Helping Couples Feel Safe and Seen Again – An Interview with Austin Costantini & Benetta Mathew
- Brainz Magazine
- Dec 3, 2025
- 10 min read
Updated: Dec 7, 2025
Austin and Benetta are the powerhouses behind Elevated Life Coaching, an international relationship coaching practice known for helping couples rebuild trust, strengthen communication, and reconnect on a deeper level. They are the creators of the acclaimed 7-Week Connection Reset Program, a practical and structured framework used by couples across the U.S., Canada, Europe, the UAE, and growing globally.
Austin Costantini & Benetta Mathew, Relationship Coaches
Who are Austin Costantini and Benetta Mathew?
Austin Costantini and Benetta Mathew are partners in purpose, partners in growth, and partners in the work of transforming relationships from the inside out.
Austin is the strategic thinker with a great sense of humour and a creative mind. He has a rare ability to take emotionally tangled situations and turn them into something simple, human, and workable. He notices the details most people miss – the shift in tone, the tension in a room, the subtle energy changes, and uses them to create calm, safety, and clarity. He’s fueled by strong coffee, long walks that turn into life audits, and the kind of conversations that end with people saying, “I’ve never looked at it that way before.”
Benetta is the intuitive firecracker – the person who can feel the emotional temperature of a room within seconds. Her coaching blends fierce empathy with emotional precision that reaches the heart quickly. She gravitates toward calming, aesthetic spaces: soft neutrals, a good-scented candle, and playlists that make the nervous system relax. There’s a warmth people feel instantly – the kind that comes from someone who holds her family close and shows up with her whole heart – paired with a rare ability to spot patterns and give language to truths people have been carrying for years.
Outside of formal coaching, Austin and Benetta are the duo who binge-watch psychology documentaries, overthink what to cook next, and fill any whiteboard in sight with ideas and future plans.
Together, they bring complementary energies, structure and intuition, strategy and depth, and a blended cultural lens that makes their work deeply human, emotionally intelligent, and profoundly relatable.
How was Elevated Life Coaching formed?
Elevated Life Coaching was born from a very human place – not from having life figured out, but from having to rebuild when it felt heavy. Before we were coaches, both of us went through seasons that never made it to social media: heartbreak that shook our confidence, grief that lingered for years, losses that changed our direction, and moments where we didn’t recognise our own reactions anymore. Those experiences made us ask harder questions:
Who am I as a person and in relationships?
What patterns am I repeating?
What do I actually need to heal?
We’ve lived the slow breakdown of communication, the feeling of losing parts of ourselves, and the confusion of wounds from our younger years resurfacing later in life. That’s what pushed us into deeper work – therapy, trauma-informed learning, behavioural psychology, attachment theory, communication, and nervous system regulation. We weren’t studying for a career; we were studying to heal.
When our paths crossed, we realised our experiences weren’t identical, and that was the gift. Our different journeys created a fuller, more nuanced coaching approach.
Elevated Life Coaching began from one shared decision: we didn’t want people to navigate their hardest emotional seasons alone. We wanted to offer real tools, real language, and real support for real relationships. We know what rock bottom feels like and what rising from it with clarity and emotional maturity feels like. That contrast is the heartbeat of our work.
What challenges do your clients usually struggle with before they start working with you?
Most people don’t come to us because their relationship is “broken.” They come because something feels off, and they can’t quite name it. By the time they reach out, they’re often living in a mix of:
Misunderstanding
Walking on eggshells
Growing resentment
Loneliness in the relationship
Endless conversations, no resolution
Emotional shutdowns
Trust wounds
Feeling unseen
Underneath all of this is one core experience: They don’t feel emotionally safe with each other anymore. Most couples aren’t fighting each other; they’re fighting their nervous system responses, their unhealed triggers, old stories about love and safety, and the versions of themselves they’re trying to outgrow.
We often hear some variation of: “Nothing dramatic happened, but something is shifting, and I don’t want it to keep going this way.” That’s usually when they find us. They’re looking for answers, but also for language.
Whether they come to us early, when things feel “off”, or at a breaking point, we know this: If both partners are willing to do the work, change is absolutely possible. That willingness is where everything begins.
How do each of you support clients in overcoming these challenges through your coaching?
One of the first things clients notice is that we don’t coach the same way, and that’s intentional. Our differences are part of the medicine.
