How to Begin Healing From Emotional Pain
- Brainz Magazine
- 20 hours ago
- 7 min read
Written by Ylwa Woxmark, Equine-guided Recovery Coach
Ylwa Woxmark is a certified and accredited coach and the founder of The Horse Sanctuary in Sweden, where horses with mental and physical traumas are healed. After the healing process, the horses assist her in helping people with the same challenges. She is also the author of the Horsiquette book, published in 2023, together with her husband, Mats.
Ylwa Woxmark, a certified and accredited equine-guided recovery coach, has healed from childhood traumas and abusive relationships. Today, she is dedicated to helping people shift their perspective on trauma, enabling them to recognize their strengths and discover their life purpose. She is the founder of The Horse Sanctuary in Sweden, where formerly traumatized horses assist her in coaching people facing similar challenges. Her mission: Allow yourself a second chance.
Have you ever felt unsure if it’s safe to feel what you feel?
I was. I never felt it was safe to truly feel, so I started to become someone I was not.
Many of us grew up without emotional education. If no one showed us how to sit with difficult emotions, express them safely, or process painful experiences, we simply never learned. As a result, we cope by avoiding, suppressing, or distracting ourselves from the pain. But here’s the truth: healing begins the moment you allow yourself to feel, without judgment or shame. The more you feel, the more you heal. Keep reading to discover how acknowledging your emotional pain can become your most powerful path to healing.
What is emotional pain?
Emotional pain is a natural response to loss, trauma, unmet needs, or deep internal conflicts. It can show up as grief after a breakup, anger over injustice, or shame tied to past experiences. Often, emotional pain is your body and soul’s way of telling you that something is out of balance. Facing pain often brings buried memories, unresolved trauma, or uncomfortable truths to the surface. Subconsciously, we may fear what we'll discover about ourselves, our past, or others if we truly allow ourselves to feel.
Letting go and allowing ourselves to feel deeply can feel like losing control. Many people have learned to rely on control as a way to stay safe, especially if they’ve experienced trauma. Letting the pain in may feel like opening the floodgates with no way back. But despite what you may have been told, pain does not mean you’re weak. On the contrary, it is proof that you are human, that you care, and that you’re ready to heal.
Why do we avoid feeling pain?
Most of us are conditioned to avoid pain at all costs. Society praises toughness and emotional control, while vulnerability is often seen as weakness. Over time, we learn to suppress our feelings, telling ourselves, “I shouldn’t feel this way,” or “I just need to get over it.” Especially for caregivers, people-pleasers, or those raised in dysfunctional environments, we also learn to prioritize other people’s needs over our own. Our own pain gets pushed aside as we focus on being there for everyone else.
But when emotions are buried, they don’t disappear; they grow heavier. Avoidance may offer temporary relief, but it keeps us stuck, and in the worst-case scenario, it can lead to depression or illness. True healing begins when we turn inward and allow our pain to be acknowledged, seen, heard, and felt.
The catalyst that led me to start acknowledging my pain and understanding its origins was the abrupt end of a 4.5-year-long, deeply destructive relationship with a psychopath. With support, I came to realize that I had learned to suppress difficult emotions as a child, which left me completely unprepared to face them later in life.
The feeling of “being wrong” in your environment
Whether it’s being told you’re too sensitive, too loud, too quiet, too emotional, or too needy, feeling “wrong” in your upbringing can have profound and lasting effects on your sense of self. This is what I’ve personally experienced as a result:
It undermines your self-worth
When you’re repeatedly told that who you are is not acceptable, you start to internalize the belief that you are inherently flawed. Over time, this erodes your self-esteem and makes you feel unworthy of love, belonging, or success.
It creates a false self
To survive or be accepted, many people develop a “false self,” a version of themselves they believe is more palatable to others. You might become the achiever, the caretaker, the quiet one, or the comedian, whatever is rewarded or tolerated. But this disconnects you from your authentic self.
It leads to chronic shame
Instead of thinking, “I did something wrong,” you begin to feel, “There is something wrong with me.” This toxic shame can quietly govern your relationships, decisions, and self-talk well into adulthood.
It hinders emotional expression
If expressing real feelings as a child led to rejection or punishment, you may have learned to numb or suppress emotions. As an adult, this can make it hard to feel, trust, or communicate your needs, leading to emotional disconnection or even physical symptoms.
It shapes dysfunctional relationship patterns
When you’re taught that you’re wrong or “too much,” you may seek relationships that mirror those early dynamics partners who are critical, dismissive, or emotionally unavailable because it feels familiar, even if painful.
It triggers anxiety and hypervigilance
Growing up feeling fundamentally wrong can keep your nervous system in a constant state of alert. You may constantly scan for signs of rejection or disapproval, fearing that being your true self will lead to disconnection.
