Expert Guidance on Emotional Health, ADHD, Autism, and Self-Discovery – Interview with Sandra Merula
- Mar 27
- 6 min read
Updated: Mar 31
Sandra Merula is a Mental Health & Life Coach, author of “ADHD and Autism. The ‘Together’ People,” working as a mentor at the intersection of Autism, ADHD, trauma, and power dynamics. A neurodivergent thinker herself, she challenges rigid diagnostic narratives and explores identity beyond labels. Her work blends structure with intuition, psychology with depth, and clarity with unapologetic honesty. Through her writing and cat-assisted philosophy, she invites individuals to rebuild identity consciously, not obediently.
Sandra Merula, Mental Health Coach, Neurodiversity Mentor
Who is Sandra Merula?
Sandra Merula is a mental health and life coach, ADHD, autism, OCD, AuDHD, and BPD mentor and author who works patiently with emotional health and neurodiversity, with a particular focus on the complex experience of living with AuDHD herself.
My story, however, did not begin with a professional title. It began with trying to understand my own mind.
For many years, my life moved through constant extremes. Peace felt unfamiliar to me, and during calmer periods, I sometimes recreated chaos, almost as if I needed to confirm the painful things I had been told about myself growing up.
For a long time, that cycle defined my life. The shift came when I began looking at life from a different perspective. I started seeing it almost like a complex computer game. In a game, you make decisions, you face consequences, you lose some rounds and win others, but you also keep learning how to play better. You can always do better!
At some point, I asked myself a question that changed everything. What if everything I had been through, the chaos, the mistakes, the painful relationships, the self-blame, could become something useful?
What if those experiences could help someone else understand themselves sooner than I did? Remembering how very much I needed someone understanding, a mentor, who would tell gide me through the darkness, or happily salute me if I succeeded.
That idea eventually became my work.
“You have to go through the darkest of times to become the person you would have needed in those moments. And that person is your life’s purpose.” – Jenny Dinovi
Today, I work with people from many different walks of life, teenagers trying to understand themselves, adults navigating identity and burnout, professionals struggling with confidence, couples, parents, and individuals who feel that their inner world does not fit into conventional expectations. But mostly, trying to slowly show people who is actually suffering (inner child), or who is the real enemy of your beautiful self (you!).
A particularly important part of my work focuses on neurodivergent individuals, especially those living with both ADHD and autism. If the experiences I described earlier can feel intense, neurodivergent people often live them at an entirely different level.
I once heard a sentence that stayed with me, “Someone you needed most in your darkest moments often becomes your life’s purpose.” That idea resonates deeply with my work today.
At the same time, I remain a student of this work. Human psychology is complex, and growth never really ends. As the saying goes, if you think you have learned everything, you have learned nothing.
And perhaps that is why I often joke that I will always be a bootmaker without boots, someone who helps others repair their shoes while continuing to walk and learn herself.
My work begins where people finally stop trying to fix themselves and start understanding how their minds were always meant to work. I actually start to forget and hardly believe that before fully entering the field of mental health and neurodiversity, I spent over fifteen years working in business leadership, including roles as a general manager in sales and in the fashion industry. It’s extraordinary what shifts we might experience in life!
What inspired you to focus your work on emotional health and neurodiversity?
My work started long before I had a professional title for it. It started with trying to understand my own mind. For many years, I lived the same experience that many of my clients now describe, feeling different, intense, misunderstood, and constantly trying to “fix” myself. Only later did I understand that I was navigating life as a neurodivergent person. That realization changed everything. It helped me see how many people, especially those with both ADHD and autism, grow up believing they are broken, when in reality, they were never given the right framework to understand themselves. My book “ADHD and Autism: The Together People” grew from that experience. I wanted to describe the daily realities of living with both conditions, not just the clinical definitions. Today, my work focuses on helping people understand their emotional patterns, rebuild self-trust, and finally feel that their inner world makes sense.
What are the most common challenges your clients face before they come to you?
Most people who come to me are exhausted from trying to function within systems that were never designed for how their minds work. Many of them are highly intelligent, deeply empathetic, and incredibly talented. But internally, they often feel chaotic or overwhelmed. Some of the patterns I see most often include:
chronic burnout from years of masking
feeling like they are “too much” emotionally or “all over the place” physically
difficulty trusting themselves or their decisions
cycles of overthinking and self-sabotage
confusion about identity and purpose
Many of my clients have spent years being told they are lazy, dramatic, or overly sensitive. In reality, they are usually people who have been navigating life without the right language or understanding for their experiences. Once that understanding begins to form, things start changing surprisingly quickly.
What makes your coaching or mentoring different from other support options out there?
The biggest difference is that I approach emotional health from three directions, psychology (mostly one tool in particular, lived experience, and pattern recognition. I am not speaking as an outside observer about neurodiversity. I understand it from the inside. That allows me to notice patterns that are often overlooked, especially in people who live at the intersection of ADHD, autism, trauma, or high emotional sensitivity. Another key difference is that my work focuses heavily on identity reconstruction. Many people arrive believing they are fundamentally flawed. Instead of teaching coping strategies, we work on understanding the deeper internal narratives that shaped how they see themselves. When those narratives change, behavior and emotional regulation often shift naturally. Real change usually begins when people stop fighting their minds and start understanding how it actually works.
What results can someone expect after working with you one-on-one?
The most important change people experience is clarity. For many of my clients, it is the first time their inner world makes sense. Instead of feeling like they are constantly battling themselves, they start recognizing patterns in how they think, react, and process emotions. Some of the shifts people often report include:
reduced mental chaos and overthinking
stronger emotional boundaries
greater self-trust when making decisions
improved relationships and communication
a sense of identity that feels authentic rather than forced
My goal is not to create dependence on guidance. It is to help people develop the ability to understand themselves well enough to navigate life with confidence and self-respect.
What advice would you give to someone who’s struggling but hasn’t reached out for help yet?
If you feel overwhelmed, misunderstood, or as if your mind is somehow “too complicated” to figure out, you are far from alone. Many people spend years believing their struggles mean something is fundamentally wrong with them. In reality, what they often lack is not strength or intelligence, but the right framework to understand how their mind works. You deserve clarity about your own inner world. And asking for support is not a sign of weakness. It is often the first step toward finally feeling at home in your own mind. Some advice I heard exactly 2 days ago, which actually left me super impressed, made me feel safe. If that is ok, I’ll pass it through, “In this day and age, when we have everything, we lack even more, and to feel even more miserable, we turn to too much incorrect social media, where we start to compare ourselves to others, always us being the failure, let’s be, we must be insanely, unopologetically, absurdly to the point that it is hilarious, forgiveful to ourselves. You think someone will come and tell you to ease up? To chill? To stop, breathe, and think for a minute? No, ain’t happening. So please, no matter what, try to hear, amid all this noise, how very much you need your own kindness and forgiveness, so please, leave yourself the heck at peace!
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