Updated: Jan 27
Written by: Eva Medilek, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise
That’s right. Hear me out on this one. His cheating was the best thing that happened for our marriage. For approximately six years, I had been working day and night, building my Real Estate Investing Portfolio. I was also working my day job, doing all the shopping, cooking and laundry too.
Yes, I was superwoman. I was doing it all and proud of it. I was also burnt out, stressed out, overwhelmed and exhausted most of the time. My neck and back were in constant pain and my mood, well… I was generally frustrated or disappointed about someone or something.
My husband and I were having constant misunderstandings and miscommunications. You see, I’m the driven one in the relationship, so if you weren’t working as hard or as much as I was, you could sense my judgment and disappointment. As a result, he avoided me a lot and I gave him the silent treatment a lot. Even though we were clearly drifting apart, I was confident that we would work everything out and be okay once we achieved our goals and had the time, money, and energy. Wrong.
At my urging, we tried couple’s therapy to no avail. He hated every second of it and had minor panic attacks before each session. Eventually, he refused to continue, but I still had hopes that we would work things out on our own. One day, one of my mentors suggested I enroll in a personal development and leadership training program. This program caused me to discover some hard truths about myself, so naturally, I wanted my husband to enroll as well.
Personal development seemed to be the answer to fixing “us,” as we worked on fixing “ourselves.” That is, until I discovered he had been cheating on me for over a year. It felt like a punch in the gut, and I was terrified we would lose everything we had worked so hard to achieve. But here’s the thing, it was in that discovery that I knew we had a chance to really get to the root of it all and have a real breakthrough in our relationship.
His cheating actually saved our marriage!
We went deep into the process of discovery, compassion, understanding, forgiveness and rebuilding in our relationship. We took Radical Responsibility for how we both were showing up in the marriage. We transformed our styles of communication, behavior and language so that we could show up as our best selves for each other. And it worked!
I learned how to set myself up to win the day so that my mental energy and physical stamina were no longer depleted to the point of sabotaging my health, well-being and relationship. Creating a system that accelerated my success AND allowed me space to have time for rest, recovery and rejuvenation, set me up to be on my A-game in business and in life.
How you do one thing is how you do everything.
Being in a constant state of frustration, stress, and overwhelm took a toll on my life quality and nearly cost me everything. My health, well-being, and relationship were all failing, even though I was building a successful business.
Don’t make the same mistake I did. Not everyone can recover from betrayal and infidelity. Not everyone is willing to take Radical Responsibility for how they are showing up in their relationships.
When you are a driven, high achiever, it’s easy to get so caught up in what you are DO-ing to be successful, that you lose sight of who you are BE-ing in the process. You can have success without sacrifice.
BE Better, DO Better so that you can HAVE Better in every area of your life.
Eva Medilek, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Eva Medilek is a Certified High-Performance Coach and a Relationship Success Coach. She has coached both men and women in the areas of personal development, leadership and mastering habits for success. She specializes in helping powerful, successful women have happier, healthier, more intimate connections in their relationships without giving up their power. Eva knows firsthand how a driven personality type can leave you feeling lonely, disappointed, frustrated and resentful. You can achieve higher levels of success without sacrificing your health, well-being and relationships. She uses her personal experiences along with her leadership, transformational and high performance training to teach you the pillars of high performance as well as showing you how to communicate in a way that fosters intimacy, influence and connection in your personal and professional life. High performance is succeeding consistently over the long term while maintaining a healthy life full of positive emotions and relationships.