Embracing Predictable Unpredictability in Parenting a Child with Autism
- Apr 20
- 4 min read
Autism and disability support isn’t just about care, it’s about understanding, empowerment, and real-life strategies that change lives. Drawing from decades of experience as a CEO, author, and parent, I share insights and practical tools that help families, carers, and professionals navigate challenges with confidence.
When you read the heading of this blog, you may think you know what I’m going to say, but you’ll be surprised by the end of this blog to learn what you have learned. When you have a child with autism, learning needs, or any disability, your life becomes extremely unpredictable. I’m not just talking about unpredictability once in a while, but on a daily basis, to the point that the only thing predictable in your life is the unpredictability.
How ironic is it when you can only predict the unpredictable?
Let’s give you an example. Like anyone else, in the evening, you think about the number of tasks you have planned for the next day or the rest of the week. Whether it is work-related or house chores, you have a list of things to do. You then tell yourself you’ll sleep by 10 p.m., or at the latest by 11 p.m., so you can get an early start and begin working through your list.
Whilst you’re planning this and thinking ahead, you suddenly realize your autistic child has sneaked into the downstairs toilet and flooded the entire bathroom because she loves playing with water. The water has even spread into the landing area, and now you’re left with a lot of cleaning to do. Then suddenly, the lights trip off. You’re wondering what’s going on, and that’s when you realize that the water splashed into the light switch as well, which caused a short circuit. Now you’re messing with the fuse box, trying to figure out how to get the lights back on. While you’re doing this, your daughter gets into more mischief. You are also left with a huge cleaning task, which takes you a good hour or more. You’re obviously trying to clean up all the water while making sure your autistic daughter is safe, fed, and all her needs are met.
This has set you back a few hours into the evening.
Then, of course, comes the sleep routine and the lack of sleep. So, not only are you behind schedule with your plans, but your child has also decided to pull an all-nighter.
Staying awake with your child until they fall asleep has obviously set you back even more the next day. You finally send them to school, and now you’re left with finding an electrician. You haven’t even looked at your list because you have other things to deal with that were never part of the plan.
By the time the electrician arrives, fixes the lights, and charges you an arm and a leg, you are exhausted from the night before and the lack of sleep. You then have no choice but to take a nap, as you know you have to be functioning for your child when they come back from school.
Your child is now back from school, and that’s the end of your day. The above is just one example.
Imagine the lack of sleep, lack of routine, lack of proper meals, flooded bathrooms, broken walls, broken doors and windows, unplanned lengthy cleaning around the house, smearing incidents, extra laundry, extra bills, and much more every single day. All of this eats into your plans and takes away all the predictability of your life because this is the life you live every single day, not because you are unorganized, but because you are a carer for your autistic or disabled child.
Hence, the only predictability left in your life is its unpredictability. I have not even touched on the unpredictability of challenging behaviors. That is a separate blog, or actually, an entire chapter on its own.
Behavioral challenges are among the most difficult to deal with, and when you add them to the mix of all the above I’ve mentioned, life becomes even more unpredictable.
So, every day, when I wake up, I don’t know what time I’ll go to sleep that night, and I function with the attitude that my plans aren't going according to plan, to avoid any disappointment. Imagine getting disappointed every single day, several times a day. You will not be able to cope and function. So, the best way for us parents is to embrace the unpredictability and go with the flow because that’s the only way.
So, here we are, living and loving the unpredictable life that we lead and making the most of what we can. After all, it’s all about your mindset. The minute we change our mindset and adapt, things change. We start looking at everything in a different light.
Those who have children with disabilities will know what I’m talking about, and those who don’t, I hope this has helped you understand what disabled people and their parents/carers go through daily.
One thing I can do as an autism specialist is help people understand challenging behaviors and teach them how to navigate them in positive ways. This may not eliminate unpredictability, but it will certainly equip you to manage challenging behaviors more effectively and avoid future triggers. You can sign up for one of our Autism Trainings and learn behavior analysis and how to manage challenging behaviors.
Until next time, my beautiful readers. Stay safe and stay blessed!
Read more from Faria Arsh
Faria Arsh, CEO & Founder of Autism Foundation
Faria Arsh is a multi-award-winning CEO, best-selling author, and international speaker. As Founder of The Autism Foundation, she empowers families, carers, and professionals to support autistic and disabled individuals with confidence, compassion, and real results.
Her work is shaped by personal experience as the mother of a teenage daughter with severe autism, ADHD, and profound learning difficulties. Recognised internationally, including awards in Dubai, Faria is redefining care, inclusion, and empowerment, creating a world where autistic and disabled individuals are understood, respected, and supported to thrive.
