How to Create a Safe Space for Healing for Yourself and Others
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 18
- 8 min read
Written by Ylwa Woxmark, Equine-guided Recovery Coach
Ylwa Woxmark is a certified and accredited coach and the founder of The Horse Sanctuary in Sweden, where horses with mental and physical traumas are healed. After the healing process, the horses assist her in helping people with the same challenges. She is also the author of the Horsiquette book, published in 2023, together with her husband, Mats.
Discover the power of emotional safety and learn how to create healing spaces for yourself and those around you. In this guide, we’ll explore what it truly means to feel safe, not just physically, but emotionally. You’ll get both practical steps and deep reflections, especially if you’re someone who, like me, had to grow up too fast. Whether you're on your own healing journey or supporting someone else, this guide is a compassionate companion to help you create grounded, nurturing environments where growth can happen.
What is a safe space in the healing process?
A safe space is not just a quiet room or a soothing playlist. It’s a feeling. It’s the invisible container that allows your nervous system to exhale, your heart to open just a little more, and your body to soften. It’s the space where you are free to be messy, unsure, raw, and real.
For someone who had to be strong too early, a safe space can feel foreign at first. If you grew up in survival mode, you might associate safety with control or perfection. But healing begins when your inner child whispers: “That part of me carried way too much, way too soon. It wasn't allowed to cry out loud. It wasn't allowed to be small, needy, or vulnerable, because there was no one who could hold a safe space.”
You may not remember the words, but you’ll always remember the feeling: being too much. Too emotional. Too needy.
The truth is, there was no room for what you felt. So you became good. Responsible. Strong. But there is a sadness there, as long as you don't heal the wound, a longing to finally be small sometimes. To be loved. To feel without being judged. To be human, and still loved. The healing begins there. When you allow yourself to be soft, even if it hurts. When you cry out loud what you once held in. When you tell yourself: “I can exist just as I am.”
You are not too much. You were just a child who needed more. And it was never your fault.
But you know, it wasn’t their fault either. Your parents also carried wounds. Wounds they didn’t know how to take care of. Wounds they may never have even dared to look at. But you see them now. And because you are aware, you are also the one who has the power to break the cycle. You are not too much. You were just a child who needed more. And now you get to give it to yourself. And now, you are the generation breaker.
When we redefine safety as something felt in the body, not managed through performance, you can also remove the pressure. It’s about slowing down. It’s about letting the child inside you, the one who carried too much, finally be held. It's about recognizing that safety doesn't come from avoiding pain, but from having the capacity to meet ourselves within it.
What does it mean to grow up too fast?
I was only three years old when I realized no one was coming to save me. This is a tough truth for a child. Like many others, I became “the strong one,” reliable, mature, emotionally available beyond my years. I learned to read a room before I learned to ride a bike. I became the calm during storms I never caused.
Growing up too fast often means you become excellent at coping and terrible at resting. It means you might build a life around being needed while forgetting what you need. And over time, the very strength that kept you alive becomes the armor that keeps love and safety out.
There’s a quiet grief in this, a grief for the childhood that was never truly lived. A grief for the adult you became out of necessity, not choice. And unless we create space to meet that grief, to soften into it, it stays stored in our bodies, driving our exhaustion, anxiety, and patterns of self-abandonment.
How do you know if you or someone else needs a safe space?
There are signs: exhaustion that doesn't go away with sleep, a tendency to apologize for existing, chronic people-pleasing, difficulty trusting others, or feeling on edge even in calm environments.
Some people dissociate from their own needs so completely that they can't recognize them anymore. They might become high-functioning in their careers while quietly crumbling inside. Others might find themselves looping in the same relational patterns, attracting chaos or distance, never quite feeling secure.
If someone is healing from trauma, especially the kind that shaped their sense of self early on, they don’t just need advice. They need space. They need someone who can sit with their truth without fixing it, someone who says with presence, “You don’t have to hold it all anymore.”
What does it take to create that kind of space?
Creating emotional safety isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. Here’s what it requires:
Attunement: Listen beyond words. Notice what someone doesn’t say. Feel their rhythm and respond to them, not just the story.
Non-judgment: Let go of trying to correct or label. Let their experience be valid, even if it’s uncomfortable.
Boundaries: Safe spaces are held with care, not force. Respecting your own limits models safety too.
Patience: Healing doesn’t happen on demand. Being a safe space means holding room for silence, repetition, and slow unfolding.
Transparency: Be real. Share your own edges and limits. Safe spaces are not about hierarchy but humanity.
Creating safety is not about creating perfection. It's about reducing pressure. It's about cultivating trust, in yourself, in the moment, in the relationship.
Is it hard to become a safe space?
Oh yes, it is. Especially if you never had one yourself.
