Overcoming OCD: A Personal Journey Through Intrusive Thoughts and Exposure Therapy
- Brainz Magazine
- May 31
- 5 min read
Updated: Jun 2
Cleopatra Zhonga is a licensed mental health counselor and an ERP-certified Specialist for treating OCD, phobias and other obsessive compulsive related disorders. She founded Thought Shift Therapy, a private practice dedicated to shifting mindsets and transforming the way we approach fear, anxiety, and mental health challenges.
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) often goes undiagnosed, not because it's rare, but because it hides well. This article blends clinical insight with personal narrative to illustrate how OCD can take root early in life and how Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) therapy offers a clear path to recovery.
When safety turned to fear: The roots of OCD
“Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name…”
That prayer echoed in my mind for years, even though I now identify as agnostic. Why? Because when I was nine years old, my father had a stroke. I was deeply attached to him, and his sudden vulnerability shattered my sense of safety. That night, my Catholic grandmother, acting from love and fear, asked me to pray the Our Father with her repeatedly. My father survived, but something inside me changed forever.
In my young mind, I believed the prayer had saved him, not out of religious devotion, but out of a type of magical thinking that would come to define my life. I started to believe my thoughts had power, and that belief slowly transformed into a private, exhausting struggle with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD).
What is OCD, really?
Despite what you might hear in pop culture, OCD is not just about hand-washing or being "neat." Many people with OCD go undiagnosed or misunderstood because the disorder is far more complex than perfectionism or organization.
OCD is a chronic mental health condition defined by intrusive, distressing thoughts (obsessions) and the compulsions we perform to relieve the anxiety they cause. These compulsions can be physical or mental, such as praying, counting, or seeking reassurance.
Common OCD themes include:
Fear of causing harm
Fear of being a bad person
Contamination obsessions (physical or emotional)
Relationship doubts
Sexual or violent intrusive thoughts
Religious fears, often referred to as scrupulosity or religious OCD
At the core of all these themes is one shared fear: intolerance of uncertainty. OCD is often called the “doubting disorder” because it traps people in a cycle of second-guessing what they know to be true.
The hidden signs: How OCD can go unnoticed
According to the International OCD Foundation, approximately one in 40 adults live with OCD, yet many remain undiagnosed or misunderstood.
I didn’t know I had OCD at the time. I thought I was just “overthinking” or “sensitive.” In truth, I was locked in a private loop of fear, ritual, and momentary relief. Like many others with OCD, I was fully aware that my thoughts were irrational, but the emotional intensity made it feel too risky to ignore them.
This is what makes OCD an invisible disorder. Many sufferers are high-functioning, insightful, even funny or successful, and completely exhausted inside. Because compulsions are often hidden (mental reviewing, avoiding certain triggers, silently praying), others may not even notice we’re struggling.
How religion “saved” me
At one point, I wore a religious pendant, religiously, if you will! Not because I believed in its spiritual power, but because I was convinced that if I didn’t wear it, something terrible would happen to someone I loved. This stemmed from the prayer that once “saved” my father.
One day, I decided to take it off to “test” the fear. The dread that followed was immediate and intense.
But, nothing happened.
I didn’t realize it then, but this was a form of Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), the gold-standard treatment for OCD.
“The treatment that produces the best outcomes is cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), specifically a type called exposure response prevention (ERP), in which the patient leans into thoughts, images, objects, or circumstances that are likely to trigger her obsessions while choosing not to give in to the resulting compulsions,” says McKay, a psychology professor at Fordham University, New York, NY.
By removing the pendant and not putting it back on, even while anxious, I was slowly retraining my brain. It was my first accidental step toward recovery.
How OCD keeps you stuck
The OCD cycle looks like this:
Obsession: A distressing thought arises (e.g., “What if I hurt someone?”)
Compulsion: You perform a behavior to neutralize it (e.g., pray, check, avoid)
Relief: The anxiety goes down, temporarily
Reinforcement: Your brain learns the compulsion “worked,” and the loop continues.
It’s exhausting. And without knowing what’s happening, people often go years, sometimes decades, before getting an accurate diagnosis.
Naming the disorder was my turning point
It took nearly ten years for me to realize what I had been battling was Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Giving it a name changed everything. It didn’t magically cure me, but it gave me language. It gave me a path forward. Most of all, it gave me hope.
The more I learned about ERP therapy, the more I understood that my thoughts weren’t dangerous, just uncomfortable. ERP showed me that I didn’t need to obey every fear my brain created.
What ERP taught me
Exposure and Response Prevention therapy can be challenging but life-changing. It’s not about "getting rid" of intrusive thoughts; it's about learning how to relate to them differently. ERP helps you face your fears gradually, without resorting to compulsions.
Here are three core lessons ERP teaches:
Habituation: Anxiety doesn’t last forever. When you resist rituals, the discomfort fades over time.
Disconfirmation: The feared outcome usually never happens, or isn’t nearly as catastrophic as OCD claims.
Mastery: You learn to sit with uncertainty and intrusive thoughts without reacting, giving you your power back.
Related: How Can ERP Help With OCD?
Final thoughts: There is help, and there is hope
OCD thrives in silence and shame. But healing begins when we name what we’re going through and stop blaming ourselves for the way our brains work.
If anything in this story resonates with you, know this: you are not alone. You're not “crazy.” You're not broken.
You are a person with a real mental health condition that has a name, a pattern, and, most importantly, a path to recovery.
Exposure and Response Prevention therapy gave me my life back. It can help you too. You don’t have to believe every thought your brain throws at you; you just have to be willing to face the fear and take that first step.
If you’re ready to start your journey toward freedom from intrusive thoughts and compulsions, I’d be honored to support you every step of the way as an ERP-certified therapist. Reach out today to learn how ERP therapy can help you regain control, calm your mind, and rediscover your power.
Cleopatra Zhonga, Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Cleopatra Zhonga is a licensed mental health counselor specializing in obsessive-compulsive disorders. Drawing on her own experience with OCD, she connects deeply with clients through empathy and firsthand understanding. Having learned to manage her own OCD, Cleopatra has been dedicated to helping others break free from the constraints of fear and break stereotypes surrounding mental health. She founded Thought Shift Therapy as a space to shift thinking, retrain the brain, and face life’s challenges head-on by reframing personal narratives.
