within yourself and your life. As long as they rent space in your mind, you will never be free. To be free, you must forgive them and yourself. When we look deeper into a trigger, it all comes back to being angry with ourselves for allowing this situation to happen. The next time you feel triggered by someone, I invite you to send that person blessings multiple times every day. After three weeks or sooner, you will see a noticeable difference in having more inner peace. Continue to practice this process until there is no trigger left, and you will feel incredible freedom!
Remember, every relationship creates a new opportunity to learn, grow and evolve into an even better version of ourselves.
Wanda Gibbons, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Wanda Gibbons specializes as an Intuitive Relationship Coach and is a Certified Transformational Dream Builder Coach and Brave Thinking Master through Mary Morrissey & the Brave Thinking Institute. She is passionate about assisting clients in living and loving their best life possible and having fulfilling, fun relationships. Wanda's clients go from feeling fed up, frustrated, triggered, starving for love and attention to learning how to harness the art of authentic, conscious listening and self-expression so that they can create deeper love, connection, support, and intimacy with one another. Wanda has a natural ability to understand both sides and assist her clients in resolving their struggles through self-discovery and effective communication.
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