Fight To Win – Not To Hurt
- Brainz Magazine
- Oct 22, 2021
- 3 min read
Written by: Tracy J. Hoffman, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Did you ever feel like your mind was on fire and not in a good way?
Maybe someone treated you poorly, or perhaps you just had too much stress for any reason, and what happened?
You lost your temper, you said something in the heat of the moment that you knew you would regret later, maybe you wrote an angry email and hit send even if you knew it would not help you get your point across.
I get you, sometimes we lose it, but it doesn´t help us…. At all.
What if you instead took a deep breath, took a break, and then got back to the stressful situation? How would you handle it then? Would you look at the situation differently?¨
What if you talked to someone like a coach? That would help you see where the other person is coming from and could help you keep your cool and see things more strategic than emotional. Would that benefit you?
We all know that when we lose our temper, we lose more than that. We don´t only lose that fight. We lose a lot more, like the respect we have earned for the work we did or the expertise we have.
In a conflict, especially if it is an essential issue that you need to have a positive outcome, it is crucial to put your feelings aside and think about how you can reach your goal, what the other person needs to hear to agree with you.
And always try to avoid going into a payback or revenge mood. If you do that, you are most of all hurting yourself, not the person you are angry with.
What can you do to control the situation?
If you lose your temper, remove yourself from the situation instantly, ask for a break if it is a meeting and that you can continue later.
Try to see the whole situation, where the other person is coming from, what triggered them, and what triggered you. Sometimes, it is fear of failing or not feeling good enough. Sometimes you are being mistreated and need to put up boundaries. If that is the case, find a way to do it in a way that gives you peace.
Look at the situation, what can you control (yourself and your reaction), and what can you not control (the other person and their response)
Always take the higher ground, don’t gossip or spread rumors and if people talk behind your back, let them, their problem with you is none of your business, and one day they will learn the truth.
If you are a leader and have a conflict in a team, try to understand both sides and be brave enough to make a difficult decision if they can´t solve it.
And remember, all conflicts are not harmful. Sometimes, we learn a lot from them and get new knowledge and perspectives.
Be kind and forgiving but also be aware of toxic people and put up the necessary boundaries. When a conflict occurs, it's never about winning the battle. It's about reaching your goals in the long term and keeping peace of mind at the same time.
I have helped clients understand their triggers in conflicts and where their power in the situation has been and understand the other person's perspective enough to be able to communicate with them to move forward. If you found this article useful, I would love a follow on my Instagram or TikTok, where I talk coaching and Intellectual Property, and don’t hesitate to reach out if you think I can help you
Tracy J. Hoffman, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine Tracy J Hoffman is a coach/advisor/speaker and her areas are learn how to protect your brand as a Trademark and manage other Intellectual Property, Leadership, and Career building she has a unique understanding of how to read and understand the client/situation and to communicate her knowledge by breaking down the complicated areas and simplify. She has a background working at the Swedish Intellectual Property office with International Training Programs in Intellectual Property for 6 years and as a representative for the Employees at the same office coaching employees and leaders, in reorganizations, conflicts and negotiations and she has been working herself up from unqualified to qualified positions, that is why she understands the challenges in all these areas very well. Her mission is to empower businesses and people by helping them to grow, manage their rights and have tools to stand up for themselves when necessary and understand how to solve challenges.
