Becoming Unapologetically You Through the Lessons No One Talks About
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 9
- 8 min read
Julia Corotan is a Papua New Guinea-raised Filipino, giving her a unique perspective on life and people. After feeling lost and burnt out in the middle of college, she started writing as a way to express and process her feelings. She then started her blog, Amica Mea, as a means to connect with others who were struggling with the same issues.
Have you ever heard people say that smiles can be a form of a shield? A face that, when you first see it on a person, looks like everything is okay. A front that convinces people that life is smooth sailing and that there are no problems behind that “beautiful smile.” A smile is often a façade that many use to conceal different emotions such as sadness, loneliness, troubles, and problems.
So, what do we mean by becoming unapologetically you? We define this as striving to become the person you want to be, rather than the person others dictate you should be. You shouldn’t apologize for pursuing your own goals and dreams.
Life lesson #1: Choosing yourself, and putting yourself first doesn’t make you weak or selfish
Do you sometimes hear the words, “You chose yourself. You’re selfish for doing that. You didn’t even consider the other”? But did anybody also consider your feelings? Or even ask if you were doing okay?
I used to think that if I chose myself, I was selfish, that I didn’t deserve to choose myself first before others. However, consistently choosing others over myself in fear of hurting people made me exhausted, and I became burned out. I then became a person I hardly recognized in the mirror. I learned that it's okay to choose myself and put myself first sometimes. No one out there will understand us better than ourselves, and sometimes we need to choose ourselves for our own sake, for the sake of our sanity and well-being. It doesn’t make you selfish; sometimes you need a break, too.
Becoming unapologetically you. My smile was my shield, wall, and front that I had put up to avoid painful questions, apologetic stares, and judgment from others. It was my way to keep my “sanity” together, to avoid the pain, the loneliness, and the problems. I swept my overwhelming emotions under the rug because that was the only way I thought would save me from breaking. But I became a person I could not even recognize in the mirror, a stranger. And I no longer wanted to be her. So, I chose to ride the emotions, learn from what was happening, and finally accept and heal from everything that had happened. Many know this as trauma, but a decade ago, even five years ago, I couldn’t bring myself to say that I had my trauma.
I hid behind my smile for many years. Honestly? Ten years, to be exact. A decade of my life, my problems, sadness, and loneliness were hidden behind a front, a wall that I had put up around me, a barrier between me and the people around me. It was a wall built so well that not everyone could see through it. Some called me heartless because of this. But I was trying to save myself in the only way that I thought I could.
Life lesson #2: You are human, you have emotions, and that doesn’t make you weak
It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to feel angry, it’s okay to feel your feelings. The more you bottle up your emotions, the more you avoid them, and the more you sweep them under the rug, the harder it will be to confront them. And later on in life, you will still be greeted by the same emotions you once tried to avoid. So, it is okay to feel. It is okay to give yourself time to think, to heal, and to accept. We’re human, remember that; we're not robots. We have emotions. So, it's okay to feel them.
Yesterday, today, tomorrow, and in the future, I choose to be unapologetically her. Unapologetically me. Finally, be that person who, when asked, “Why do you have such a positive outlook on life?”, “Why do you view the world in so much light despite all the negativity happening around us?”, “Why do you seem like you have no problems at all, like everything is okay with you?”, can answer truthfully.
Truth be told, I wasn’t always like this. When I tried to feel happy, I felt like I didn’t deserve happiness. I didn’t deserve to smile, and I didn’t deserve to find the light or a glimpse of positivity in all the negativity happening around us. But one day, I realized that to save my sanity and keep going, I needed to change. I needed to find a small glimmer of positivity in everything.
I had thought my 20s were going to be a walk in the park, smooth sailing, because it had seemed that every 20-year-old I encountered looked like they had life figured out. However, my 20s were a decade, or an era, in my life that I thought I would never escape, and that I would have to carry the burden, the pain, and the troubles for the rest of my life. It was a rollercoaster, because that is the closest word I can think of to describe my feelings. And with all the problems and negativity in the world, I felt like smiling wasn’t something I deserved.
Life lesson #3: No one's life is perfect, but the choice of how your life turns out is up to you
Dictate how you want that book to turn out. You put in the hard work, you push yourself to lead and live the life you want, because that book is your story, your life. Even with the influence or the help of others around us, it is up to us to choose how we want to live life.