Austin’s Approach
Austin helps people make sense of what feels overwhelming. When emotions are high and patterns feel messy, he brings things back to ground level. He focuses on:
Emotional regulation
Rebuilding trust through consistent action
Reducing defensiveness and blame
Managing conflict without escalation
Helping clients communicate without shutting down
Creating structure when everything feels chaotic
He brings logic, clarity, and a steady presence that helps people feel anchored.
Benetta’s Approach
Benetta brings depth and emotional clarity. She has a way of noticing patterns within moments and gently naming what’s really happening beneath the surface. She focuses on:
Emotional awareness and language
Understanding attachment triggers
Healing subconscious and old relational wounds
Helping clients express themselves safely and honestly
Guiding partners into deeper empathy for each other
Softening the emotional walls that have built up over time
Her clients often say, “I’ve felt this for years but never knew how to say it until now.”
Together
When clients work with both of us, they get a blend of:
clarity and depth
structure and sensitivity
accountability and emotional safety
practical tools and inner shifts
Some of the most powerful breakthroughs happen because one of us asks a question the other wouldn’t have, and together, that unlocks an entirely new level of understanding.
We’re not interested in putting a bandage on the surface problem. We help clients shift the patterns underneath, so their transformation doesn’t fade once the sessions end.
What makes your combined approach unique compared to other coaches in the industry?
What makes our approach unique is that it sits at the intersection of lived experience, deep study, and a very practical understanding of how relationships actually function day to day.
Most coaching and therapy approaches tend to focus on just one layer – communication tips, mindset work, or emotional healing. But we deliberately work across all three.
Two Complementary Strengths, One Aligned Method
Austin simplifies complexity; Benetta goes straight to the emotional root. Clients get both:
the head and the heart
strategy and sensitivity
direction and emotional depth
It’s rare to experience that combination in one coaching space.
What core principles guide the way you work with couples?
We Don’t Teach Scripts – We Teach Patterns
We’re not big on “say this, not that” formulas. Instead, we help couples understand:
their nervous system triggers
their attachment styles in practice, not just theory
their conflict cycles
their repair habits (or lack of them)
the stories they’ve internalised about love, worthiness, and safety
When people understand their patterns, they don’t need scripts – they can respond with emotional intelligence.
We Challenge With Compassion
We don’t shame, and we don’t sugarcoat. Our clients feel:
safe enough to be honest
supported enough to try again when they slip
challenged enough to actually grow
understood enough to drop their defensiveness
We hold them to their highest potential, but we also honour how human and vulnerable this work can feel.
We Work at the Root
We don’t aim for “fewer fights for a few weeks.” We aim for sustainable, long-term change by identifying core wounds, shifting patterns, building emotional safety, and restoring trust.
Our uniqueness is simple: Two coaches. Two perspectives. One shared intention – to help couples build relationships that feel like a safe place to land, not another battlefield.
Can you share a powerful client success story that reflects the impact of your work as a team?
One of our favourite stories is actually from a couple who came to us not in crisis, but because they were growing so quickly as individuals that their relationship structure couldn’t keep up.
In our first session, we realised their goals weren’t misaligned – their definitions were. Words like “stability,” “success,” and “support” meant completely different things to each of them. We mapped out their definitions visually, revealing overlaps and gaps they’d never seen. At the same time, we uncovered a shared but unspoken fear: that continued growth might lead one to outgrow the other.
Over the next weeks, we helped them redesign how they:
made decisions
supported each other’s ambitions
communicated needs
created rituals that matched who they were becoming
During one session, they said: “We now realise that we’ve been planning our life around who we were, not who we’re becoming.” By the end, they were aligned in a way they had never been. Months later, they said: “You didn’t just help our relationship. You helped us become a better version of our team.” It reminded us that not all coaching is about solving problems – sometimes it’s about upgrading the relationship to match the level of life being built.
What are the first steps someone should take if they want to begin coaching with you?
We keep the process simple and human, because reaching out is often the hardest part.
Step 1 – Reach out. Most people send us a DM with a word like “RESET” or a short message about what they’re struggling with. That first step carries a lot of courage, and we don’t take it lightly.
Step 2 – A short clarity form. We ask a few focused questions to understand what’s happening and what you want to shift.
Step 3 – We assess fit. We look at readiness, commitment, emotional patterns, and timelines. We’re honest about whether we’re the right coaches for your situation, because misaligned coaching helps no one.
Step 4 – A personalised 7-Week Reset plan. If it’s aligned, we design a structured yet flexible plan based on your relationship history, emotional dynamics, communication style, and specific challenges.
