Aloneness vs. Loneliness
- Brainz Magazine
- Jun 7, 2021
- 7 min read
Written by: Dr. Gigi Arnaud, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Woo-hoo! We’re just about finished with this era of the COVID pandemic. This is considered a short time for a pandemic (or plague) in the long span of history. For those who have struggled and lost loved ones, the time cannot be measured nor the pain of this period diminished.
We have experienced a sense of ‘isolation’ with the whole world shutting down and staying in. For some, this gave us the time and space to introspect and transition to new ways of thinking and living. Though this may feel scary and even overwhelming to some, i.e., those of us who have experienced some trauma, this part of it is not necessarily a bad thing.
For many, this isolation increased the feelings of ‘loneliness’ and/or ‘aloneness.’ Let’s differentiate between the two.
Here are some dictionary definitions:
Aloneness. Having no one else present, on one’s own, without others’ help or participation. (I’m adding to this: emotional participation too).
Loneliness. Sadness because one has no company; isolation; fact of being without companions.
Aloneness. It seems to be more of an internal experience. It can be your soul’s feeling of ‘being alone’ in the world, often due to childhood trauma.
Loneliness. It seems to be more physical; many of us have been living alone and working alone. The feeling of loneliness, being without companions or people, often affects extroverted folks more than introverts.
There is a subtle yet immense difference between the two words and concepts. We often use these words interchangeably, but they are not the same. Words are so important: the ones we use with others, personally and professionally, and mostly, the words we say to ourselves.
Our subconscious minds listen and believe what we say to ourselves and act accordingly. So, observing, becoming aware of, and, if necessary, changing these words can have a great positive impact on our lives.
We all know that life is made of ups and downs. As human beings, it is ‘normal’ to feel lonely at times. Loneliness is part of the human experience and can happen, whether surrounded by people or just with your spouse or partner or friend. As a matter of fact, you can sometimes feel the loneliest and the most alone when you’re with someone you love, and they’re there (physically) but not really there (emotionally). If you are constantly and consistently feeling ‘alone,’ then it may be worth getting professional help (i.e., mindset/trauma life coach, therapist) to understand your particular view of the world better.
Opportunities
Besides feeling loneliness and aloneness, this time of chaos, challenge, and Covid, gave us lots of time to be with ourselves. Whether you’re aware of it or not, it offered us one or many opportunities to make changes, personal and professional, that you may not have been quite ready to make; for your healing, progress, growth, developing new inner strengths, or to change a job, career, location or lifestyle.
I know this transformation is doable because I did it myself. It took me some time to overcome my fears and to be at peace with my decision to leave my 30 plus year career as a dentist, then to go full force toward a career I’ve been doing part-time for the last 17 years and have loved, as a Mindset Life coach and Hypnotherapist. Having to stay at home through much of Covid gave me the time to sit and ‘listen’ to my inner voice and then take the time to make a decision I was sure of in my body, mind, and soul. Making the decision was the hard part.
Then, I had to learn how to establish and run a new and different type of business, which included learning lots of technology (which I’m admittedly less than talented at), a new way of working, and a very different lifestyle. I researched and worked to get my finances to proceed with reason and pragmatism after deciding with my heart and gut (intuition) first.
It seems that those who are more extroverted had a more difficult time with loneliness during the pandemic than those who are more introverted. This makes sense and must be considered. Here’s a bit about the introvert----ambivert----extrovert spectrum of behavior.
Introvert, Ambivert, Extrovert:
To transform your thinking, which also transforms your behaviors, actions, and consequently, your life, whether during a pandemic or at any other time, you must first do the inner work of introspection, self-assessment, and self-evaluation. This inner work can be challenging, especially for those who prefer not to spend too much time alone, those on the extrovert side of the spectrum of an introvert, ambivert, and extrovert.
Introverts get their energy and recharge from being alone, whereas extroverts get their energy from being with and around others. So, these extroverts had a long time period (more than a year) when they weren’t able to ‘recharge’ fully by going out and/or socializing with others. This caused loneliness and, for many, some added anxiety and/or depression too.
