Of Healing Journeys and Creating Ripples
- Brainz Magazine
- 5 days ago
- 5 min read
Updated: 4 days ago
Julia Corotan is a Papua New Guinea-raised Filipino, giving her a unique perspective on life and people. After feeling lost and burnt out in the middle of college, she started writing as a way to express and process her feelings. She then started her blog, Amica Mea, as a means to connect with others who were struggling with the same issues.
How does that cliché go again? “Healing isn’t linear.” There are moments when we believe that we’ve healed from the wounds others have inflicted on us. But sometimes? Sometimes this is us trying to protect ourselves from the pain and tragedy of our past. We say we’ve moved on to be done with it because that’s easier. Right?
We often mistake indifference and avoidance for healing. We say the words, “I don’t care anymore. They don’t matter to me anymore,” or even, “I’m okay,” and think, yeah, they’re fine. But apathy isn’t the same as accepting and moving on from the situation. It’s pushing our feelings into a little ball, then shoving it into a box marked “do not open,” and making sure that box stays in a dark, undisturbed corner in our mind.
The facade is, of course, convincing. We go out into the world, mask firmly in place, and smile as we conquer our days. And it’s exhausting. Pretending like everything’s fine is tiring because it forces us to exert so much more effort in appearing normal than in dealing with the underlying issues we have. If you’ll notice, I keep using “we” throughout this story. That’s because I did this too. I denied my emotions, denied the fact that I was hurt, and denied everything that happened around me. All I did was question what transpired, the people in my life, and even the way I was living. I went through the motions, so I never had to acknowledge the question at the heart of it all.
Why was I stopping myself from truly healing?
I realized that I needed to focus on myself and face my demons once and for all when I recognized that I was causing suffering to the people around me. Anger and annoyance became my default responses to anything that didn’t go my way. Empathy and understanding took the back seat.
Thinking back, I see how my childhood experiences shaped how I reacted to the world. I had to grow up very quickly and make decisions children shouldn’t have to make. I was 10 years old when family issues shook my childhood. Once I hit my teenage years, I started lashing out and rebelling to make everyone else see me and what they took from me. Until it became a cycle and the default way I started living. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t begrudge young Julia for what she did, because that was how I survived and dealt with situations beyond my control. However, now is the time to let that go and finally become a better version of myself.
The much needed breakthrough came in the most unexpected setting, a plane ride. I’ve always felt that a plane ride was like a reset. A new beginning. A new start. Surprising for something that requires me to be surrounded by strangers in a flying wonder of aeronautics and engineering. So on September 1, 2019, then 24-year-old Julia hopped on a plane and, for the first time in a long time, realized she wasn’t okay. I finally accepted that I needed help and that staying in the place I considered home at the time was hurting me. I said a silent prayer to be removed from what was causing me pain and to finally feel like I was breathing.
We all know what happened in 2020. The pandemic hit, and with it, I had to fly out to be with my family during such a tumultuous time in our history. I was going back to the first place I considered home before living in different cities, and plane rides became my reality. During this period, I was able to sit with myself and my emotions. I learned more about how I viewed the world and myself. There were moments when I had to swallow my pride and utter the words, “I need help.” I recognized that I was allowing the negative experiences from my past to control my present. I needed new and different strategies to face and deal with the challenges that came my way. The work was hard, but very, very essential to the person I’ve become today. A journey that I’m still proud to say I’m still in today.
I don’t think there’s a set time or version of myself where I can say that my healing journey is over. As people, we’ll always have some part of ourselves that we need to show more grace to and corral, like an angry toddler, to behave. It’s not a continuous journey either. There are days when I know I fall back into old habits, where anger is the easier and faster response than empathy. The difference now is I know better, and I know I can do better. This year alone made me want to throw in the towel multiple times and yell, “I’m exhausted,” into the world and hide in my blanket cocoon. Luckily, the time and effort I put into myself in previous years make it easier to be kind to myself, let my inner child throw a temper tantrum, and then come back swinging at whatever difficulty I’m facing.
I’m also fortunate to be surrounded by wonderful people who show up for me in important ways. They’re the ones I run to when everything becomes too much. They’re the ones who remind me of the progress I’ve made and the struggles I’ve overcome to become this version of myself. And that’s what we need more of. People who know they’re not perfect but are willing to put in the work to do better. To heal parts of themselves that have been hurt and to allow other people to walk this path together. There’s enough cruelty in the world without us adding to it. Those small acts of kindness can echo through our communities, creating a wave of kindness that everyone can take part in and experience.
I’m well aware that I’m far from the person I aspire to be. I’ve accepted that the obstacles of my past are part of who I am now. It’s not something to run from, but something that is. I hope everyone who reads this finds the courage to take that first step into healing. May we amplify the ripples in our communities and become the people we needed when we were hurting.
If you are someone looking for a safe space or are trying to find a place to meet like-minded people who are still on that journey of self-discovery and personal development, visit our "Becoming You" YouTube channel. A place for all dreamers, new and old, fostering connections through stories.
Read more from Julia Mae Corotan
Julia Mae Corotan, Motivational Speaker and Content Creator
Julia Corotan has always been passionate about studying and learning about different cultures. As a Filipino born and raised in Papua New Guinea, where her parents worked, she was nurtured in a community with diverse cultures and instilled a desire to help others. She took this a step further when she joined and worked for AIESEC, an international leadership organization with a presence in over 100 countries. She also began her blog, Amica Mea (my beloved or my companion in Latin), as a way to connect with others struggling with burnout and feeling lost about their path in life. Her mission, connection through stories.