It impacts your voice and boundaries
You might struggle to speak up, set boundaries, or advocate for yourself because you were conditioned to believe your needs or perspectives were invalid or burdensome.
The good news: You can heal
Recognizing these patterns is the first step. When you begin to validate your own experience, feel your emotions safely, and surround yourself with people who honor your authentic self, deep healing becomes possible.
When does healing begin?
Healing begins the moment you stop resisting what you feel. It starts when you say, “This hurts, and I’m allowed to feel it.” This act of self-compassion shifts you from survival mode to a space where healing becomes possible.
Healing with traumatized horses
The first step in my healing was alongside traumatized horses. With them, I felt safe and accepted. They helped me accept several important truths about myself during my healing journey, such as:
Your vulnerability is natural and okay. Horses that have experienced trauma often show fear or hesitation, teaching you it’s okay to feel vulnerable and not always
be strong.
Healing takes time and patience. Just like traumatized horses need gentle care and trust-building over time, your healing journey requires patience and self-compassion.
Your emotions are valid. Horses respond authentically to feelings, encouraging you to acknowledge and accept your own emotions without judgment.
You are capable of trust and connection. Even horses with trauma can learn to trust again, showing you, too, can rebuild trust with yourself and others.
You deserve kindness and care. Caring for a traumatized horse reflects the kindness and nurturing you deserve to give yourself.
Your past doesn’t define your future. Witnessing a horse’s recovery inspired me to believe in my own resilience and capacity for growth beyond past pain.
So, where do you start once you’ve become aware of all of this?
I will now share 8 key steps that have helped me heal emotional pain and begin reclaiming my inner peace:
1. Allow yourself to feel
You don’t need anyone’s permission. Your feelings are real and valid. Whether you’re angry, sad, ashamed, or numb, let those emotions come up without judgment or minimization.
2. Write it out
Journaling is a powerful tool for self-awareness and emotional release. Let your thoughts and feelings flow freely. Don’t edit yourself, just write. It helps you gain clarity and notice patterns.
3. Create a safe emotional space
Find a place where you can fully be yourself. For me, it was with the horse herd.
Yours might be a cozy corner at home, a walk in nature, or time with a trusted friend or therapist. Safety allows emotions to move through you instead of getting stuck.
4. Practice presence
Mindfulness means paying full attention to the present moment without judgment. Be aware of your thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surroundings as they happen. I also used simple breathwork to anchor me in the moment. Being present helps you face emotions without spiraling into shame or fear, making space for healing.
5. Release judgment
Stop telling yourself you “shouldn’t feel this way.” There is no right or wrong way to feel. Emotions don’t make you flawed; they make you alive. Speak to yourself with kindness. I used to be harsh in my self-talk, but the horses taught me you cannot judge and love at the same time. I chose love.
6. Recognize guilt and shame as signals, not truths
Guilt and shame often linger after painful experiences. You may believe you caused your suffering or don’t deserve to feel better. But these emotions are not facts; they are signs that a deeper wound needs care. For me, it was childhood neglect and abuse, betrayal by trusted people, trauma from mental and physical violence, feeling unworthy or unloved, and emotional abandonment or rejection.
7. Reach out for support
You don’t have to heal alone. Talking to someone you trust or working with a therapist can provide insight, comfort, and clarity. Connection is essential medicine. I was fortunate to receive help from a skilled psychologist and to talk openly with my best friend, Mats, who is now my husband.
8. Celebrate small steps forward
Healing isn’t about perfection; it’s about progress. Every moment you choose to feel, breathe, and stay present, you’re healing and you should celebrate that. I learned that celebration is about inner progress, not external results. I felt abundant each time I acknowledged my emotional pain and released its root cause, and gradually, this began to show in my outer world.
Is it really possible to heal emotional pain?
Yes, it is, I am living proof, as are the horses! Healing doesn’t mean forgetting what hurt you. It means integrating your experiences in a way that frees you to move forward with clarity, strength, and peace. The pain you carry doesn’t define you. But your willingness to feel it and heal through it, that is where your true power lies.
You don’t have to do this alone
You are not weak for feeling deeply. You are courageous! Every time you turn toward your pain with compassion, you move one step closer to freedom. If you’re ready to take even the smallest step today, know that it’s more than enough.
You are seen. You are worthy. And you are healing.
Read more from Ylwa Woxmark
Ylwa Woxmark, Equine-guided Recovery Coach
Ylwa Woxmark, certified and accredited coach and equine-guided recovery coach, has healed from childhood traumas and abusive relationships. She is today dedicated to helping people change their perspective on traumas to be able to see their strengths and to find their life purpose. She is the founder of The Horse Sanctuary in Sweden, where former traumatized horses assist her in coaching people with the same challenges. Her mission: Allow yourself a second chance.
