Live a Fulfilling Life According to Your Values and Tools for Exploration
- Brainz Magazine
- 6 hours ago
- 7 min read
Dr. Valerie A.G. Ventureyra, PhD is a Clinical Psychologist and Cognitive-Behavioural & EMDR Psychotherapist with an established private practice in Paris, France and online. Her clinical expertise is in expat adaptation, trauma, burn-out, anxiety and mood disorders, and she consults in English, French and Spanish.
Have you ever stopped and asked yourself what drives you in life? Or do you just go through life mechanically, following a routine imposed by society or other people in your surroundings? Most of us have probably lived at least a part of our life in the latter way and it is interesting to note that in French there is even an idiomatic expression to describe this type of mindless, passionless lifestyle: “Métro, Boulot, Dodo”, literally meaning “Subway, Work, Sleep”, which is quite typical of an average Parisian’s life. (Sorry to break the truth to the “Midnight in Paris” fans out there who have been lured into Woody Allen’s fantasy of the omnipresence of glamour, luxury and excitement in the City of Lights! The reality is more complex and mundane.)
As we approach the end of the academic year (in the Northern hemisphere at least), and come closer to vacation time, when we may temporarily get off the hamster wheel, rest and have time to take a step back, we may want to look back on the last year to consider our recent achievements and also our dissatisfactions, and then look ahead to the next one with new projects and challenges. If we are rather dissatisfied with our past, or fearful and uncertain of our future, we can also take advantage of this time to reflect and (re)define our values in general terms, but also according to specific life domains, in order to gain more clarity to lead a more aligned life with who we truly are and what matters to us.
What are values? Why are they important? How are values different from goals?
Values are principles to live by that direct our actions, thoughts and feelings. Some values are influenced by our parents or other family members, our social circle, or society, and accompany us throughout life. Other values can be (re)defined later in life and help us to shape our future. Either way, it is never too late to (re)discover our values and work with them mindfully to lead a more fulfilling existence.
It is important to differentiate values from goals. Values are principles or directions that guide us and can involve multiple short, medium and long-term goals. We also note that we can never “achieve” a value as we can achieve a goal. Values are about ongoing action. For example, we may hold the value in the area of Work/ Career to be committed to continuous learning and self-improvement. Learning and self-improvement are ongoing and can last until the end of your career. Specific goals corresponding to this value may be signing up for a workshop, obtaining a certification, or rising up to some specific challenge, and may take days, months, or maybe a couple of years to achieve. By working on these goals, you will be taking ongoing action to live by your specific values.
Values & psychotherapy
In my original field of training in psychotherapy, Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT), it was not very common to explore or work with values until the development of the Third Wave of CBT, and in particular, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (also known by its acronym, ACT). In ACT, developed by psychologist Steve Hayes, a central part of the therapy focuses on values and the choice that we consciously make to live according to them in the “here and now”, and how we can continuously readjust our actions to align with them mindfully. Work on values in psychotherapy is particularly interesting when someone is facing a life crisis (burnout, divorce) or a major change (expatriation), helping clients project themselves into a different version of themselves in new roles and situations.
Life domains & tools
Whether we are in therapy or not, we can always start by defining our values, which can often be quite broad, such as “Being caring” or “Striving for excellence”. Having such values and being consciously aware of them may certainly guide our actions across different areas of life, as general principles, but without taking Life Domains into account specifically to define our values and goals, we may not live by our values as fully as we could.
In ACT psychotherapy, there are a few tools that have been developed to help define values and related goals according to Life Domains or areas of life that count for us. Some exercises propose four life domains, others can define up to ten or twelve (although they may not all be relevant in one’s life at the moment). Here are two tools (an exercise and a questionnaire) to explore our Values in different Life Domains:
Bull’s eye exercise
In this exercise developed by Swedish ACT therapist, T.Lundgren, four life domains are defined:
Work/education: This domain may be your professional activity, your studies, volunteer work, or even a blog, a podcast, a business idea, or anything else that you may be exploring in terms of contribution to the world and/ or learning.
Relationships: encompasses your personal relationships with your spouse/partner, children, parents, friends, as well as colleagues and acquaintances.
Leisure: includes activities that you do during your free time, sports and hobbies that enrich you and give you pleasure outside of work.
Personal growth/health: In this domain, you may want to explore psychological growth and personal development, spirituality, as well as physical and emotional health.