Step 5 – You begin the work. Transformation starts when you show up – consistently, honestly, and with a willingness to look at yourself as much as the relationship.
People often tell us they feel lighter before the first session, simply because they’re no longer holding everything alone. Sometimes hope itself is the first shift.
How do you tailor your coaching process to meet the individual needs of each client?
No two relationships speak the same emotional language, so our coaching never follows a template. Each couple brings unique histories, triggers, communication habits, nervous system responses, expectations, and fears.
We begin by understanding:
each partner’s attachment style
how they fight and repair
their stress responses
unspoken resentments
past traumas
their beliefs about love and safety
where they feel stuck internally
From there, we tailor the coaching. Some need emotional regulation; others need trust rebuilding, communication work, boundaries, or self-worth development. We also coach each partner differently. One may need structure and clarity; the other may need depth and emotional space. We divide our focus intentionally.
And as clients grow, we adapt. Coaching should evolve as they evolve.
What roles do mindset, emotional clarity, and self-awareness play in the transformations you help clients achieve?
They’re foundational. You can’t build a healthy relationship on emotional autopilot.
Mindset shapes how partners interpret each other’s behaviour. A reactive mindset sees threat; a secure one sees perspective. Shifting from “Am I enough?” to “What are we protecting?” changes everything.
Emotional clarity prevents miscommunication. People often say they’re angry when they’re hurt, or annoyed when they’re overwhelmed. Naming the real emotion softens conflict.
Self-awareness is the power source. You can’t change what you don’t see. Awareness reduces defensiveness, assumptions, and reactivity.
Mindset gives direction. Emotional clarity gives language. Self-awareness gives choice.
When these align, transformation becomes natural.
What is one misconception about coaching or personal transformation that you both wish people understood better?
One of the biggest misconceptions is that coaching is about “fixing the relationship.” It isn’t.
Coaching is about understanding and evolving the people inside the relationship. The dynamic changes when the individuals do. Many couples arrive thinking:
“We just need better communication tools.”
“We need someone to tell us who’s right.”
“We need quick solutions to stop the arguments.”
Tools help, but they’re not the whole story. You can’t communicate clearly if you don’t understand what you’re feeling. You can’t feel emotionally safe with someone if you don’t feel grounded within yourself. You can’t build a connection if you’re disconnected from your own inner world.
Another misconception is that transformation should feel comfortable and linear.
Real growth often looks like confronting your own patterns, taking responsibility, letting go of ego and defensiveness, sitting with uncomfortable emotions, and unlearning habits that once protected you. It’s confronting, and it’s also deeply liberating. People often expect coaching to give them a checklist. What it really offers is awareness, responsibility, and the support to show up differently – over and over again.
What new programs, projects, or offerings are you currently developing to support your clients even more?
We’re creating resources for people at every stage of their journey – from quiet confusion to active crisis to intentional growth. These are for people who want tools they can start using immediately, even if they’re not ready for or able to access private coaching.
Everything we’re building has one intention: To make deep emotional work more accessible, practical, and human.
The Marriage Rescue Blueprint: A digital guide that helps couples identify core patterns, understand emotional cycles, and shift their dynamic quickly.
The 7-Day Emotional Reset: A short program to help individuals or couples calm their nervous system, recognise triggers, reset communication, and regain stability.
Relationship Pattern Quizzes: Quick, accurate quizzes that reveal someone’s emotional pattern – giving language to what they’ve been feeling.
Masterclasses: Deeper trainings on emotional safety, conflict repair, attachment, and communication.
New Workbooks: Tools for communication, intimacy, trust, conflict repair, and deeper understanding.
If someone reaches out today, what changes or results could they realistically expect within the next 90 days?
90 days might not sound like a long time, but if someone is willing to show up honestly and consistently, it’s enough to shift the entire emotional tone of a relationship.
Clients typically experience:
Emotional clarity – finally understanding what they feel and why.
Healthier communication – fewer escalations, more listening.
Less defensiveness – more curiosity, less blame.
Rebuilding trust – through small, consistent action.
Better emotional regulation – responding instead of reacting.
Renewed closeness – a lighter, more connected energy.
Clear structure – a roadmap instead of random advice.
A calmer home – less tension, more softness.
We never promise overnight change, but within 90 days, we often hear: “We finally feel like we’re on the same side again.”That shift is the foundation for everything that follows.
Read more from Austin Costantini & Benetta Mathew
.jpg)