It can feel vulnerable to offer what you never received. You might doubt your ability, feel triggered, or question if you’re doing it “right.” But here's the truth: if you're even asking how to create safety, you're already doing something revolutionary.
The hardest part is often turning that safe space inward. It's one thing to be compassionate to others. It's another to say to yourself: "You’re allowed to rest now. You’re allowed to need. You’re allowed to heal at your own pace."That voice takes time to build. But it can be built, moment by moment, breath by breath.
What are the signs that safety is being felt?
Safety looks like softness returning to someone's shoulders. It sounds like silence without panic. It feels like breath moving lower into the belly.
For some, safety means laughter after years of numbness. For others, it means crying for the first time without hiding. It means a slower pace, deeper connection, and a growing trust, not just in others, but in life again.
It’s the shift from “What do I need to do to survive this moment?” to “What part of me needs to be met with kindness right now?”
10 steps to creating a safe space for healing
1. Create physical calm
A soft blanket. Closeness to an animal. Natural light. A quiet corner. Gentle music. Our bodies respond deeply to environment. Make yours a place where the nervous system can settle. Even five minutes of intentional quiet can shift your entire state.
2. Speak kindly to yourself
Your inner dialogue shapes your reality. Trade criticism for curiosity. Be the parent you needed. Let your voice become the one that says, “You’re doing okay.” Practice affirmations that resonate. Let softness become familiar.
3. Don’t rush the process
Healing isn’t linear. It spirals. Let go of timetables. Let go of trying to “fix” things quickly. Make space for slow, layered, organic unfolding. Some days, safety looks like doing less.
4. Be honest about your needs
Especially if you're used to suppressing them. Saying “I’m tired” or “I don’t know” is powerful. Naming your needs is part of reclaiming your worth. Write them down. Say them out loud.
5. Practice body-based presence
Trauma lives in the body, and so does safety. Breathe into your belly. Feel your feet. Stretch. Move gently. Let your body know it’s no longer in danger. Use somatic tools to anchor.
6. Hold space for others without solving
When supporting someone, resist the urge to fix. Instead, say, “I hear you. I’m with you.” Your presence is more healing than your advice. Let silence be sacred.
7. Let yourself be witnessed
Being seen, truly seen, is medicine. Share your truth with someone safe. Let them hold space for your rawness. Healing happens in connection. Choose relationships that nourish.
8. Use grounding rituals
Do everything with awareness. Do it slowly. Light a candle. Touch something comforting. Repeat a mantra. Grounding rituals anchor your body in the here and now. They remind your system: it’s safe to land.
9. Set and honor boundaries
Safety grows when you say no. When you choose rest. When you walk away from chaos. Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re doors to freedom. Honor them in yourself and others.
10. Celebrate emotional rest
You don’t have to be strong today. You don’t have to perform. Emotional rest is a radical act of healing. Let it be enough. Let yourself be enough.
How the horses helped me create a safe space
In the quiet company of horses, I first began to feel what safety could mean, not as an idea, but as a lived, embodied experience. Horses don’t care about your words. They respond to energy and presence. They taught me to listen without an agenda, to stand still with discomfort, to soften my breath.
Many of the horses I work with today come from trauma themselves. They were abandoned, neglected, or misunderstood. And yet, over time, they began to trust again. Their healing became a mirror for mine.
The sanctuary is not just a home for them; it’s a home for people learning how to feel again. These horses now teach others what they once had to relearn: how to be in the body, how to sense safety, how to say no, how to rest.
They hold space with the gentlest presence. They model boundaries with grace. They invite us back to ourselves, without demand, without pressure. Simply by being, they help us remember how to be.
Every time I step into their world, I am reminded: healing doesn't have to be forced. It can unfold in stillness. It can emerge through relationship. It can arrive in a shared exhale between species.
The horses continue to be my greatest teachers in creating safe spaces, for myself, for others, and for the parts of us that still tremble, still ache, still long to belong.
Final reflections
Creating safe spaces isn’t a luxury. It’s a necessity, especially for those of us who never knew safety as children. When we commit to emotional safety, we don’t just heal ourselves. We change what’s possible for our families, our communities, and the generations to come.
You deserve to feel safe, not someday, but now. Whether you’re rebuilding after trauma or simply longing to slow down, remember that you are not alone.
Read more from Ylwa Woxmark
Ylwa Woxmark, Equine-guided Recovery Coach
Ylwa Woxmark, certified and accredited coach and equine-guided recovery coach, has healed from childhood traumas and abusive relationships. She is today dedicated to helping people change their perspective on traumas to be able to see their strengths and to find their life purpose. She is the founder of The Horse Sanctuary in Sweden, where former traumatized horses assist her in coaching people with the same challenges. Her mission: Allow yourself a second chance.
