How to Give Feedback People Can Actually Use
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 3
- 9 min read
Updated: Jul 4
Jonathan Rozenblit is a Professional Certified Coach (ICF-PCC), author, and podcast host. He is the co-founder of Leadership Practitioner, a program that helps individuals discover their unique practice of leadership and equips them with leadership practices that create conditions for them and those around them to be, bring, and do their best.
The next time you want to share feedback with someone, consider sharing your perspective with them instead. This simple shift in approach might transform how your message lands and what the person does with it. In this article, we'll explore the difference between giving feedback and sharing perspectives. We'll also discover how to create conditions for your insights to be meaningful to the recipient and how you can help them self-discover what to do next.
Here's a thought: What if you didn't give feedback at all?
What if instead, you shared your perspective and then supported the person in processing what you've shared through connection, empathy, listening, and curiosity?
This approach might serve both of you better.
Have you ever noticed what conditions were true when you shared something and someone truly heard you and used what you shared? It is rarely because you told them what to do. It is more likely that they felt like you understood them and/or felt like you respected that they had a choice of what was to come next. They likely did not feel judged and therefore did not feel the need to defend themselves. They likely felt like they could explore what you shared with them to see what would work best for them.
Their feeling this way is likely made possible by the connection and trust present in the relationship. That connection and the trust help develop their capability to self-reflect and grow long after your conversation ends.
When you share perspectives instead of giving feedback, you create space for lasting change. People don't resist their own insights. They embrace them. They act on them because those insights came from within, not from someone else's judgment of what they should do.
This aligns with how adults actually learn and change. Not through compliance, but through discovery. Not through being told, but through being trusted to figure it out with support.
So, before your next feedback conversation, consider this alternative: Share what you see. Then get curious about what they see. Partner with them in making meaning of it all.
You might be surprised by what becomes possible.
Check in with yourself: Why do you want to give feedback?
Before you share anything, pause. Check your intent.
Why do you want to give this feedback? Be honest with yourself. Is it to be right? To prove a point? To get them to do things your way? Or maybe to vent your frustration about something they did?
Or is it authentically about helping them be their best, bring their best, and do their best?
Your intent shapes everything. The words you choose. Your tone. Your body language. And most importantly, how your message lands. People can feel your true intent.
If you discover your intent isn't aligned, and this happens to all of us, stop. This is the moment to do some inner work.
Step back and reflect. What's really driving your need to give this feedback? Are you frustrated? Disappointed? Feeling unheard yourself? There is information in these feelings. Use it.
Then do the work to shift your mindset. Here are some shifts that you can consider: move from "I need to fix them" to "I want to support them." From "They should do it my way" to "I'm curious about their way."
Set an intention for how you want to show up in this conversation. Not what you want to do, but how you want to be.
Only proceed when you genuinely feel that what you want is to help them thrive, when you can approach them with curiosity rather than judgment, and when your intent is truly about creating conditions for their growth.
This pause, this reflection, this intentional shifting, this is what leaders do to begin creating conditions for themselves (and the way to for others as well) to be their best, bring their best, and do their best.
Because when your intent is genuinely about their growth, everything changes. Your approach softens. Your curiosity increases. And suddenly, you're not giving feedback anymore.
You're creating possibility.
The difference between giving feedback and sharing perspectives
Here's the core distinction: Feedback tells people what you think they should do. Perspectives share what you see, inviting them to discover what it means for them.
Think about the last time someone gave you feedback. How did it feel? Even well-intentioned feedback often creates a "I know better than you" dynamic. It could trigger shame, defensiveness, or at best, compliance without real commitment.
Feedback focuses on what’s wrong rather than what's possible. It is also often more about your needs than theirs. You need them to change. You need them to see it your way. You need to feel heard. It should therefore not be very surprising that it rarely leads to sustainable change in them.
Sharing perspectives works differently. It creates space for exploration. "You need to improve your presentation skills" becomes "I noticed the client seemed confused during the technical section." One judges. The other observes.
The shift in language reveals the shift in intent. Instead of directing, you're exploring. Instead of providing answers, you're asking questions. Instead of wielding power over someone, you're sharing power with them.
"From my view," acknowledges that yours is one perspective among many.
"I noticed," shares an observation without prescription.
"What do you make of this?" invites their expertise about their own situation.
This approach works because people don't resist their own ideas. When they discover something for themselves, they own it. When they explore possibilities, they build capability. When you partner with them, you strengthen trust.
The difference seems subtle. The impact is profound.
Next time you're tempted to say "You should," try "I noticed" instead. See what opens up.
Creating conditions for your insights to be meaningful
Before sharing anything, keep this in mind: Meaningful perspectives can only land when you've built a genuine connection and trust over time. This isn't a one-conversation technique.
Connection comes first. Always. Connection is the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued. This requires a consistent practice of showing up with empathy and curiosity. Every interaction either builds or erodes a connection.
Trust then emerges from consistent connection. You can't build it in the moment you want to share perspectives. It's built through countless small moments of reliability and care, like moments when they’ve felt that you’ve created conditions for them to be their best or when they feel like you genuinely have their interests at heart.
