Confidence Is Not Easy
- May 24, 2022
- 5 min read
Written by: Marc Singer, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
Confidence is a funny old thing. One minute we have it in abundance, the next its vanished without trace. Often, we will assume we are happy and full of self-belief and confidence, when really there’s underlying self-doubts and beliefs which tell us, ‘We aren’t good enough’, or worthy. It can take only the smallest of things to trigger us, for us to suddenly experience a complete drop of energy. And just like that, confidence disappears. Only to be replace by things like worry, fear, and imposter syndrome. It’s totally normal for any of us to experience this, no matter how naturally confident you may be.
Take me for example. I am naturally a highly confident person, in many ways. And yet there is also a side to me which is full of guilt for poor past decisions, and with that, a hidden belief that I am not worthy of success. I am aware of it and do not allow it to affect me much, however it is still there. However, affect me it does. And perfect example of this came only last night. I received a message on Instagram from someone rather abusive. In the message he told me that I was a ‘failed coach who lived on benefits and was lucky all my family was dead because at least I didn’t have to support them’. I truly awful thing to say to anyone.
I instinctively experienced a stress reaction. This led to an instant drop in my mood. I went from feeling on top of the world following my most productive week since I started my coaching practice, to feeling like a total loser within seconds. The fact I have just signed up three new clients and been booked for four speaking events, meant nothing all of a sudden. Instead, my head was filled with self-defeating thoughts about being a ‘failed coach’. Despite the evidence being very much to the contrary, I still questioned myself.
Thankfully, I am self-aware enough now to be able to recognise when my mood drops, and what to do to get myself out of that draining state of mind fairly quickly.
Learning how to remain highly confident consistently helps you perform at your very best, without fear. In fact, being fearless breeds confidence. Interestingly, I read recently that Elon Musk is missing part of the receptor in his brain which creates fear. Consequently, he feels no fear. This results in high confidence and success. So how can you become fearless yourself? Well, the short answer is you cannot. But what you can do is learn to identify and control it. That means become consciously aware of your thinking and noticing when your emotions are becoming drained. Stop in that moment and focus on what it is you are subconsciously telling yourself. Nine times out of ten it will be a fear-based belief. With a general theme of ‘not being good enough’.
Simply by recognising this thought, you are then able to alter your perspective in the moment to a thought which supports how you really want to be feeling. It’s important in these moments when other people’s words trigger us to remember not to take anything personally. If someone says something you find upsetting or hurtful, the truth is that it’s always more about them, than it is you. Therefore, simply telling yourself that, and that you feel sorry for that individual, as they are obviously not in a good place themselves, allows you to instantly pull yourself out of a draining stress reaction, and back up to a much higher level of energy.
Your thoughts always control how you feel, and act. So, it’s so important to be able to control how you think in any given moment if you wish to remain at your most productive. Self-awareness means you are consciously in tune with everything you are thinking, both consciously and subconsciously. Not an easy thing to do, especially considering that fact that 90% of the time we live in the subconscious mind. It is only then that we give life to our fears, worries, and limiting beliefs.
Another piece of mindset magic occurs when we are able to flip a negative experience on its head and turn it into a positive one. Again, whenever we experience a stressor our energy will drop, and alongside the worries and doubts, we will find ourselves focusing on the ‘problem’. By choosing to be in the moment, we can remove all judgment and see a situation with total objectivity and clarity. This then helps you to see the opportunity within your set of circumstances. There is always a golden nugget hidden within any difficult or traumatic experience. You just have to be consciously aware enough to see it. Think about how often we have gone through something awful, only to then look back years later and think to ourselves, ‘boy, did that teach me a lot...’ Well, you can also do that in the moment. Why wait until after the event to take note of the learning and growth within an experience. Once you see the possibilities and opportunities available to you, your focus is no longer on the ‘problem’, but now on the ‘solution’.
That is the difference between a person who is in control of how they think, feel and act. It is easy to learn, but much harder to practice consistently. Hence why so many people choose to hire coaches. Firstly, a good coach will help you become much more consciously aware of how you think, secondly, in partnership, they will hold you accountable to do the work necessary to practice this new way of thinking consistently.
Resulting in a much more productive and fulfilling lifestyle. After all, we have all read self-help books and tried to do it ourselves. I know I have anyway. However, knowing how to create permanent confidence and self-belief is one thing. Doing it day in day out is much harder. When you have someone helping and guiding you along the way, everything changes…
Marc Singer, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Marc is a highly trained professional coach, a graduate of (IPEC) the institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching. After being badly bullied at school, Marc became involved in a gang full of violence and drugs. Although having enjoyed a great upbringing and from a loving family, he went off the rails. Having moved on from that life, he found himself in a situation one night that would change his life forever. Imprisoned for life for a crime he didn’t commit, he embarked upon an incredible journey of change. Tragically having lost all of his family whilst in prison, Marc found the strength to rebuild his life, secure his freedom, and build an amazing career. He now helps others create the life they desire and become the very best versions of themselves. Currently authoring his first book, his life story, he also coaches one-to-one in groups and does inspiring speaking arrangements motivating others to overcome their own barriers to success. In fact, he was recently invited back to the prison he was in, but this time not as an inmate but as a speaker. His story is unique, tragic, and shocking, but ultimately evidence that with the right mindset and approach to life, you really can achieve absolutely anything!
