Grieve, Burn & Worship – Come Back to Your Body in Devotion and Fire
- Brainz Magazine
- Jul 4
- 6 min read
Bernadette Hall is a therapist, coach, and social worker with 15+ years’ experience in grief, loss, intimacy, and mindset. Founder of Grief Warriors and host of Bernadette Hall Talks, she guides women through sacred 1:1 mentorships to transform pain into power through ritual, embodiment, and soul-led healing.
This powerful piece invites you to reconnect with your body through the transformative rituals of grief, pleasure, and devotion. In a world that teaches us to shrink, hide, and punish our bodies, this article calls for a radical rebellion: to grieve what has been lost, to burn the stories that no longer serve you, and to worship what remains. With rituals that blend sacred self-care, sensuality, and profound healing, you are invited to rediscover your body as a source of power, love, and freedom. Step into the fire of your own transformation and reclaim what is yours.
The body’s reckoning
One day, you catch yourself in the mirror, and you don’t recognise who’s looking back.
The softness, the scars, the slowness, the weight of years and grief, they all stare back at you. You feel a low ache in your chest. You miss yourself.
Not just how you looked, but how it felt to want yourself. To walk into a room like you belonged. To feel alive under your skin. This is grief. And grief is not weakness; it is fire.
It’s the quiet breaking open before the becoming.
And here’s what no one told you:
You’re not meant to stay shattered.
Grieve what was.
Burn what no longer fits.
Worship what remains.
This is not about fixing yourself.
It’s about claiming yourself, scarred, soft, and still sovereign.
What is body grief?
Body grief is the mourning of the body you used to inhabit, and the fear of living in the one you have now.
It comes when your body changes, without your permission, through trauma, illness, pregnancy, disability, transition, heartbreak, or simply the slow insistence of time.
It shows up as the sting of estrangement from your reflection.
As the pull to hide.
As the ache of remembering what it felt like to feel wanted, and wondering if you ever will again.
Psychologists call this disenfranchised grief: grief that society doesn’t recognize (Kennedy, 2023).
We’re taught to erase it, numb it, or hustle past it.
We trade grief for shame.
We punish ourselves in silence.
But here’s what no one tells you:
When you let yourself feel it, and when you sit in the flames, it softens.
And what’s left is not shame.
What’s left is power.
Why grieving your body is rebellion
We’re told to “bounce back.”
To shrink, to fix, to disappear from view until we’re acceptable again.
We’re taught that pleasure is a reward for perfection.
But grief interrupts the script.
It whispers:
"This body has survived.
This body deserves more than punishment.
This body deserves to burn and to be blessed."
Grieving your body is rebellion.
Letting it burn is liberation.
Worshipping it? That's a revolution.
Why pleasure belongs here
We’ve been sold the lie that pleasure is earned. That it’s something you get only after you “deserve” it, after you fix yourself, earn approval, get your “body back.”
No.
Grief and pleasure are not enemies; they are sisters.
One cracks you open.
The other fills you up.
Grief burns away the illusion.
Pleasure reminds you that what remains is still divine.
Research shows touch, warmth, connection, even erotic play, activates the parasympathetic nervous system and rebuilds a sense of safety in the body (McConnell & Frohlich, 2019).
Pleasure is not indulgent; it’s fire.
It reminds your body it still belongs to you.
The pleasure principle
This is what I call the Pleasure Principle:
Pleasure is not earned; it is your birthright.
Pleasure is not indulgent; it is sacred.
Pleasure is not selfish; it is your rebellion.
Pleasure does not care what scars you carry.
It does not wait for permission.
It whispers: "This body is still yours. Touch it like you mean it."
Even neuroscience agrees: pleasure and grief both activate the brain’s attachment and reward centers, one dismantling old bonds, the other forming new ones (O’Connor et al., 2008).
Burn what no longer fits
When your body changes, you may want to shrink.
To withdraw.
To erase yourself.
But what if you didn’t shrink?
What if you lit a match instead?
Burn the rules about what bodies “should” look like.
Burn the shame.
Burn the story that you are broken.
Every time you reach for pleasure, even a little, you tell your body:
"You are still mine. You still deserve to feel good."
