Written by: Breanne Burke, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Confidence isn’t taught, it’s learned. To truly embody the skill of confidence it needs to be refined, practiced, consistently tested, and ingrained. Confidence is not something humans are born with; instead, it is something that we build, strengthen, and develop over time. Confidence is one of those traits that is universally desired. We seek to feel it in ourselves, in our relationships, in our jobs, and our purpose in life. However, despite this universal desire, the gaining of confidence remains elusive for many of us, it doesn’t just randomly appear on our doorstep after we’ve put in a magic number of hardworking years. It is something that needs to be practiced. In this article, I will be giving you an evidence-based step-by-step guide on how to effectively build and strengthen your confidence from the inside out.
Step 1: Understanding the Basics of Self-Trust
Similar to confidence, self-trust does not come easy. When you have a strong foundation of self-trust, you will feel confident in making decisions. On the other hand, when you lack trust in yourself, you will struggle to be confident in your decision-making.
Therefore, if you are struggling with confidence there is a high likelihood that you also do not trust yourself.
So how do you know if you’re lacking self-trust?
Do you catch yourself constantly looking for reassurance and/or validation?
Do you ask for other people's opinions and advice over and over again?
Do you have a difficult time trusting your gut/intuition?
Do you overanalyze conversations and interactions you have with other people?
If this sounds like you, you might need to start working on trusting yourself, but don’t worry this is more common than you think. When you continue to break trust in yourself, you continue to lower your confidence. Your subconscious mind is always wanting to take the path of least resistance. Therefore, if you keep telling yourself you are going to do something and you don’t follow through on these intentions, your subconscious mind will believe that you do not truly want that goal/dream/desire so you stay in the same cycle of breaking trust with yourself.
The first step is to start looking for evidence that you can trust yourself. The way you gather evidence and proof is by following through on your word and listening to your intuition. For example, when making your next decision, before creating a pros and cons list and before asking everyone else for advice, instead, turn to your gut and ask ‘what would feel good right now?’. Then, make a decision based on that feeling and trust that it will unfold how it is meant to.
Building a trusting relationship with yourself is a key contributor to creating sustainable, deep-rooted confidence. The more you trust yourself the more you will trust your ability to make decisions.
Step 2: Releasing What No Longer Serves You
Before fully embodying this new version of you that is confident and taking action towards the fulfilling life you want, we need to create space for what is to come. The way to do this is by releasing what no longer serves you, which will result in you living a more authentic life.
This second step requires you to zoom in on the blueprint of your life and identify where your unhealthy attachments exist and who you rely on for external validation. Although additional support and compliments are welcomed at times, it is when you become dependent on these external factors that you risk holding onto them too tightly.
Let’s get real about what no longer serves you (examples below):
Relationships
Food
Habits
Finances
Career/job
Then ask yourself what you would like to change about these areas in your life.
Upon gaining clarity on the above, this will automatically lead to living a more authentic life. Not living authentically can be draining, am I right? Constantly changing how you show up based on who you interact with, questioning if you are good enough, wondering if you fit in, and ultimately not living a life truly being yourself (it is exhausting and not a way to live).
Step two is all about creating space and the way to do this is by auditing your attachments that no longer serve you and gaining clarity on how you can show up more authentically.
Step 3: Rewiring Your Subconscious Thoughts
Rewiring your subconscious mind is the fun part! Are you familiar with the concepts of manifestation, higher self, and living in abundance? If not, you are about to be!
I want you to envision your higher self; your absolute dream life, what it looks like, what it feels like.
What would your highest self be doing?
How would your highest self be acting?
What type of action would your higher self be taking in your life?
Upon gaining clarity of your highest self you then can work with the subconscious mind to reprogram your thoughts to better serve you. The human conscious mind takes up 10% of our thought processes and its purpose is to analyze, think, plan and store short-term memory. Whereas our subconscious is 90% of our thinking minds and stores all the long-term memory, emotions, feelings, habit patterns, relationship patterns and addictions, development stages, spiritual connection, and intuition.