Step 1: Define your values
Define your values for each of the domains mentioned above, keeping the following questions in mind to guide you:
What is important to you in your life?
What would you like to work towards?
What sort of qualities/skills do you want to cultivate as an individual?
How do you want to be in your relationships with others?
Step 2: Place your values on the bull’s eye board
Now you can read through your values, then mark an X in each area of the Bull’s Eye Board to represent where you stand today. (An X in the Bull’s Eye (the centre of the board) means that you are living fully by your values in that area of life. An X far from the Bull’s Eye means that you are not quite aligned with living by your values, and can make some improvements.)
Step 3: Define your goals
Now that you have defined your Values in the Four Life Domains and seen them represented in the Bull’s Eye Board, you can define some goals for at least one value in each domain. For a given value, try to define a long-term (one-year) goal, a medium-term (next month) goal and a short-term (next week) goal.
For example, in the domain of Personal Growth/ Health, a value may be keeping fit by exercising regularly. A short-term goal may be going for an hour-long walk twice over the next week. A medium-term goal could be walking twice a week for one hour for a month. And a long-term goal may be having some sort of physical activity (walking, biking, going to the gym or a fitness class) at least twice a week for the next year.
Valued living questionnaire (VLQ)
Another tool to help you explore your life domains and values is the Valued Living Questionnaire (VLQ), developed by K. Wilson and J. Groom, in which the importance of the following life domains are evaluated on a scale from 1 to 10:
Family (other than parenting role): What sort of son/daughter, brother/sister do you want to be? What sort of relationships would you like to build? What personal qualities would you like to bring to these relationships?
Marriage/intimate relationship: What sort of partner would you like to be in an intimate relationship with? What type of relationship would you like to build? What personal qualities would you like to bring to this relationship?
Parenting: What sort of parent would you like to be? What kind of relationships would you like to build with your children? What qualities would you like to bring into these relationships?
Friendship/Social life: What qualities would you like to bring to your friendships? What type of friendships would you like to build?
Work: What do you value in your work? What kind of professional would you like to be? What skills and personal qualities would you like to develop/ bring to your work? What kind of relations would you like to build with your colleagues?
Education/Training/Personal growth and development: What do you value about learning or personal development? What knowledge would you like to acquire? What new skills would you like to learn? What knowledge would you like to acquire?
Recreation: What hobbies, sports, or leisure activities do you enjoy? What activities would you like to do?
Spirituality: What does this mean to you? How do you connect to someone or something greater than yourself? What are the roles of religion, prayer, meditation, or nature?
Citizenship/Community life: How would you like to contribute to your community? What causes are important to you?
Health/Physical self-care: What are your values related to maintaining your physical and mental well-being? How do you want to look after your health, with regard to sleep, diet, and exercise?
In the second part of the VLQ, you will evaluate the degree to which you have lived according to the different life domains in the past week, also by scoring from 1 to 10.
Once you have established which domains and values are most important to you at the moment, you can apply the same process as presented in the Bull’s Eye Exercise above for goal setting in the different areas (short/medium and long-term goals).
Are you feeling lost amidst major life challenges? Are you in need of a change? Would you like to explore your values further?
Exploring our values in different life domains, with tools such as those presented above, can be an eye-opening experience and lead us down new paths, previously unknown to us, to help us change and grow. Knowing our values can boost our confidence by giving us clarity on our life choices in moments of doubt or lead us on the path of exploration in times of existential crises. This is a fascinating route to self-discovery, but not always an easy one to travel on your own. If you feel that you may be at a turning point in your life, or in the midst of life challenges in your personal or professional life, and would like to explore your values further with ACT and CBT, you can visit my website and contact me for a consultation.
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Read more from Dr. Valerie A.G. Ventureyra
Dr. Valerie A.G. Ventureyra, Clinical Psychologist & CBT/EMDR Psychotherapist
Dr. Valerie A.G. Ventureyra, PhD is a Clinical Psychologist and Cognitive-Behavioural & EMDR Psychotherapist with an established private practice in Paris, France since 2008. Her clinical expertise is in expat adaptation, trauma, burn-out, anxiety and mood disorders. Dr. Ventureyra is a researcher and neuroscientist by training and author/ co-author of several peer-reviewed scientific articles and book chapters. She has also worked in journalism, lectured at universities, and participated in crisis interventions in the aftermath of traumatic events. She consults in English, French and Spanish.