Think of it this way: when you are 90 and looking back on life, did you live the life you had dreamed for yourself, or is there regret? You are the author of your own story. And there is no such thing as a perfect life, because we will fall, we will fail, but we will learn, pick ourselves up, and keep going.
Then it hit me. The only way to get out of this is not to drown myself in my troubles. My past will always be a part of me, and my trauma will always be a part of me. The only way to move forward was to accept everything, to put it behind me, to know that it is all in the past, but it will always be a part of me. So, I should keep going, taking one step at a time, even though it will be a long journey. One step is all it takes, a simple step, a glimmer of hope, and a spark of positivity to keep going. The trauma I experienced and the events that shaped me will be the lessons that I carry forward. And yesterday, today, and tomorrow, this will be the encouragement that keeps pushing me.
Life lesson #4: Just go for it, nothing will be lost if you at least try; the greatest adventures are often found outside our comfort zone
Have you always wanted to try something but have always been scared to do it? What is stopping you? Fear? Just go for it. Try it at least once, that’s how you’ll know if it’s something you’d like or not. Nothing will be lost. Because getting out of our comfort zone and trying the things we have always been too scared to try, or think we are not good enough for, are out there for us to grab. We just have to take that one step to discover if it is for us or not.
Every time anyone asks me, “How were your 20s?” my default answer is always, “It was a rollercoaster ride.” However, my experiences differ from those of others. It may be similar in some aspects, but I know that we each have a unique journey and a distinct story to tell. However, the one thing that we all have in common is our emotions, feelings, thoughts, and opinions. Everything we go through is valid, and each passing day, we should choose to live our lives, not somebody else’s.Choose yourself every day. Your mind and body will thank you later.
Life lesson #5: Don’t let one mistake, one failure, define your life
We’re human; we make mistakes, and it's a part of life. Just like taking an exam back in school, we fail, we make mistakes, but we learn so that we don’t repeat them. That’s life. We make mistakes, we fail, but we learn. And we shouldn’t let one mistake or one failure define our whole life.
Because in today’s world, we are surrounded by the many influences of the different lives of others. The exposure to social media and seeing how others live compared to us, the many judgments and stares we receive because we aren’t living the life people have expected of us, and the opinions of others that influence our life decisions, all these are factors in today’s world. However, at the end of every day, it is still up to you to make the choice. That is the one thing we have in life that no one can ever take away from us. CHOICE.
Today, when asked why I have such a positive outlook on life, my answer is simple: we don’t need any more negativity in this world. I CHOOSE to find the smallest joy and positivity in everything, every day. If I can see the slightest positivity and light in something, I will take that. Once upon a time, I held on to hope that everything would be okay. And that HOPE saved me. So if I choose to see and take the slightest positivity, then maybe one day our world could be filled with the positivity that we all crave.
So take that light, that hope, that glimmer of positivity. Because change must begin somewhere, and it must start with you making that choice.
We all have our problems and traumas, but those don’t define who we are. They are just part of our journey. We can choose to live the life we want with just a little hard work and perseverance. And we can become the person we want to be by taking a step at a time. Everything comes down to our CHOICES. Our past is our past; we can’t erase it, but our future is one that we write. So don’t let your past define your life today. Use that past to shape you into the person you want to be. Accept what happened, learn from it, and choose to become better and to become unapologetically you.
Remember, you are not alone. There is a community of people out there who are also on the same journey as you. Reach out to us or follow us on here, Instagram (@amicameablog), or Facebook (@amicameablog). Let’s go on this journey of navigating life together, one step at a time.
Read more from Julia Mae Corotan
Julia Mae Corotan, Motivational Speaker and Content Creator
Julia Corotan has always been passionate about studying and learning about different cultures. As a Filipino born and raised in Papua New Guinea, where her parents worked, she was nurtured in a community with diverse cultures and instilled a desire to help others. She took this a step further when she joined and worked for AIESEC, an international leadership organization with a presence in over 100 countries. She also began her blog, Amica Mea (My Beloved or My Companion in Latin), as a way to connect with others struggling with burnout and feeling lost about their path in life. Her mission: Connection through stories.