Devotion Is the Opposite of Shame
Devotion is fierce.
It is sensual.
It is sacred.
Devotion means staying with yourself when it would be easier to numb out.
It means blessing what you’ve been taught to hate.
It means turning touch into worship instead of war.
You don’t have to wait to be flawless.
You don’t have to wait to feel worthy.
You don’t have to wait at all.
You can start tonight.
Devotion whispers:
"This body is my altar.
This body is my lover.
This body is enough."
10 rituals to grieve, burn & worship
Here are ten rituals to cross through the fire, and come back to yourself, dripping in devotion, literally like gold running oil.
1. Goodbye & welcome letters
Write a letter to the body you’ve lost, name what you miss, bless it, burn it.
Then write to the body you have now: "I promise to listen to you. To touch you. To delight in you."
2. Candlelight touch
Stand bare in a quiet room.
Light candles. Run your hands slowly over your skin, not to fix, but to feel. Say aloud:
"This body is mine. This body deserves pleasure."
3. Mirror blessing
This one is my personal favourite. Look at yourself fully, even at the parts you avoid.
Touch them and say: "You are beautiful. You belong. You burn."
4. Self-Pleasure as prayer
Turn self-touch into a ceremony.
Oil. Music. Breath.
Not for performance. Not even for release.
But for reverence.
5. Intimacy with another
When ready, invite someone in.
Speak your grief aloud.
Ask for slowness.
Let yourself be seen.
Make love not as a performance but as an offering: "This body has survived. Tonight it receives love." Words are spells of pure magick.
6. Pleasure in daily life
Devotion isn’t confined to the bedroom.
It lives in every choice to honour yourself:
Savouring your coffee
Letting sunlight warm your skin
Adorning yourself even on hard days
Resting without apology
7. Fire ritual
Write down every belief you were taught about what a body “should” be.
Burn it. Let the ashes bless the earth, and even better, do it on a new moon; there is more potency.
8. Body anointing
Warm oil in your hands.
Press it into your skin.
Name each part as you go:
"Holy. Sacred. Enough."
9. The wild walk
Take yourself outside.
Barefoot if you can.
Feel your weight.
Let the earth hold you.
Move the way your body wants, uncontained.
10. The breath of worship
Lie on your back.
One hand on your heart.
One hand between your hips or womb, if you are a goddess. Own it.
Breathe.
Feel what’s alive.
Worship what remains
This is not about perfection.
Not about approval.
Not about waiting to deserve love.
It’s about meeting yourself where you are, bloody raw and real.
It’s about blessing what you thought was unworthy.
It’s about worshipping what remains.
Grief opened the door.
Pleasure pulled you through.
Now worship what’s left standing.
Collective devotion
You are not alone.
We all carry shame that doesn’t belong to us.
But we can heal together, in circles, in rituals, in spaces where no one is judged and everyone is seen.
Now I am going to leave you all with these last thoughts and reflect. Imagine a world where:
People bless their scars and curves together.
People admit their grief and still claim pleasure.
People light candles for each other and call it holy.
We begin building that world by starting with ourselves.
Closing: Grieve. Burn. Worship
Grieve what you lost.
Burn what no longer serves you.
Worship what remains.
Let your body weep, ache, bloom, and remember.
Let it rest in candlelight and gentle hands.
Let it pulse with hunger and awe.
Tonight:
Light the flame.
Run your hands over your skin.
Whisper:
"This is my home.
This is my altar.
This is enough."
You deserve that much.
Because your body remembers, and it still burns for you.
Read more from Bernadette Hall
Bernadette Hall, Grief, Loss and Intimacy Specialist
Bernadette Hall is a qualified coach, therapist, and social worker with over 15 years of experience in grief, loss, intimacy, mindset, parenting, and mental health. She is the founder of Grief Warriors and creator of Grieve with the Goddess, a six-month 1:1 mentorship guiding women through sacred, embodied grief work. Holding a Master’s in Social Work and advanced training in therapeutic coaching and integrative psychotherapy, Bernadette blends psychology, ritual, and somatic healing to support deep transformation. She also hosts the Bernadette Hall Talks podcast, where she shares soulful reflections on emotional resilience, feminine healing, and the power of grief alchemy.