Most people are a mixture of both (ambivert); most of us lie more on one side of this spectrum than the other. For example, you may like working alone, need time for yourself, perhaps reading, writing, painting, etc., but still want and like to be connected to others (introvert with some extroverted behaviors). It’s important to note that you may ‘look like’ one and actually be more of the other. I know this to be true. I really like being with and meeting people and socializing but in smaller, more intimate groups. I need my time and space alone to recalibrate my mind and body. I enjoy being my own boss and many ‘solitary’ activities like reading, painting, dancing to music at home. So, I am more of an introvert but look and seem more like an extrovert. I am not shy. I love meeting and speaking with new people, and I’m curious about their lives and stories.
Wherever you lie on this spectrum, know that you can learn to respond (in a positive way) to this time by yourself, rather than react to your feelings and emotions alone. You do not have control of external circumstances, but you can control your responses to them. You want to stay in the responsive mode, your peaceful, home mode, rather than the reactive mode (which keeps your nervous system activated and on alert and keeps you anxious).
No matter if you’re an introvert, ambivert, or extrovert, your goal here is to discover (or re-discover) who you authentically are and how you function optimally. Then, you can take action. If you’re an introvert, you may want to take walks to see and connect with nature and your own inner voice and intuition. If you’re an extrovert, you may want to do the same and maybe, add more time speaking to friends, family, colleagues, either in person, online, or on the phone.
Solutions for loneliness:
Go out and talk to others. I do this all the time. I live in NYC and often go to cafes in my area, drink some good coffee, read a book or meet and chat with friends….or strangers.
Volunteer. This allows you to connect with others, make new friends and gain a sense of community while also helping others, which gives you a sense of meaning, which makes sense; all humans need to belong and have a sense of purpose.
Volunteering also keeps you engaged and stimulated, which counteracts the cognitive decline, such as memory loss, associated with loneliness.
Join a group or club, i.e., Meetup. There are so many possibilities, both in-person and online.
Practice self-care, i.e., exercise, sunshine, a healthy diet, sleep quality, etc.
Social media (for some). While social media may be good for some to beat loneliness, for others, it can have the opposite effect and make them feel even lonelier and more isolated.
Solutions for Aloneness:
Aloneness may have to do with your view of the world and may very well be related to trauma. If you’re feeling very alone, please reach out.
For both loneliness and aloneness:
Be curious about what’s out there, who’s out there, who you can meet, what you can do, and most important of all, what you can learn and how you can grow. There’s a larger world to discover, in person or online. Make full use of your fabulous imagination, creativity, and mind, too. Life can sometimes be tough, but it’s also big and beautiful. It’s now a great time to regain your sense of joie de vivre (zest for life)!
With smiles and love,
Dr. Gigi
If you want or need an ally to help you to change and improve your thought patterns to more positive and helpful ones, or to help guide you through your way of being with yourself, please feel free to reach out www.gigiarnaud.com or on social media links: Instagram, Facebook, and LinkedIn.
Let’s have a conversation!
Dr. Gigi Arnaud, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Dr. Gigi Arnaud is an award-winning, NYC-based Mindset Coach, Hypnotherapist, and Speaker. For over thirty years, she worked as a dentist in her own private practice and, 17 years ago, also decided to become a certified life coach and hypnotherapist. For so many years, she had been that smiling person who looked sunny and successful on the outside yet was quietly suffering on the inside. Through her own discovery and years of training and treatment (i.e., coaching, therapy, and more), she did the work to change from the inside out and unlock the traps inside her mind. Now, she helps others do the same and change their negative and unhelpful thought patterns to those more aligned with who they authentically are, what they truly want, and how to get there (actions). She uses her unique ‘art and science’ background, intuition, and practical tools to help her clients hear their own unique voices so that they finally flourish in their personal and professional lives. Her mission: Transform your thinking to transform your life, become the real you, and thrive!
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