This means investing in the relationship consistently, rather than when you need it. This could mean regular check-ins without an agenda, curious exploration of their goals and challenges, celebrating their successes, supporting them through difficulties, and/or being present when they need you.
How do you know when the “conditions” might be there? Consider someone you’d be willing to receive perspectives from. What is it about your connection with that person that makes it feel right to receive their message? How strong does the connection feel? How deep does the trust feel? And most importantly, why does the connection feel that strong? And why does the trust feel that deep? After reflecting on that, do you feel like those “conditions” might be present with the person you want to share perspectives with?
If the conditions aren’t there yet, keep at it. Focus on building them before jumping into perspective sharing.
Your perspectives can only be as meaningful as the relationship that holds them.
How to share your perspective
When you're ready to share, remember: Use language of possibility and exploration, staying unattached to whether they accept what you offer.
Start with observations, not conclusions. "I noticed the report came in after the deadline," rather than "You're always late." "I observed tension in the meeting," rather than "You were difficult." "I saw three emails from the client," rather than "You upset the client." Let them make meaning from what you observed.
Use language that opens rather than closes. "One thing I noticed," or "You might consider," creates space for exploration. "You must," or "The only way," shuts it down. Frame your perspective as one view among many: "From where I sit" or "In my experience" acknowledges there might be other valid ways to see it.
Stay curious throughout. "I'm curious about." invites dialogue. "The problem is," ends it. Try "What I'm wondering about" instead of "What you need to do." Follow observations with genuine questions: "I noticed X, what's your take on that?"
Keep it conversational. This is an exploration, not a presentation. Pause often to check in: "How does that land with you?" and be open to whatever they say, you might just be surprised by their perspective.
Most importantly, remain unattached to the outcome. The purpose here is for you to share, not to convince. They might see things differently, and that’s ok. They might not be ready to hear all of what you’re sharing, that's okay. Trust their ability to take in what serves them right now and leave the rest.
When you share this way, you're not telling. You're not fixing. You're partnering in discovery.
Helping them discover what to do next
After sharing your perspective, shift into supporting their discovery process. This is where real growth happens when they find their own way forward.
Start with open-ended questions that can help process what you have shared. "What resonates with you?" gives them space to identify what is useful. "What might this mean for you?" invites them to make their own connections. "How do you see this?" honors their expertise in their own situation.
Listen actively to understand their processing. Not to steer, not to correct, not to add more. Just to understand. They might take your perspective in a completely different direction than you expected. That's totally ok, it's their discovery process at work.
Explore their ideas without steering. When they start generating options, get curious: "What do you see possible from here?" or "What options come up for you?" Resist the urge to evaluate their ideas or guide them toward your preferred solution. This is their exploration, not yours.
Support their ownership of whatever emerges. In doing so, you’re not just helping them find their next step; you’re walking alongside them as a thinking partner. "What feels right for you?" puts them in the driver's seat. "What would you like to try?" reinforces their agency. When they identify their own next steps, they're far more likely to follow through.
As the conversation closes, check in one more time: "What are you taking away from this?" Their answer might surprise you. What they found most valuable might be completely different from what you thought you were sharing.
Follow up later with curiosity, not checking if they did what you wanted. "How's it going with what we discussed?" opens the dialogue. "Did you do what we talked about?" creates pressure.
Your role here is that of a thinking partner. Trust that they can take care of themselves.
Your next conversation
The approach I’ve shared here requires practice and patience. It can transform both your relationships and results.
Start with yourself. Before you next feel the need to give feedback, pause. Check your intent - is it truly to help them thrive? Notice when you want to tell versus explore. Practice shifting from "feedback mindset" to "perspective mindset."
Begin building the foundation. You can't share meaningful perspectives if you haven't built the connection. Invest in relationships now and always. Practice curious exploration in low-stakes conversations. Build your capacity for staying unattached to outcomes.
Remember why this matters. You're not just changing how you communicate. You're creating conditions for people to be, bring, and do their best. Every conversation is an opportunity to practice.
Consider this: When you stop trying to tell people what to do and how to be and start partnering with them, when you trust their wisdom about their own lives, when you share what you see without attachment, you create space for real growth. Theirs and yours.
This isn't about perfection. It's about practice. Each conversation is a chance to try again, to refine your approach, to deepen your connections.
Read more from Jonathan Rozenblit
Jonathan Rozenblit, Professional Development Coach
Jonathan Rozenblit guides corporate professionals through their journey of discovering and developing their unique practice of leadership so that they can create conditions for themselves and others to be, bring, and do their best at work. Jonathan holds Professional Certified Coach credentials from the International Coaching Federation; is the co-creator of the Leadership Practitioner program, a program that equips individuals with practical tools to inspire trust and cultivate collaborative cultures where people can bring their best selves to work every day; co-host of the Leadership Practitioner podcast; and co-author of 'The Essential Leadership Practitioner: A Framework for Building a Meaningful Practice of Leadership'.
