Written by: Tamara Zoner, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Do you belong? Or do you try to fit in?
The difference, according to Brene Brown is this:
"Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn't require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are."
In my private Facebook group and Detroit Metro Meetup Group, Create A Life You Love, I invite you to belong. There is no fitting in because in order for us to love and accept you just as you are, you must gather the courage to show up just as you are, in all of your imperfections. With all of the parts of you that your inner critic attempts to keep down.
When we attempt to "fit in" we're inauthentic. When this is our pattern, adopting the skills of a chameleon to change our colors with each different group that we interact with (family, friends, colleagues, etc...), no one truly knows us and it's most likely true that we don't truly know ourselves, or we don't accept ourselves.
This is the first step to truly belonging... to put all of our perceived flaws out on the table and take a good look at them. Then, decided to love ourselves anyway. Practice loving ourselves anyway.
For years, I was told that I was too loud. My laugh was too loud, I sang too loudly, I spoke too loudly, and even my lip color was too loud. The only thing about me that wasn't loud, apparently, was my wardrobe, and that was wrong, too! I should dress more colorfully and stop wearing so much black!
So, I tried to fit into the expectations that my then-husband had for me. I tried so hard. And each time I quieted my voice, turned off the music I loved to sing to, or held back a laugh, I belonged a little less to myself. Each time I wore a dress or a piece of jewelry that he wanted to see me in, but that didn't feel like me at all. I belonged a little less to myself.
"Fitting in" is a slow killer of the Self. It was only when I made the decision to reclaim the parts of myself that I had given away or silenced in order to fit into someone else's expectations or preferences that I started to feel like myself again – that I began to belong to myself again.
In this belonging, it is rare to feel lonely because I love my own company. In this belonging, it is rare to feel like people don't really know me because I know myself and show up as I am. In this belonging, I have the courage to speak and move and flow against the crowd if my sense of integrity calls for it. In this belonging, there is a sense of wholeness and peace. ❤️
Do you belong? Or are you trying to fit in?
Learn more about cultivating authentic relationships in my article. Click here.
Want a step-by-step process to move from fitting in to belonging, check out Sarah-Jayne Jupiter’s article here.
Ready to belong to a group that wants you to show up as you are? Join my Facebook Group or if you’re local to the Metro Detroit area, join us in person here.
Tamara Zoner, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Tamara is an award-winning Keynote Speaker and Happiness Trainer on a mission to create greater happiness in the world by educating individuals and groups on Practical Happiness. After leaving a 15-year abusive marriage, Tamara rebuilt her life and her confidence using the same skills she now teaches others. Once miserable, Tamara is now one of the happiest people she knows! A show-not-tell single mom to 3 awesome teenagers and karaoke enthusiast, Tamara demonstrates daily how to create a life you love!
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