It should be clear to you now, why the rewiring needs to occur in the subconscious mind, as this is where our belief system is stored. There are various NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) techniques that Tony Robbins speaks to, however I find the most effective modality to be EFT (Emotional-Freedom Technique) and affirmations. You can learn about EFT on Episode 41 of my podcast The Goal Digger Guide and affirmations as they are the perfect way for people to start dipping their toes into their self-development journey.
Affirmation Tip: write out a minimum of twenty positive affirmations, record them on your phone and play them out loud to yourself either first thing in the morning or at the end of the day, these are the times when our minds are most impressionable in the alpha brain wave state.
Step 4: Receive in Abundance
Now that we have gained clarity on how to strengthen our self-trust, released what no longer serves us, and started to visualize our absolute dream life; we are now in a position to receive in abundance. The way to do this is by focusing on three main areas: productivity, looking at life in seasons, and embodying the feeling of gratitude.
When you are confident in who you are, what you are capable of, and what you bring to the table you gain a feeling of certainty. You feel certain that life is unfolding exactly how it is supposed to, trusting yourself to take messy action and actively look for the lesson.
This step requires a few things for you to action:
Productivity: this comes from discipline, not motivation. Now that you spend your time in a way that feels good and supportive of your dream life, start to action things accordingly. Every morning outline three things you must complete to move towards your goals and start first with the thing you don’t want to do.
Seasons: start looking at your life in seasons. It is sometimes a busy season, a student season, or a slow season. No matter what season you are in, you attract who you are, not what you want. Therefore, if you continue to simply practice confidence in the present moment, your confidence will continue to grow.
Gratitude: confident people feel grateful for where they are and where they are going. It is not always about being positive and/or happy. It is about understanding human beings have a wide range of emotions for a reason and that nothing will last forever.
Start taking accountability for your life and implement these three practices to encourage yourself to be in an energetic state of abundance.
Step 5: Living in True Alignment
Living in alignment is the ultimate goal to build and sustain true confidence. When you are living out of alignment you often feel insecure, stuck, confused, and uncertain of where you are going in life.
Although you will rarely have all the answers (where is the fun in that) when you live in alignment you are confident with the direction you are headed. Confidence is not easy however if it is intentionally practiced day in and day out, it is achievable. When you are living in alignment you intentionally look for the lessons and understand that if you do not get what you want, it is because you are getting what you need.
To live in alignment you must be clear on your values. A great way to figure this out is going to Brené Brown’s value list, identifying your top five values, these may change based on the season you are in, and ask yourself if you are living in alignment with those values.
This is similar to your goals/dreams/vision for your life. The more you live in alignment and take messy action to be one percent better every day, the more confident you will feel. This alignment has a ripple effect and it will start to show up in all areas of your life as you will feel more purpose and fulfillment even on the hardest of days. You will implement boundaries around your new priorities, embodying more self-respect which will undoubtedly strengthen your overall confidence.
My goal with this article was to be real, raw, and insightful. Of course, self-care, getting to the gym, eating healthy and many more factors contribute to you feeling confident. However, these five steps when taken in this order will truly turn your life around if you are committed to up-leveling your confidence!
If you are looking for further support on your self-development journey here is my FREE ‘Your Internal Glow Up Guide’ 5-module self-paced course.
Also, my podcast ‘The Goal Digger Guide’ has all the goods for building confidence from the inside and out!
Breanne Burke, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Breanne is a mindset and confidence coach. Her mission is to help women heal their internal struggles through self-development and self-love. She is a certified Yoga Teacher for both adults & children. Her empathic ability led her to care for others and provide them with the light to see their untapped potential. This is the foundation of her podcast 'The Goal Digger Guide' focusing on mindset, happiness and confidence. She is also certified in NLP, EFT, Hypnosis and Life & Success Coaching to further equip her in supporting her clients to receive their ultimate transformation in becoming the most confident version of themselves.
